Should I break up with him if I am not attracted to him?

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i am early 30’s and have been ‘single’ for a number of years.. Recently; I find myself evolving and wanting more, so I joined an online dating platform and begun speaking to a new guy. The new guy is 40, we are the same star sign, we live nearby to each other, he works and seems focused and relatively balanced. We have only had 2 dates but the first one was in celebration of my/ our birthday (our birthdays are 1 day apart). He spoiled me, wined and dined me and treated me like a queen the whole night. He was also very vocal in expressing how much he likes me and is glad we have met and was already planning our next date/ first holiday/ meeting each other kids and so on. It was nice and whilst I questioned his enthusiasm; I don’t believe he was love bombing me and honestly feel he is just very keen. Nothing physical happened and whilst I knew he was nice - I knew I wasn’t feeling him 100%. I explained that at the end of the night and said we could be friends. He then called immediately after explaining how he much he really likes me and begged me to give him more time for him to show me how much he likes me and so on. I’ll be honest; I find it quite sweet and haven’t met a man before who is so attentive/ caring/ loving. I agreed to give it time and we have agreed to take things slow. We then met for another date and he was again the perfect gentleman - this time with gifts (jewellery). This is all quite new to me. I feel like I think this guy is lovely but I just don’t think I like him the same way. He spoils me and has indicated (and shown in subtle ways) that he will look after me if we were to be serious. I want to like him - I just don’t know why I don’t. I have dated men before in the past who have been less attentive and have more of an attraction towards them. Having said that - I did say I wanted to do things differently now. Should I continue to date him and hope my feelings and love grows for him or should I end things now if I know my heart isn’t in it?

You shouldn't be dating if you can't recognise red flags. This man sounds like a lunatic.

He wants to meet your children after a first date and you didn't climb out the toilet window?

He's completely loved bombing you. This is text book.

Exactly! I got the ick half way through! You really really need to work on your boundaries before you date again.

He is absolutely love bombing you. He called you up and begged you for another chance when you told him you wanted to be friends? Run away as fast as you can from this lunatic.

Well, he sounds shit.

But dump the star sign bollocks.

If anyone got me jewelry on a 2nd date I would run for the hills.

Use the fact that you aren't attracted to him as a reason to call it off. Plus the fact that he is 100% lovebombing and madly over keen.

I agree with PP's that has dangerous written all over it. For a virtual stranger to buy you jewellery on a second meeting AFTER you said you weren't feeling it screams manipulation to me. It's a gift to keep you on side, to guilt you into giving him more "chance".

The fact you can't see this and dismiss these behaviours as "nice" is quite worrying.

Thanks for the input ladies.

I’ve been out of the game for clearly too long 😅I questioned the love bombing but I’m not falling in love with him- so what is the incentive?

I don’t believe he was love bombing me

Seriously?? There’s so many red flags here it’s unbelievable. He was absolutely obviously love bombing you and if you really can’t see that maybe you need to step back from dating.

Talking about meeting each others kids in the first date and begging you to like him is batshit behaviour.

Run

Obligation.

He's treated you special and bought you gifts so you will feel obligated into owing him a relationship.

Dump and block. Return the gifts.

Ah- ok I see

Abusers sweep you off your feet and create a false sense of intimacy so you don't have time to get to know them.

By the time the mask slips, you're pregnant and financially dependent on them.

Why you think some strange man wanting to meet your children is a good thing beats me.

Ignoring the obvious red flags, just reading about him trying to convert you is making me cringe.

please be very careful

Why did you put 'single'? What does that mean?

I feel same i met someone today whose everything my head tells me I need basically on par with me someone grounded ambition nice car goodjob own house etx so same as me he has no kids I have 2 older kids I'm.35 he's 33 he's virgo I'm Capricorn. Sounds nice and basically a male version of me. My head says yes my heart says no. But attractive wise hmm I dno. But last 2 long term marriage and a bf didn't have any of the above and I was always the higher earner anyways I found resentment I

Usually a fwb or fuckbudy on the side.

I know you’ve said this doesn’t feel like love bombing, it certainly sounds it. Buying you gifts and talking about future things and how he’ll treat you after so early really isn’t normal. Love bombing is also about the pace and intensity and being too much too fast. It’s often followed by pulling away, changing behaviour, or emotional chaos once they feel they ‘have’ you (this sometimes can happen much later down the line). The fact that you’re not attracted to him is a blessing! Get out early whilst you can!

OP in my experience extremes of behaviour in both men and women are often reflective of an unbalanced mind. He sounds similar to my ex and you are absolutely being love bombed. My ex gave me very intense compliments on our first date and was extremely keen. Maybe not as much as your new man but the principle was the same. My heart sank if I’m honest as I could see he was without truly even taking the time to know me yet, was putting me on a pedestal. Problem is I had fancied him for ages and sort of just let the red flags go because of my intense attraction to him. He was also very generous, kind and proactive in planning future dates. On the one hand this is all good but not when the person is just so…intense with it all. Our first Xmas together was only after a few weeks but he almost drowned me with gifts including expensive jewellery and perfume and telling me I was the girl of his dreams. Anyway a year later, mask started slipping and after episodes of spying and giving me the silent treatment for having to spend nights away from him for work I just ended it. Your gut is a valuable aid OP, especially if you’re not even attracted to him, let him go. People like this could be dangerous the longer you leave it and they may become vengeful thinking that you’ve been ‘leading them on’ or some such.

Taxi!

Well if that's the case for OP then surely she cant be this naive!

"He's not love bombing me" - he's absolutely love bombing you 🙈

My nan got flowers on her first date and silver hoops on the second date married 52 years before he passed away.
My sister husband got her a bracelet on their second date 14 year on still happy.
I think it all depends on the person.

Jesus you need help with boundaries OP if you think this isn’t love bombing!! 😬

Do you actually understand what it means?

This man is loony tunes…run fast in the opposite direction!!

Op he sounds very intense. As others have said he is love bombing you and not taking the hint. I would gently break it off and don’t let him go to your house or know where you live ideally.

Well, as long as you're both the same star sign... 🙄

He's showing several red flags and you're interpreting all of them as indicators of a 'gentleman'.

And you're not attracted to him.

What are you doing?