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Relationships

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Should I break up with him if I am not attracted to him?

50 replies

Bumblebleed · 27/04/2025 20:49

i am early 30’s and have been ‘single’ for a number of years.. Recently; I find myself evolving and wanting more, so I joined an online dating platform and begun speaking to a new guy. The new guy is 40, we are the same star sign, we live nearby to each other, he works and seems focused and relatively balanced. We have only had 2 dates but the first one was in celebration of my/ our birthday (our birthdays are 1 day apart). He spoiled me, wined and dined me and treated me like a queen the whole night. He was also very vocal in expressing how much he likes me and is glad we have met and was already planning our next date/ first holiday/ meeting each other kids and so on. It was nice and whilst I questioned his enthusiasm; I don’t believe he was love bombing me and honestly feel he is just very keen. Nothing physical happened and whilst I knew he was nice - I knew I wasn’t feeling him 100%. I explained that at the end of the night and said we could be friends. He then called immediately after explaining how he much he really likes me and begged me to give him more time for him to show me how much he likes me and so on. I’ll be honest; I find it quite sweet and haven’t met a man before who is so attentive/ caring/ loving. I agreed to give it time and we have agreed to take things slow. We then met for another date and he was again the perfect gentleman - this time with gifts (jewellery). This is all quite new to me. I feel like I think this guy is lovely but I just don’t think I like him the same way. He spoils me and has indicated (and shown in subtle ways) that he will look after me if we were to be serious. I want to like him - I just don’t know why I don’t. I have dated men before in the past who have been less attentive and have more of an attraction towards them. Having said that - I did say I wanted to do things differently now. Should I continue to date him and hope my feelings and love grows for him or should I end things now if I know my heart isn’t in it?

OP posts:
VaddaABeetch · 28/04/2025 08:07

Your nan dating was completely different times. My mother said she used go on dates midweek as the man was expected to buy chocolates, pay for cinema & chocolates & coffee after.

Did your sister have kids? Was a strange man dying to meet her kids?

He is absolutely love bombing. It’s cringe full that he ‘begged’ for a chance.

please don’t invest your kids future in star signs.

VaddaABeetch · 28/04/2025 08:29

You’re also not breaking up with a man you’ve been on 2 dates with. You are not going on any more dates.

I don’t want to go on another date with you. Best of luck

BatFeminist · 28/04/2025 08:40

when you put an end to it you may see a very different side to him

Seaoftroubles · 28/04/2025 08:46

Your instincts are right OP. Act on them!

HarpSnail · 28/04/2025 08:47

Bumblebleed · 27/04/2025 21:06

Thanks for the input ladies.

I’ve been out of the game for clearly too long 😅I questioned the love bombing but I’m not falling in love with him- so what is the incentive?

Edited

Seriously? You told him after the first date that you didn’t see a future, didn’t fancy him and just wanted to be friends. He ignored that and persuaded you into a second date, where he gave you jewellery. He’s trying to bludgeon you into a relationship you don’t want, and you seem too naive to see it.

SoOxon · 28/04/2025 08:49

What star sign are you both

HenrysSweatyBalls · 28/04/2025 09:04

Meet someone your own age and on your level, he sounds nuts.

BelfastBard · 28/04/2025 09:17

You had two dates and he bought you jewellery? That’s quite intense if I’m honest and would immediately raise red flags for me.
I personally couldn’t be with a person I wasn’t attracted to, however nice they were.

LumpyPumpkin · 28/04/2025 16:41

You haven't really said anything about him other than he lives nearby, he isn't unemployed or mentally deranged and that you have the same star sign. The first few are a basic requirement for most people and the star sign thing is irrelevant to the point of ridiculousness.

Is he funny? Clever? Interesting?

You told him you weren't interested in a romantic relationship so now he is trying to buy one from you.

If you went one date with someone and you really wanted see them again but they said they weren't interested, would you beg them and start buying them gifts? Would you not feel desperate and weird doing that?

StrawberryDream24 · 28/04/2025 17:07

Well, as long as you're both the same star sign...

Wtf is going on with star sign stuff in this thread.

Do they really think billions of people share the same traits just because they were born at a certain time of the year.

They're human traits.

BusyGreenFinch · 28/04/2025 17:14

This post reminds me of the time when I was much younger and I went on a first date with a guy who bought me red roses and brought them with him to give to me on the date. I found out later he already had a girlfriend but had forgotten to mention her 😕

shuffleofftobuffalo · 28/04/2025 17:46

Love bombing 101 going on there, he sounds nuts! Run away.

I think as women we are a bit societally programmed to do the “he likes me so I’d better try and like him too” thing rather than the “F me he’s weird I’m off” thing.

coxesorangepippin · 28/04/2025 18:03

Star signs????

GreatDad1988 · 28/04/2025 18:12

He sounds really needy.

aquashiv · 28/04/2025 18:16

God love you. Trust your instincts he's a crazy.😬

CornishTiger · 28/04/2025 18:25

Please tell me he doesn’t know where you live or too much info?

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 28/04/2025 19:12

He sounds deranged.
Avoid.
Apart from being OTT you don’t even fine him attractive.
In a few weeks time you will want to poke your own eyes out.

Verydemure · 28/04/2025 19:23

SoOxon · 28/04/2025 08:49

What star sign are you both

Got to be Aries

SoOxon · 28/04/2025 19:28

Verydemure · 28/04/2025 19:23

Got to be Aries

yes! leave a trail of destruction behind them,

or Pisces, two fishes swimming in opposite directions

this was a welcome reply, so funny, made me laugh, thanks

SoOxon · 28/04/2025 19:29

coxesorangepippin · 28/04/2025 18:03

Star signs????

you know nothing, @coxesorangepippin back to Winterfell for you!

BrightGreenPoet · 05/05/2025 15:13

Everything else aside, a man wanting to meet your kids after one date is a huge warning. You should never, ever expose your kids to a man you're not long term about, and to introduce them to a stranger after one date is dangerous and neglectful on any parent's part. If a man is saying he wants to meet your kids or you should meet his, that should be the end of it right then and there. No friendship, nothing.

Newname25 · 05/05/2025 15:20

Cardamomandlemons · 27/04/2025 21:01

If anyone got me jewelry on a 2nd date I would run for the hills.

This!

BobbyBiscuits · 05/05/2025 15:29

Stop accepting gifts off a man you don't fancy. It's not fair on him and it's a waste of time.
Just politely tell him you don't feel a romantic spark and give back the jewellery. Then block him.

I've been with guys who I was not remotely attracted to due to my terrible low self esteem problems, and it grinds down your soul. It's not the right thing to do for your wellbeing.

Keep looking for someone you actually really want to have sex with. But don't waste this blokes time anymore, or your own.

He's too keen anyway. Massive red flag when you've not even slept together to be throwing all this stuff at you.

ThatHazelBear · 05/05/2025 16:15

You shouldn't date just because you think you should be falling in love with some after two dates. Who falls in love after two dates? Crazy people. You don't know anything at all about this person. That takes time not two dates. And yes, he's love bombing you. Try slowing down.

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