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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Sexual limerence for ex

37 replies

BlushofFrench · 24/04/2025 05:34

Does it count as limerence if it is an ex?

We were together only a handful of times - 7 weekends.

He gave me the honeymoon period.

During the course of one month, a stranger gradually appeared.

My thoroughbred exciting smiling lovely date gradually disappeared.
Until finally, someone I didn’t recognise took over.

The stranger had a different voice, diminished, huffifng and puffing quietly with displeasure about who knows what.
The smiles were gone forever.
There were deep front lines I had not seen before.
The softness and the beauty was gone from his face.
He seemed to change colour, too… like a tan that slowly fades, he also appeared worn and filled with barely concealed ill will for not just me, but for everyone, including, including child relatives.
He appeared to be fed up with the world in general.
Simple tasks were mentioned as though they were an intricately planned expedition to Everest.

The light that was briefly there was gone.

Meeting him file me with inexplicable tightness in my chest and a heavy dark almost rotten massive cloud of deep grey anxiety.

The way he looked at me was indecipherable, I saw him one morning staring at me intently while I slept… I can only liken it to how Sherlock Holmes looked at a particularly tough riddle within a puzzle with perhaps a young wild unpredictable lion inside it.

No one has ever looked at me like that before.
I’m an open book, if anything I’m too outgoing and transparent.
I try to be a decent person and I do not have any skeletons in my closet.
That does not mean there are not things I need to work on, but I let it all hang out and I’m certainly not mysterious as you can tell from my sharing and interactive post.

I began to realise I does not know the people around him, that is because he is constantly thinking of himself and his own needs and how to serve them.

He is not openly nasty, but I realised he was enjoying giving me a semi silent treatment and thinly veiled passive aggressive nagging.

I could he was gazing upon me with hostility, he tried to hide it, but I could feel the waved micro aggressions and the hint of a sort of dark energy.

He think he was preparing me for psychological abuse and the things he Negev me on were my best very small privileges I had which he did no, and I think that dark energy was mostly jealousy, seething, I think those things he focused on about me made him feel inadequate, although they were nothing special and other have it better,

I began to dislike ly him very quickly and jumped ship at light speed. I have blocked him on every single thing.

The point of my post is
Does it count as LIMERENCE if it is an ex?
We were together only a handful of times - 7 weekends.

He made love to me in a way I didn’t dream possible, and I find myself longing for a person I learned to dislike and lost respect for, when I wrongly look at videos of him, he almost makes my skin crawl, yet the overwhelming desire remains.

What has he done to ?

I am so confused and upset with myself, but I cannot help it.
He made love to me like he loved me. He asked me exactly what I like and gave it to me in spades, I lost any inhibitions I had with him. Our bodies fit like two pieces of one whole. He felt it to, we were both shaken and Euphoric.

What the fuck is that?

I want rid of him, he is like a virus that has overtaken my mind and body.

Please, I need some comfort and reassurance and for someone to explain all this to me.

OP posts:
Girlmom35 · 24/04/2025 08:54

I think you would be getting a lot more replies if you kept your post a bit more 'to the point', rather than filling it up with all these embellished descriptions. It feels like struggling through a literary novel just to decipher the message you're trying to get across. Most people won't bother doing that.

To get to your question. Does it matter whether you call it limerence or not?
How long ago did things end?

DefinitelyNotMaybe · 24/04/2025 08:56

The way he looked at me was indecipherable

Oh the irony...

Gyh863 · 24/04/2025 09:10

I know what you mean. It’s hard to forget the best sex of your life, even after you know they aren’t right for you outside the bedroom. Once you’ve experienced that level of chemistry and compatibility, sex just isn’t the same.

Legomania · 24/04/2025 09:32

I think, to put it mildly, you are overthinking things after basically 14 days of sex.

In answer to your actual question, when it comes to sex, on one level, we are basically animals, and you've just been hit with a cocktail of hormones. It will die down, particularly if you distract yourself with hobbies, work etc

rainbowstardrops · 24/04/2025 09:34

DefinitelyNotMaybe · 24/04/2025 08:56

The way he looked at me was indecipherable

Oh the irony...

