Jealous after seeing Instagram post… have I made a mistake?

[Babybirdaugust]

i am 30 next year and have 2 small children age 1 and 3. I am happily married. We got married young. My parents have always had a difficult marriage so it’s nice to feel security. However, life is tough at the minute with 2 small kids. My husband and I never seem to get a break.
i saw an instagram post of my ex who is travelling the world with his fiancé. It made me a bit jealous (not if the ex) but of the travelling. I sometimes wonder if I’ve missed out because everyone puts travelling high on the life’s bucket lists.
but I am a worrier and I think travelling to dangerous countries looks fun but there’s still a risk of alcohol poisoning like those travellers in south east Asia, or being arrested by the government or something.
my old uni friend is also travelling round Asia and she is all tanned and glowing whereas I am stuck with porridge in my hair …

Instagram posts are just snapshots. They don’t paint the full picture. For all you know he could be up to his eyeballs in debt and stuck his last holiday on a 345%APR credit card 🤷🏼‍♀️ his fiancee is actually really horrible and they are hanging on by a thread, he can’t have kids, and his cat was ran over last week. But he posted a snap of him on a tuk tuk in Thailand because he wants the world to know he is ok and the likes and comments give him a temporary boost. It all means nothing in the end.

Aside from this, go and travel. I’ve done this with my kids and have no regrets whatsoever. You gotta parent them wherever you are, so might as well do it somewhere sunny.

This. I spent my whole 20’s travelling (combination of working abroad and backpacking) but by the end as much as I loved travelling I also felt jealous of everyone getting married and building their family and wondering if I was leaving things too late.
Focus on travelling you could either do with your children, or once your children are grown up.

So you had your first child at 28, why didn’t you go travelling before having kids? If you had really wanted to you would have gone. So why are you jealous of someone doing something you choose not to do?

byw my dd went travelling with her bf, she didn’t enjoy a lot of it. The flying, airports, coaches, language barriers, getting lost, costs. But her insta tells a very different story.

We are not all on the same timeline. I did the travel thing before kids, had a glittering career and loved it. Now I have young kids, which I also love!, in my early forties and am tired and can’t imagine anything beyond and all inclusive with a kids club. But when you are my age you will have older kids you can take on exciting adventures.

You can travel with your kids! But it doesn’t sound like you want to travel at all anyway.
1 and 3 is a hard stage but be happy with your life, and find small ways to add more fun and adventure at your own speed.

So you travel when you’re a bit older? My friend had her dc in her early twenties, she’s now in her mid forties, has time to look after herself and she and her DH travel lots.

Do you enjoy travel when you go?

I always like the idea of being different places but in reality I don't like the process of getting there, don't like sleeping somewhere else and so on. Day trips suit me better although they don't work for abroad so well 🤣

We do go away, but regular "travelling" isn't for everyone.

If you want to go, make it happen with your family. If you don't really, then just crack on doing what makes you happy.

I think you are just in the trenches right now OP and maybe missing the ability to be carefree and self determining without having to look after young kids all the time. Can you put some time in the diary to do some child free activities with your friends or as a couple? Or otherwise if it’s travel specifically you miss, book a nice family holiday?
I find if I’m feeling envious of someone it’s normally because on some level one of my needs isn’t being met, in this case I’d suggest some child free time or family travel may be the answer.

Interesting .... I am not able to travel much because of health reasons, and I sometimes look on Facebook etc. and see lots of friends jetting off around the world and feel a bit sad, and jealous too.

And then I make myself stop and think and ask myself if I actually want to jet ff round the world - and the answer is no. I am jealous not because I want to do it but because I can't do it. This is an important distinction.

If you've had children young, your years of freedom will just happen after children rather than before. Nothing to stop you having your own adventures in future.

I had my children the same ages you did and they are now nearly grown (19 and 16). My DH and I never got to do the long, exotic trips to Asia, Africa or South America that we’d dreamed of before kids, but we have still had some amazing holidays (with and without kids) in Europe, the US, and the UK.

When I was in your position and saw all my childfree friends jetting off around the world I did have the odd pang of jealousy, but many of them now have small children in their 40s and are absolutely knackered while my DH and I enjoy weekends away without worrying about childcare, can go out whenever we want, etc.. and now they are jealous of us. It’s all swings and roundabouts so just live your life and know that you will get your time to travel if that’s what you want.

Delete him from your instagram first of all. He has a different lifestyle to you, not a better one. For all you know, he might be envious of you and wish he had the family unit you have. And even if he doesn't, who cares? You can make plans to do some of the things you want to do.

I travelled extensively before DD, now 18, was born and now she’s off to Uni i will be doing it again. I love travelling and have made a conscious effort to do so. However, it doesn’t sound like you would enjoy travelling, it sounds like you’re fed up of the daily grind.

You have gotten married and had children young ish, though no reason you couldn’t have gone travelling. Dh and I were married at 24 & 30 and we travelled loads before we had kids. Dh lived abroad in 2 countries and I lived abroad in 3. We literally were backpacking around India 4 weeks before we got pregnant with our eldest. I ceremoniously took my last birth control pill there. If you weren’t keen back then, then you weren’t keen.

But one day your children will be grown and you can go off travelling. You’ll have more money and a better idea of what you enjoy too. There’s also no reason you can’t go travelling even with children if you are happy to take them with you or go on your own. Mine are school age now, but since they’ve been born I’ve been to Australia, the US several times, various places in Europe, walked the Camino de Santiago in Spain. All on my own. Dh was home with dc. He had time to go do things he enjoys too.

Travelling with your children is also fab. I’ve taken my eldest to Italy and youngest to Spain. For the youngest (he’s 7), the trip to Spain was literally the best thing he’s ever done. It was a year ago now and he still talks about it every day. We went to Valencia and did markets and old buildings and museums and playgrounds and ate lots of seafood and ice cream. It wasn’t Thai half moon parties but you couldn’t pay me to go to that stuff now. I’d start thinking about what you can do (because there’s a lot), rather than what you can’t.

I sometimes wonder if I’ve missed out because everyone puts travelling high on the life’s bucket lists.

Write your own bucket list.

Don't worry about your ex or what 'everyone' else is doing.

Travel isn't on my 'bucket list' at all!

You can also travel with children.

Get travelling now! Start with Europe. When our kids were teeny we had really successful holidays in the Italian lakes, Austria, France etc. The food is a childhood dream - pasta, pizza, ice cream, schnitzel, strudel, patisserie! Take advantage of the opportunity to do things you would be unlikely to do without children e.g. there's an Alpine zoo in Innsbruck that is wonderful. As they get older you have museums, theme parks etc - sleeping over at the natural history museum is so much fun.