Just over 2 year relationship ended a couple of months ago. I was absolutely heartbroken at the time, but I'm starting to feel better now.
There were a few things that contributed to the end, including my insecurities (which I fully take on board need addressing) but there's a particular thing that I'm finding myself obsessing over and just wanted some unbiased opinions.
One of the factors that came up regularly was infrequent sex. We were only 2 years in, so generally still the honeymoon period I would think? Due to children we could only see each other one overnight a week and every other weekend, so opportunities to be intimate were arguably rare. I was "up for it" more than him and did get upset sometimes when it didn't happen. Disappointed, but never confrontational about it.
He told me that "sex isn't up there for me in a relationship" and that other things are more important, such as care, consideration and doing thoughtful things for each other. I agree that these things are extremely important, but I think sex is too.
The last weekend we saw each other, we had t had sex in 2 weeks. He made a comment about going to bed to watch a film and fall asleep and I said "oh, so that's no sex again then" or something along those lines. This ended up being a long conversation about how I felt a bit undesired. At no point did I raise my voice or get angry, I just wanted to talk I t through. He got very animated and upset. Due to porn being discussed in the past a d there being a niggling thoughts in the back of mind, rised this and asked if he thought perhaps watching a lot of porn might impact his desire to have actual sex. I asked him if he thought he had a compulsion. He said "yes". He was a bit drunk if that's relevant.
We talked a bit more and I made it clear that I was not judging him, I just wanted him to understand how saying that sex wasn't important to him and the porn compulsion thing is hard to hear.
We agreed a few days space. 3 days later he sent me a pic of a book he'd bought about your brain on internet porn and a screenshot of an app he'd downloaded to track usage. Said he "understood where I was coming from" first few chapters made sense etc. that we'd talk in 10 days or so when he'd had chance to "sort himself out"
A week later... He didn't have a problem, he "capitulated", it's my insecurities and he finished it. To my utter shame I begged, he said we'd talk again in a couple of days. He then ghosted me for a week before coming back with other reasons it wasn't working that were new to me.
What the hell happened in that week? How can you go from buying a book and app (days after the conversation) to it not being a problem at all?
I know I wasn't perfect in this relationship, but I'm so confused by all of this.