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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What happened in that week??

34 replies

LunaDrift89 · 20/04/2025 09:51

Just over 2 year relationship ended a couple of months ago. I was absolutely heartbroken at the time, but I'm starting to feel better now.

There were a few things that contributed to the end, including my insecurities (which I fully take on board need addressing) but there's a particular thing that I'm finding myself obsessing over and just wanted some unbiased opinions.

One of the factors that came up regularly was infrequent sex. We were only 2 years in, so generally still the honeymoon period I would think? Due to children we could only see each other one overnight a week and every other weekend, so opportunities to be intimate were arguably rare. I was "up for it" more than him and did get upset sometimes when it didn't happen. Disappointed, but never confrontational about it.

He told me that "sex isn't up there for me in a relationship" and that other things are more important, such as care, consideration and doing thoughtful things for each other. I agree that these things are extremely important, but I think sex is too.

The last weekend we saw each other, we had t had sex in 2 weeks. He made a comment about going to bed to watch a film and fall asleep and I said "oh, so that's no sex again then" or something along those lines. This ended up being a long conversation about how I felt a bit undesired. At no point did I raise my voice or get angry, I just wanted to talk I t through. He got very animated and upset. Due to porn being discussed in the past a d there being a niggling thoughts in the back of mind, rised this and asked if he thought perhaps watching a lot of porn might impact his desire to have actual sex. I asked him if he thought he had a compulsion. He said "yes". He was a bit drunk if that's relevant.

We talked a bit more and I made it clear that I was not judging him, I just wanted him to understand how saying that sex wasn't important to him and the porn compulsion thing is hard to hear.

We agreed a few days space. 3 days later he sent me a pic of a book he'd bought about your brain on internet porn and a screenshot of an app he'd downloaded to track usage. Said he "understood where I was coming from" first few chapters made sense etc. that we'd talk in 10 days or so when he'd had chance to "sort himself out"

A week later... He didn't have a problem, he "capitulated", it's my insecurities and he finished it. To my utter shame I begged, he said we'd talk again in a couple of days. He then ghosted me for a week before coming back with other reasons it wasn't working that were new to me.

What the hell happened in that week? How can you go from buying a book and app (days after the conversation) to it not being a problem at all?

I know I wasn't perfect in this relationship, but I'm so confused by all of this.

OP posts:
LunaDrift89 · 20/04/2025 11:04

RedHelenB · 20/04/2025 11:01

This You weren't right together and it's best that he ended it. A relationship where you see each other so infrequently shouldn't be so difficult.

I understand what you're saying.

I think I probably could have lived with the infrequent sex at his pace tbh. I really loved him.
But the fact he was (by his admittance) watching a lot of porn means he did have a high sex drive. Just not with me. Which made me feel like complete shit!

OP posts:
Imbusytodaysorry · 20/04/2025 11:08

LunaDrift89 · 20/04/2025 10:39

Therapy is going ok thanks, slow but ok.
I also lost a parent last year, so I need help with working through that too.

Thanks for reading through the typos.
That’s good stick with it and sorry for your loss. This is not a you problem .
You will go on to have a healthy relationship and healthy sex life.
It’s his loss.

LunaDrift89 · 20/04/2025 11:08

Letsummercommence · 20/04/2025 11:02

Porn is about orgasms and not a lot else. Sex is about connection, intimacy, fun and lots of other feelings as well as orgasms.
It's loads easier to just sort yourself out, especially if you aren't 100% into someone.

I'm sorry he wasn't the one. There are others out there.

Yep, all of that I get. That's what I was looking for, the intimacy, the connection.

Porn AND a good sex life I could have lived with.

Less sex AND him not obsessively fapping over porn I could have lived with.

I don't think I'm being unreasonable to be upset by infrequent sex and frequent porn.
How on earth am I supposed to feel about myself with that situation?!

OP posts:
LunaDrift89 · 20/04/2025 11:11

Letsummercommence · 20/04/2025 11:02

Porn is about orgasms and not a lot else. Sex is about connection, intimacy, fun and lots of other feelings as well as orgasms.
It's loads easier to just sort yourself out, especially if you aren't 100% into someone.

I'm sorry he wasn't the one. There are others out there.

Also, him not being 100% into me is a really upsetting thought. He told me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me! Was so in love etc etc.

