Jealous after seeing Instagram post… have I made a mistake?

[Babybirdaugust]

i am 30 next year and have 2 small children age 1 and 3. I am happily married. We got married young. My parents have always had a difficult marriage so it’s nice to feel security. However, life is tough at the minute with 2 small kids. My husband and I never seem to get a break.
i saw an instagram post of my ex who is travelling the world with his fiancé. It made me a bit jealous (not if the ex) but of the travelling. I sometimes wonder if I’ve missed out because everyone puts travelling high on the life’s bucket lists.
but I am a worrier and I think travelling to dangerous countries looks fun but there’s still a risk of alcohol poisoning like those travellers in south east Asia, or being arrested by the government or something.
my old uni friend is also travelling round Asia and she is all tanned and glowing whereas I am stuck with porridge in my hair …

Why do you have your ex on Instagram?

Comparison is the thief of joy.

You say you are happily married and you have 2 small children.
Many many people will actually be very jealous of you!
Other people's lives often look better than our own when we only see snapshots of it : the good bits out there for public consumption. They will ALL have negative bits in their lives, because that is reality.
Just try and focus on the good bits in your own life . And daydream about the future when you will probably be in a position to go travelling or whatever.

Having a family doesn’t mean you can never travel.

It doesn’t sound like travel is really an interest of yours anyway?

Why are you following the BF you had in school on Instagram?

I have a 1 and 3 yr old and am 40 - i get it

Equally, I travelled and holidayed ad nauseum in my 30s. It gets old and globalisation has made travelling one ubiquitous travel soup.

This is really the hard bit but its 💯 what I chose and I don't want it any other way. My children give me joy and purpose.

I'd say on one level it's the freedom and lack of responsibility you envy.

Do what Ive started doing and start planning the amazong holidays you will go on.

Eftling
Disney
Lapland
Safari
Skiing
Europa park

My list gets longer weekly.

So you find fault in travel but are jealous of people who do it, you made your choices thry made theirs no one is better than the other and no I don't see why someone would be jealous of a married person with 2 kids not everyone wants that same with travel

I find this jealousy think very immature especially when it comes to social media, but even more so when people accuse other people of being jealous

If you are not happy op you need to work on that

If you’re happily married and you that security was important to you due to your upbringing, I’d say you’re winning! The kids won’t always be super young and things will probably get easier.

And to be clear, I don’t mean winning in the sense you are doing better or worse than anyone else, but just you are doing well by your own measure since you seem to be living the life you dreamed off.

Do you actually want to travel or is it just because you see someone else doing it? I wouldn’t call south East Asian countries dangerous as such, although yes there are certain dangers they may have there that we don’t have here (and vice versa) overall it doesn’t sound like it’s your thing so I wouldn’t bother being envious.

I find that when people start feeling jealous of others lives it may suggest some doubt about our own and that’s what you need to lean into and tackle.

When you truly embrace your own decisions and your own happiness and focus on your own future there’s far less room to be jealous of what your ex/childhood friend/former colleague is doing.

I tend to look at other people’s lives which are different from me and think ah I’m so happy for them, it may not be for me but who cares? As long as they seem happy. Or if it’s genuinely something I do want for myself I just use it as inspiration to achieve that thing for myself.

How do you know people having fun travelling aren't longing for a husband and children like you have?

You never know what is the other side of the screen with social media.

Just delete your accounts and you'll be much happier. It's all a load of shite anyway designed to waste your time.

Life with small kids is a grind. You're probably looking at them thinking how carefree, but it's not actually something you'd enjoy from the sounds of it.

But not being bound down by responsibility and the drudgery probably looks nice.

Plan some things to look forward to.

Totally normal. I get jealous of people travelling whilst also knowing it's not really for me, as it would make me too anxious. You are in the thick of it with 2 small children close together in age.

Things will start to get easier as your children get a bit older. You had children young enough that you can properly travel when they are adults if you want to, or (finances allowing) have some decent holidays.

I have reached a point in life where I am less bothered by holidays (still do like them!) because we have a lovely house and so we enjoy spending time at home. We only have our house because we spent our 20s working and saving. If we had spent a large chunk travelling, we would have had great experiences but be in a different position now.

So you find fault in travel but are jealous of people who do it, you made your choices thry made theirs no one is better than the other and no I don't see why someone would be jealous of a married person with 2 kids not everyone wants that same with travel

I think you’re spot on @BlondiePortz completely agree. I’ve had people say “oh I envy your life, no caring responsibities you’re able to get up and go etc but then you’re probably jealous of my life too (partner, kids etc)” and I’m sat there thinking actually no -
I don’t think there’s any reason for you to envy my life, as it’s not a life you would choose really and also no, I’m not jealous of what you have either - I’m happy for you! My attitude is if you like I love it!

As long as it’s not harming them or anyone else I support all my friends living their dreams lives. If it’s not their dream live they need to focus on that rather than fantasising that I’m also jealous of their lives.

