Together for 25 yrs and so fucking over his shit

[SummerDaysOnTheWay]

We met at uni… married 21 years ago… 2 beautiful kids… he’s my best friend…. But jesus fucking christ he’s hard work!!!

Perimenopause hits and you just think FUCK OFF… I love you dearly, but you annoy the fucking SHIT out of me!

WHAT do you do ladies… what. Do. You. Do???

Well, knowing what I know now, which is the sheer bliss of being single, I’d leave.

What's your specific irritation (s)?

Divorce. It’s bliss. Peaceful life.

Oh lovely we know!
But what's the specific problem you felt the need to post?

I could have written this post myself OP.

I’ve been with my Husband for a similar length of time and every single day lately I’m questioning if we should stay together.

Sorry youre going through this OP, i can relate. Following for advice

Do. Not. Divorce unless you're happy to be single. My ex H left me.
It is lovely having complete autonomy and not living with an angry man.
But dating in my late 40s. It's just grim. All the men have gone to seed and are single for a reason.

Therapy. Lots of it.

One thing I would stress, is that if you don’t want to be alone, have a look at some dating apps (purely as an academic exercise) and see what’s out there in terms of middle aged men. It is not rich pickings.
Do this before you start planning a divorce.

I’m with you op. My dh is amazing, seriously one of the nicest, most genuine people I’ve ever met. But yesterday I wanted to stab him in the eye with a fork. I must have picked everything he said to pieces and drive him up the wall. By the time we got home from doing the food shop, I ended up going back to bed and he disappeared outside and washed the car. Poor bloke.

You’re not obliged to spend your life fielding shit from a man. Your life actually matters too.

Good idea.

Why is he annoying you? Is his behaviour actually unreasonable or is your fuse just shorter? I found menopause made me far less patient and willing to compromise on anything, even the poor dog started to get on my nerves! If it’s him, draw your lines on what you’re prepared to accept and if it’s you maybe just have a long frank talk with him about how you’re struggling and if he can help?

My starting point here given that you mention perimenopause would be that it's your hormones that are to blame more than his actual behaviour. And if you walk out on him you are going to regret it. But it's hard to know without knowing what actually annoys you about him.

Same OP, we met at uni, together 21 years, 2 kids. Peri and small child sleep deprivation is hitting me hard and I'm cross a lot of the time.

I'm dealing with it by obsessively cleaning and re-organising the house . . .

HRT!

Agree therapy is probably best in your case, or at least try it to help you navigate your feelings toward him. In my case I am so over it now and looking forward to solitude!

Think about how you’d feel if he’d died and you’d never see him again and work from there, talk to him, make it work, or maybe don’t.

newly widowed here and missing my DH badly, I’d give anything to have him back.

I'm sorry @Robinsinthegarden

I’m the same OP, perimenopausal plus in a ‘caring profession’ and in the sandwich generation (both sets of parents needing support, DS in throes of teenage hormones and exams). I just feel as though I spend my life looking after other people’s wellbeing at the expense of my own, and I don’t have the patience for it anymore.

Things that have helped:
HRT (and a herbal supplement) - this has made more difference to physical symptoms, but it helps with sleep, anxiety, and brain fog, so overall I feel much calmer.

Strenuous cardiovascular exercise and weight training - if I miss a few days I notice it!

Making time to spend with DH, walking and talking.

Regular sex (helps a lot with maintaining emotional closeness).

Planning stuff on my own- weekends away, days out - doing things that are MY interests.

I also use CBT techniques to work through things when I’m aware that I’m being unreasonably irritable, so that I don’t take it out on DH (who is lovely and very understanding, but is also human and fallible). Even with all this, there are days when everything annoys me; I’m hoping it will eventually pass!

There isn't anything in the OP's post to suggest that he's done anything wrong. Maybe he's feeling the same as her!

I think if you still love him it will be hard to split.
I speak as someone who has split after a similar amount of time. I love being single and have no regrets but I didn’t love mine any more.

Are you on HRT? Isn't it hormonal, apologies if that sounds too dismissive but it's such a huge thing. EVERYTHING and EVERYONE really annoyed me for years. (Although my main issue was anxiety and brain fog) But it was most definitely me not them... I'm postmenopausal now and everything is back to normal.. went back on it for one reason or another and ended up being so rude and snappy with my husband one day (and he had no idea what he had done that was so irritating) that I came off again immediately. Hormones are the work of the devil. He's your best friend and you love him... sounds to me like you're very lucky and finding ways to deal with it and give yourself a bit of space/kindness would help. He'll understand hopefully if you talk to him about it and explain that you feel supremely irritated a lot of the time. Good luck!

I kinda learned to tune it out. And tbf he must have learned to tune out mine