Fucking hell. How depressing.

OP posts:
Fraggeek · 20/04/2025 11:16

Ultimately it's an addiction and not about you at all. Addiction does funny things to the brain, so you can't ever blame yourself for not being enough. He could have been in a relationship with anyone and it would have ended the same because he's not ready to give it up.
It is very much a him problem. Not a you problem.
It doesn't matter how much you love someone when addiction is concerned.

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 20/04/2025 11:28

Addicts who are actively in addiction….
Trying to reason with one is like dealing with a monkey with a machine gun.
Someone close to me is actively drinking, an alcoholic sober for a long time. One minute at AA meetings, full of enthusiasm, then go to Morrisons on the way home, open a bottle of whisky and get drunk in the aisle… before the drink has been paid for.
Porn addiction is real and is seen as very shameful as sadly to get a hit the websites draw addicts in to more extreme stuff. To the point where sex with another human being is impossible.
We all have hang-ups but you’ve blamed yours for the rejection here, and so has he.
Addicts blame others and are in a constant state of denial if they are active.
He has had a window where he thought he could share his addiction but the reality of dealing with it was too much. And to be quite frank if you’d stayed with him the chances of him overcoming it are not great. If he does want to sort it out, it’s far better for him to do so in his own.
You have been through a lot. When you lose a parent it can turn your world upside down. Instead of dealing with that, your brain often turns to another issue to try and make sense of it. It stops you from really confronting what’s going on for you.
As for the romantic notions of being in love forever, well it sounds great, but real life rears its head and it’s dealt with or denied.
Keep going to therapy and talking. But know that a pre-existing porn addiction is not your fault. A catwalk full of supermodels could have paraded around the bedroom and he’d have turned over and ignored them.

LunaDrift89 · 20/04/2025 11:46

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 20/04/2025 11:28

Addicts who are actively in addiction….
Trying to reason with one is like dealing with a monkey with a machine gun.
Someone close to me is actively drinking, an alcoholic sober for a long time. One minute at AA meetings, full of enthusiasm, then go to Morrisons on the way home, open a bottle of whisky and get drunk in the aisle… before the drink has been paid for.
Porn addiction is real and is seen as very shameful as sadly to get a hit the websites draw addicts in to more extreme stuff. To the point where sex with another human being is impossible.
We all have hang-ups but you’ve blamed yours for the rejection here, and so has he.
Addicts blame others and are in a constant state of denial if they are active.
He has had a window where he thought he could share his addiction but the reality of dealing with it was too much. And to be quite frank if you’d stayed with him the chances of him overcoming it are not great. If he does want to sort it out, it’s far better for him to do so in his own.
You have been through a lot. When you lose a parent it can turn your world upside down. Instead of dealing with that, your brain often turns to another issue to try and make sense of it. It stops you from really confronting what’s going on for you.
As for the romantic notions of being in love forever, well it sounds great, but real life rears its head and it’s dealt with or denied.
Keep going to therapy and talking. But know that a pre-existing porn addiction is not your fault. A catwalk full of supermodels could have paraded around the bedroom and he’d have turned over and ignored them.

Edited

Thank you for such a well thought out post ❤️ it's really kind of you.

I think I just needed other opinions on whether this did sound like an addiction or if I was overreacting.

I know that if it is an addiction it's not really anything to do with me. I guess I just wanted to hear thoughts because it's not really something I want to talk to my friends about. It's embarrassing.

OP posts:
MightAsWellBeGretel · 20/04/2025 13:08

LunaDrift89 · 20/04/2025 10:36

In fairness, I had insecurities before I met him. It's just that this didn't help!

I just can't square the "sex isn't important to me, but I watch a lot of porn "
Evidently he does have a high sex drive, just not with real people.

That's exactly it.

Be careful not to just write off things you feel uncomfortable with as your insecurities.

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 20/04/2025 13:58

You did not cause it.
You cannot control it.
You cannot cure it.

These are the 3C’s from Al Anon, a support group for people affected by someone else’s alcoholism.

I wouldn’t be embarrassed to tell a few trusted friends. It is far more common than you think. But you do what you feel is right for you.

Your therapist will certainly be aware of porn addiction as well.

But it’s not your addiction. You get one precious life and you deserve to share it with a present partner who you can connect and enjoy life with.

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