Bf of 4 years no longer wants children

[Squiggles88]

Good evening everyone. I know this kind of problem has been asked a million times over but I just want to vent. I (37 F) have been with my bf (27 M) i was very upfront in the beginning what I wanted and he was very enthusiastic that he was the man that fit the bill. At the time I was 33 and taking my time to find the right person. I felt like I should open my options up to the possibility of finding the right person and being open-minded to men both older and younger than myself.
When I met my bf we met up and there was an instant spark. We liked all the same things and had incredible energy. He said quite quickly that he could imagine, marriage and children, travelling and making the most of life. Fast forward to now and he says he doesn't want kids. The reason I chose him was because he did want the same things. I at the time was dating as much as I could to narrow down the right guy and other guys I had met were great guys but just didn't feel right. I don't know what to do now as I feel crushed. I know I should leave but I don't think there's much chance for me to start over and meet someone to have children at my age now anyway. Anyway that's my vent. Sorry if it was a ramble.

@FearistheMindKillerr , you can have a baby with donor sperm without IVF.
AID and IVF are not synonymous.

I never understand this 🤷 if she wanted children so badly why didn't she discuss it before marriage ? Is it not a normal thing to talk about your goals in life to your potential mate before making that huge commitment?

I agree. I asked my now ex h at the end if our first date if he wanted marriage and kids.

I don't know if they discussed it, if she assumed, if he changed his mind. He regrets it now, she has no sympathy for his feelings.

I don't think that's true. A lot of men take their time deciding they want kids: they feel they have that luxury, but in the end fatherhood is something they want. Having kids is not all driven by women, which seems to be the implication.

If OP's fella was her own age, it might be more worth the gamble on the relationship lasting, but there's a decade between them. They're at different life stages.

In a few years time, OP's chance to have kids will pretty much be history, while he could still find someone his own age to try with.

My SIL married a man 16 years older than her, who had 4 children from 2 previous relationships. He'd had a vasectomy, so having children with him, was never on the cards. He had an affair 7 years into the marriage, with a woman only a year or so younger than him. My SIL and him divorced, and her first comment to me after they split was 'In gave up having children for him'. She was devastated that the marriage had ended but it brought home the reality that she'd given up children for a cheating rat. She'd had gyno issues by then and had to have a hysterectomy. Marrying a man, so much older is something she bitterly regrets, and not having children. If you want children, please don't waste any chances you may have, if that means ending your current relationship, then do so.

Follow your strongest gut instinct and if you feel that it’s worth sacrificing this man for at least the chance of finding someone else to have a child with - then do it. Your BF was pretty young still when you met and even now is still in his 20s and possibly in reality doesn’t know what he wants. How would you feel if you stuck with him for the next few years, when you’ll have truly lost your child bearing years and he decides actually he does want kids and then leaves you not because he doesn’t love you but because he realises he will need to leave to make that happen with a younger woman? Then you’ll have lost two things in one go. Ultimately, every decision especially where it involves trusting in others is a risk, but just try not to make choices based on the fact that right now you feel defeated and demoralised ♥️

Time to walk away. He can (and probably will) change his mind in ten or fifteen years -too late for you. You can meet someone else and have children. I did, and I was older than you at the time.

Yes he’s messed you about but he was far too young, in my view, and probably still is. DH and I married in our late 20s and started trying for DC at 30. He wouldn’t before that point. Neither did most of our mates. You’re going to have to choose - so you need to decide what you want and make it clear to him. If it’s still no, you have your answer. 37 is not too old for most women.

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