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Original poster

Sharing finances when living together

28 replies

fishpsycho · 24/04/2025 23:10

Hello all!
I would love some advice on navigating finances when moving in with someone.
I own my house and my partner will be moving in with me. I would like to keep the ownership of my house separate.
I make double what he does and I am happy to split expenses equitably in that ratio.

My partner seems uncomfortable with the idea of paying 'rent' to me and said he would rather pay another expense entirely.

For example, he suggested he could pay for the car. Currently, neither of us drive. But let's say he passes the test soon, he is happy to buy the car and pay for all the associated expenses. However, he will be driving it to work as his workplace will be further away after he moves in with me. It's not like we're going to be using his car for long distances on a regular basis.
He also said he's happy to pay into a holiday pot.

I dont think car+ holiday pot is equal to what I thought he would contribute towards the house.

When I asked if he wanted me to cancel any streaming services (I subscribe to literally all and he doesn't to any), his reply made me feel that he won't be contributing towards that as he doesn't watch tv when I'm not around.
I disagree as I see it as a shared activity. I am happy to unsubscribe to any service he thinks is not needed and only keep those we both agree on.

I know he is a minimalist and has been living a bare minimum bachelor lifestyle. I feel anxiety building up because I am anticipating he won't want to share many of the expenses I think he should...I don't want to start feeling resentful that I am paying for more than I should be.

Any tips or advice on how I can manage my expectations? Am I wrong to expect him to share these expenses? Thank you!

OP posts:
Gonk123 · 24/04/2025 23:12

Is he moving in so he can freeload?! Don’t let him move in!

rwalker · 24/04/2025 23:15

When my partner moved in it never even occurred to me to me to charge rent

1/2 bills and food

Original poster
fishpsycho · 24/04/2025 23:15

Gonk123 · 24/04/2025 23:12

Is he moving in so he can freeload?! Don’t let him move in!

i'm worried this is what it will turn into...

OP posts:
TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 24/04/2025 23:19

fishpsycho · 24/04/2025 23:15

i'm worried this is what it will turn into...

Show quote history

It sounds like this is exactly what's going to happen.
I think you need to rethink this.

If you're not careful he'll just move in and expect you to pay for everything.

Who's going to do the chores BTW?

RuffledKestrel · 24/04/2025 23:22

In my opinion unless you have a kid(s) or are married, all bills are 50-50 when you first move in together. The exception being your mortgage. Pay that fully on your own so he doesn't have a claim on your house if you break up in a few years.
If he says he cannot afford 50-50 on remaining bills, then compare the costs from his current housing situation to what your costs currently are plus a bit extra for him using utilities/council tax increase. Is he currently paying more than half that amount ?
If so, then yea he's being a freeloader and I'd not move him in without very clear expectations and an agreement in place.
If not, then you need to figure out how you feel about financially supporting him.

Original poster
fishpsycho · 24/04/2025 23:22

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 24/04/2025 23:19

It sounds like this is exactly what's going to happen.
I think you need to rethink this.

If you're not careful he'll just move in and expect you to pay for everything.

Who's going to do the chores BTW?

Show quote history

He's excellent with chores. He loves cooking and I prefer cleaning. He's very kind and is a great companion.
I am really looking forward to him moving in --but I just need to figure out my boundaries when it comes to finances..

OP posts:
2XChromosomes · 24/04/2025 23:25

What is your monthly outgoing on the household bills (not including the mortgage)? You make more than him. Unless he makes very little, I'd expect half of this to be paid by him. Or 2/3 you and 1/3 him if he makes particularly little....

2XChromosomes · 24/04/2025 23:26

RuffledKestrel · 24/04/2025 23:22

In my opinion unless you have a kid(s) or are married, all bills are 50-50 when you first move in together. The exception being your mortgage. Pay that fully on your own so he doesn't have a claim on your house if you break up in a few years.
If he says he cannot afford 50-50 on remaining bills, then compare the costs from his current housing situation to what your costs currently are plus a bit extra for him using utilities/council tax increase. Is he currently paying more than half that amount ?
If so, then yea he's being a freeloader and I'd not move him in without very clear expectations and an agreement in place.
If not, then you need to figure out how you feel about financially supporting him.

Edited

This! My thoughts exactly.

DenholmElliot11 · 24/04/2025 23:28

I'd be charging him rent, sorry, but he's paying rent at the moment surely.

Rent including utilities and then half for food and spends.

I'd also have him move in on a trial basis to begin with. For 6 months.

workshy46 · 24/04/2025 23:29

I don’t understand why he shouldn’t pay any rent .. even a nominal fee, like lodger rates. Him moving in would mean then if not that he would be substantially better off and the op wouldn’t be. It’s easy to draw up a co habitation agreement so he has no claim on the property. I’m getting serious cocklodger vibes here in that he seems unwilling to pay for anything including things like TV subscriptions and only wants to pay for a car he will predominantly use 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
fishpsycho · 24/04/2025 23:35

workshy46 · 24/04/2025 23:29

I don’t understand why he shouldn’t pay any rent .. even a nominal fee, like lodger rates. Him moving in would mean then if not that he would be substantially better off and the op wouldn’t be. It’s easy to draw up a co habitation agreement so he has no claim on the property. I’m getting serious cocklodger vibes here in that he seems unwilling to pay for anything including things like TV subscriptions and only wants to pay for a car he will predominantly use 🤷‍♀️

but would he still be a cocklodger if he does most of the housework?