Quite!

pimplebum · 24/04/2025 09:39

What is Limerence ?

your post reads like bad AI or a terrible romance novel

can you rephrase your question ?

ghostyslovesheets · 24/04/2025 09:47

how about -

hi, I was with this guy for 14 days - he actually wasn’t very nice but the sex was good - why do I still miss the sex?

oh and the answer is because it was good sex, it’ll pass - might go a bit quicker if you stop romanticising it like a bad gothic novel

BelfastBard · 24/04/2025 10:19

You spent 14 days sleeping with a man who turned out to just not be very nice. You’re far from the only woman in that position and it truly didn’t need the attempt at a Mills And Boon epic with that post.
You enjoyed the sex, you didn’t like how he treated you otherwise, and now you’ve blocked him. That seems the most reasonable course of action in the circumstances.
Inexplicably, you’re now rewriting it into something it wasn’t… it was seven weeks. Seven.
Stop watching videos of him. Stop pining for him. You blocked him for a reason. The navel gazing isn’t helping you.

BelfastBard · 24/04/2025 10:22

pimplebum · 24/04/2025 09:39

What is Limerence ?

your post reads like bad AI or a terrible romance novel

can you rephrase your question ?

This. I actually cringed.

Amuseaboosh · 24/04/2025 10:33

DefinitelyNotMaybe · 24/04/2025 08:56

The way he looked at me was indecipherable

Oh the irony...

Thank you, you read my mind.

OP, I stopped reading after a few seconds. I hope you find some answers to your indecipherable question(s).

LuxuryWoman2020 · 24/04/2025 10:51

How did you know he was staring at you intently if you were asleep?

BelfastBard · 24/04/2025 10:54

I keep coming back to this.
I can only liken it to how Sherlock Holmes looked at a particularly tough riddle within a puzzle with perhaps a young wild unpredictable lion inside it.
I have been here for more years than I’d care to count and it’s truly probably the most bizarre thing I’ve read.

YouHaveAnArse · 24/04/2025 11:27

"I’m certainly not mysterious as you can tell from my sharing and interactive post."

But you're not interacting with us, here. What are you looking for from this post? And have you tried just going on the pull to fuck it out of your system?

tygertygers · 24/04/2025 11:37

This reads like a Wilkie Collins novel, I liked the but about Sherlock Holmes.

notatinydancer · 24/04/2025 12:17

Are you doing GCSE English ? If you’re an adult go out and shag someone else or if you think you’ll never get better sex get thee to a nunnery 🙄

BIWI · 24/04/2025 12:44

I saw him one morning staring at me intently while I slept

Were you having an out-of-body experience?

kittensinthekitchen · 24/04/2025 19:14

My thoroughbred exciting smiling lovely date gradually disappeared.
Until finally, someone I didn’t recognise took over.

Thank goodness for that. Im not sure we can condone bestiality

RockyRogue1001 · 24/04/2025 21:05

To me, the most entertaining thread today on mn

Bbq1 · 24/04/2025 23:31

Huh?!!

HouseCaptain · 24/04/2025 23:39

I thought this was a poem until I got half way down.

Sex is great, but often doesn’t mirror reality.

monktasmic · 24/04/2025 23:43

What the holy fuck are you on about babes?

Darkgreendarkbark · 24/04/2025 23:52

I actually really like your writing, OP! Not everything has to be brisk and matter-of-fact, does it? You are naturally expressive, never mind if it's not everyone's style.
Sorry about your head-wrecker ex and the forsaken sex. Hope you find another as good. I think using the word "limerence" is usually a sign that a person's stopped thinking for themselves, so don't be that person. You felt what you felt and it was real, and now it just has to subside.

Beanosaurus · 24/04/2025 23:56

Cringe

Usernamenope · 25/04/2025 03:49

BelfastBard · 24/04/2025 10:54

I keep coming back to this.
I can only liken it to how Sherlock Holmes looked at a particularly tough riddle within a puzzle with perhaps a young wild unpredictable lion inside it.
I have been here for more years than I’d care to count and it’s truly probably the most bizarre thing I’ve read.

I'd like to know how the lion got into the puzzle in the first place. Did it have to solve the riddle to get in there with Holmes looking on? So many questions.

Janeaustenrocks · 25/04/2025 05:36

I just could not read to the end. I gave up and didnt give a shit.
Perhaps you spoke in this way to him and that's why he stared at you while you slept and lost his tan?
To be fair, I'd get a bit moody if someone kept speaking like this... Like a puzzle with a riddle with a lion inside.