I am married with 2 children and have travelled all over Asia with them.
You have more chance of being run over by a bus here than being arrested or getting alcohol poisoning.
Not to be harsh but dont blame your kids for a lack of gumption.

I have several friends who are single and don’t have kids. Their social media posts show a life full of spontaneity and disposable income but they have all confided in me that they are envious of my life (husband, 3 kids, family home etc) The grass always looks greener on the other side!

I totally get where you are coming from. I’ve spent the night cleaning up after a vomiting 3 year old so the idea of being carefree on a beach in Thailand right now feels very appealing!

Travelling is fantastic! Did lots in my twenties, did some dangerous, stupid things looking back on it. Ended up on hospital for one- that was scary.

“but I am a worrier and I think travelling to dangerous countries looks fun but there’s still a risk of alcohol poisoning like those travellers in south east Asia, or being arrested by the government or something.”- Now… so would I. 😂 I’ll stick with safer places, like Disney and Spain lol.

I have also travelled solo after having kids and so has DH. We took it in turns. I still do.
Admittedly we had disposable income but I am talking budget travel.
No way would I ever give up on travel with kids. I took a 6 month old to Malaysia It was great.
SE Asian countries are far safer than parts of the UK.

I think you're getting a hard time on this thread, OP. I understand. My kids are older than yours (8 and 4) so I'm out of the trenches so to speak. You will get the chance to travel again (we are doing a long haul this year for the first time ever). It's ok to find this hard, stressful, boring, relentless just now. And for those asking why she's looking up an ex on social media... Who doesn't do that? 🤔😅

You have FOMO. If you'd done the travelling, you'd be looking at social media envious of your friends with children. Focus on what you have, not what others have.

When I was travelling in my late 20s I was jealous of the posts from mothers!
I used to have moments of panic I was leaving it too late, wasting money. I hadn’t met anyone at that point and I categorically would have traded places.
Of course once I did and had 2 under 2, I dreamed of swapping right back.
The world isn’t going anywhere. It’ll still be there when the bairns have flown the nest🙂

I had my children fairly young. Age 25, age 27 and age 29 although the third child died.
I ended up a single parent and have been to many different countries with the kids. Just us. My 16 year old has told me he wants us to go away for his 18th so we are going to go to Prague.
So you can still travel with kids. Or wait until they are older. A uni friend who was scared to travel at uni has just taken her children on holiday to Thailand with her husband. They stayed in tree houses etc. It looked amazing. Also, many people are having children in their 40’s now which is great but you can’t guarantee it. My friend has just had her first baby at age 34 after 5 miscarriages but had she been in her 40’s it may have been harder for her to end up with the baby. None of us know how life will work out but you have 2 children at 30, which a lot of people would love.
I have my 2 children who I am very grateful for but no husband. I have a boyfriend who I don’t live with but that is not the same as you don’t share finances and I am on my own if something breaks in my house as ultimately it’s not his problem if my shower/ boiler/ oven breaks. I would love the support of someone I actually lived with and shared finances and household problems with (no I don’t want to live with the boyfriend- long story).
Plan a fun holiday with the kids. Start small. We loved Belfast. Lots to do for children.

I have travelled the world and been to places where most people have never been. It was the absolute best years of my life. But the downside was that I settled down later, had kids a lot later and now I have very young kids where all my friends are at teenage years. I’m currently dreaming of retirement when I can travel again.

you can travel just when you retire. When I went travelling I noticed that half of the places we went had more people over 60 than young people!

I know what you mean, I got married young and had children young so missed out on Uni and travelling…but now I’m old I realise that once the kids grow up..you are still relatively young! And can then hopefully make up for lost time 😂 I went to Uni later in life (although admittedly wasn’t the same experience) and am now starting to travel more. But I wouldn’t change a thing…once those difficult early years had passed I loved being a young mum. And now they are adults we have a good friendship..they keep me young at heart 😄

My kids are all grown and nearly flown and gone
I'd take your life any day
Wonderful ages your children are now ,you have all the fun in the world to come with them .
All our holidays were spent in haven caravans..best days ever..

It’s not one or the other necessarily. I know a family with DC the same age as yours who are currently sailing round the world. It wouldn’t be for me. It doesn’t sound like it would be for you. It’s for them though so more power to them, and I enjoy watching their adventures on Instagram. We travelled a lot before we had our DS (my first trip to Asia was actually while I was pregnant with him) and like a PP above now he’s here I can’t wait to start showing him the world. He’s had 2 holidays in his 10 months already, we prioritise those costs over other things.

MN is very binary.
Have kids. Or travel.
Don't even contemplate doing both.

Try not to be envious, you just prioritised different things! I knew from a young age I wanted to go away and study, travel, and experience the world in general. So that’s what I did! I’m now married with children and I feel completely content knowing I’ve done what I set out to do and am now settled with no regrets. We still go on holiday (a lot of holidays!), they’re just slightly different now.

Make a list of the things you want to do in the future. If you want to see the world in a safer way, cruises are popular, especially when in your retirement years.