OP posts:
RuffledKestrel · 24/04/2025 23:53

fishpsycho · 24/04/2025 23:35

but would he still be a cocklodger if he does most of the housework?

Show quote history

How much would a professional cleaner cost to do the same level of housework as he does/will do?
Are you happy to pay that cost?
Of so, then no he's not a cocklodger in that case in my opinion.

The "to pay rent" or not in regards to your mortgage is a personal one I think.
For me, the financial peace of mind knowing that my house is my house and noone else can have a claim on it is worth half my mortgage payments a month for a few years at least.
But that is a personal decision. Others are more comfortable with basically drawing up a tenancy agreement to cover rent but stop a partner having a claim on their house if they were to split.

Original poster
fishpsycho · 24/04/2025 23:59

RuffledKestrel · 24/04/2025 23:53

How much would a professional cleaner cost to do the same level of housework as he does/will do?
Are you happy to pay that cost?
Of so, then no he's not a cocklodger in that case in my opinion.

The "to pay rent" or not in regards to your mortgage is a personal one I think.
For me, the financial peace of mind knowing that my house is my house and noone else can have a claim on it is worth half my mortgage payments a month for a few years at least.
But that is a personal decision. Others are more comfortable with basically drawing up a tenancy agreement to cover rent but stop a partner having a claim on their house if they were to split.

Show quote history

I will be looking into a cohabitation agreement.

I think he does enough chores around the house to make up for some difference in our monetary contributions. However, I need to list all my expenses and go through these with him so I can be fully comfortable with our situation.

OP posts:
TwistedWonder · 25/04/2025 00:04

Sounds like he’s already waging potential cocklodger red flags.

Of course he should be contributing to the household expenses - bills and food as an absolute minimum.

Personally I think 50/50 is fair as you're also paying a mortgage but as you earn more then a figure should be agreed - maybe 60/40.

He needs to be paying you a monthly sum towards his living costs,

AboogaBooga · 25/04/2025 05:35

Why not just pay your own mortgage and he covers all the other bills? Assuming they equal out to similar amounts or with you paying a little more, since you earn more.

AFrankExchangeofViews · 25/04/2025 08:18

So his proposed contribution to his living costs is paying for himself to drive to make his life easier, and possibly paying for himself on holidays. Frankly just someone suggesting that to me would make me want to run a mile.

Mrsttcno1 · 25/04/2025 08:22

Surely you just spit the bills & food shopping? So he doesn’t pay you anything towards the actual house, but just pays a % of the bills (council tax, utilities, wifi, TV etc) and then a % of the food shopping?

Prima123 · 25/04/2025 08:24

Regardless of salary differences, he will be saving lots by living with you. I would expect him to contribute fairly to the bills (water/electric/council tax etc) and perhaps pay for food shopping? I would want some agreement in place before moving in otherwise he will be freeloading off you!

mindutopia · 25/04/2025 10:02

So when he moves in, he’s going to buy himself a car and pay for it and that will be his contribution to you for all his living expenses?

Are you still paying a mortgage? I’d expect him to put that amount in a joint account each month to be used for joint expenses, like food shopping, household bills, joint holidays, meals out. You can jiggle that amount around depending on your overall budget. He gets mortgage free living and you get bill free living, with some adjustments here and there. You both continue to pay your personal expenses, like car, phone, a night out with friends from your personal accounts.

Whatonearth07957 · 25/04/2025 21:44

He pays half bills and doesn't get to live rent free on you, sorry DP... Look at rent/lodger amounts for area. Fair enough you pay streaming. Thank god you'll be having a cohabitation agreement if he does move in. You've got your head screwed on. No earthly reason why he shouldn't pay board.

RynNOTerine · 25/04/2025 21:48

You pay the mortgage then 50/50 on the remaining bills, plus food.

Slightyamusedandsilly · 25/04/2025 22:01

fishpsycho · 24/04/2025 23:35

but would he still be a cocklodger if he does most of the housework?

Show quote history

But you've already said you do the cleaning and he does the cooking. I don't think those 2 things are equal. If he cooks, you do the washing up/clear up. You need to make clear that you expect half of the cleaning to be done by him too.

If you earn twice as much as him, you pay the mortgage (it'll protect you from him having a claim if you split up anyway) and get him to pay half the (full) council tax, because you're going to lose your 25% discount and half the bills. Including the TV subscription and food. If he doesn't want to pay those amount, tell him you're not ready to move in together yet.

He is angling to live with you on the cheap. The red flag is flying. Maybe if he can see you're not willing to be taken advantage of, maybe he'll wise up.

Original poster
fishpsycho · 25/04/2025 22:16

thank you all! everyone's advice has been really helpful. i'd like to believe he's a nice guy and will have a detailed discussion regarding sharing finances with him soon.

OP posts:
TheHappyBug · 25/04/2025 22:23

I would list out all of the bills, include WiFi, water, TV license etc. he pays half of everything and you pay the mortgage solely.

Protect your asset and don’t let him take you for a mug.

If he won’t pay half then don’t move in together. There is a lot to be said for living separately.

BessieBest · 25/04/2025 22:29

You would be insane to move him in! No No No!!

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