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Original poster

Dating six weeks, don't know where I stand

27 replies

user0800 · 16/04/2025 20:03

I have been dating/seeing someone I've known of for a while for 6 weeks (both mid thirties) and have seen them about twice a week in that time for dates. We have had 'stay over's 3 separate nights. We are always in continuous contact and he has always asked about my schedule in person to arrange when we are next meeting each other.

Apart from some very flirty and sexual texts now and again, he doesn't tell me how he feels about things, about me or where things are going, and because I am starting to have feelings, this is making me feel uncomfortable. He will sometimes compliment something I wear, or how I have my hair and occasionally my body in the bedroom. But he doesn't call me beautiful, sexy, gorgeous in person or over text.

The last time I stayed over I asked him how long had we been seeing each other now in the hope he might open up more about how he felt, but he was very matter of fact of it and didn't elaborate on how he feels about it.

He has discussed me with his friends and family as he answered a call and told them he was with me and didn't have to explain who I was.

I guess ideally I'd be wanting some reassurance that this is going in the right direction and he is feeling the same as me, not sure if it's still too soon for it or if by now I should have more clarity on things? I just worry he isn't feeling in the same place as I am about things.

OP posts:
DorothyStorm · 16/04/2025 20:06

Calm down. 6 weeks is nothing.

namechangeGOT · 16/04/2025 20:09

In the nicest possible way, it’s been 6 weeks. A month and half. How on Earth would most people know how they felt, where things were going after such a tiny amount of time? Stop rushing things, go with it and see where it goes as opposed to pushing it.

FeelingLessTired · 16/04/2025 20:13

6 weeks. It's no time at all. Stop rushing. Slow down. And for heavens sake don't pressure him. You sound way way way too intense. If you want more in a committed relationship then don't have 'stay-overs'. You will only feel used if you are not on the same page.

ETA- not to shame you for having sex- but if you are wanting something more and he is wanting a shag then you are on a one way path to heartbreak. You need to protect yourself.

cryinginthechapel · 16/04/2025 20:15

With respect, I’ve got stuff in my fridge older than your “relationship”

Olika · 16/04/2025 20:17

I think you are putting unnecessary pressure/stress on yourself. Just spend time with him, get to know him, and his behaviour will tell you where you stand with him and if he is building a relationship with you.

MrsBungle · 16/04/2025 20:17

6 weeks?! I’d leave it (a lot) longer!

JoyDreamer86 · 16/04/2025 20:18

I wouldnt want to be pressured into explaining where I thought something might go after 6 weeks. I'd be enjoying my time with that person and having fun and slowly allowing a glimmer of hope to develop but nothing more.

canthavethatonethen · 16/04/2025 20:23

I'm guessing that the OP is wondering whether this has gone from a regular friendship to a relationship (which it has in her eyes), or whether in his eyes he is simply viewing it as a FWB situation.

So it is a reasonable thing to ask about really.

JoyDreamer86 · 16/04/2025 20:30

canthavethatonethen · 16/04/2025 20:23

I'm guessing that the OP is wondering whether this has gone from a regular friendship to a relationship (which it has in her eyes), or whether in his eyes he is simply viewing it as a FWB situation.

So it is a reasonable thing to ask about really.

From the way she describes it they are dating. I dont think it's fair to say it has to be a relationship or else he just sees it as FWB. Maybe it's good when things dont move too fast- no lovebombing or whatever its called!

TheSlantedOwl · 16/04/2025 20:33

It’s ok to talk about exclusivity now - and important you do so I think.

He sounds quite cold? I hear you. It’s a new relationship but you aren’t getting a sense that he’s emotionally connecting.

interestedwhy · 16/04/2025 20:37

I think you need to have the chat about exclusivity - but other than that relax - it’s early days and you might not like what you get to know over the next six weeks !

GingerPaste · 16/04/2025 20:38

TheSlantedOwl · 16/04/2025 20:33

It’s ok to talk about exclusivity now - and important you do so I think.

He sounds quite cold? I hear you. It’s a new relationship but you aren’t getting a sense that he’s emotionally connecting.

Yeah, this.

It’s perfectly reasonable to want to know where things are heading so that you’re not wasting your time or getting emotionally involved when he isn’t.

He does sound a bit cold but the fact that he’s told his family about you suggests that it’s not just a quick fling.

PopThatBench · 16/04/2025 20:39

I think he’s giving off all good signs by your account of him giving compliments, confidently telling the person on the phone that he’s with you and not having to explain who you are and always asking when he’s next going to see you.

All the films, books and TV series lead us to believe it should be a lot more romantic and “quicker” than it actually happens.

I think at this stage, you could perhaps ask if you’re sexually exclusive to keep yourself safe but I wouldn’t suggest outright asking “where is this going” just yet as it’s still quite soon x

Sunrise8888 · 16/04/2025 20:41

I agree that 6 weeks is very short time. I remember even after 4 months of dating, I didn’t love my partner, I just liked spending time with him and liked when he was next to me. I was looking forward to seeing him though. If you want to know something, then ask if he is going on other dates. I wouldn’t want to go out with someone that sleeps with other women at the same time though. Also, don’t put him on the pedestal - he is just a human. Try to find something to do so you don’t think about him as much. By the way, when I was dating my current partner, he didn’t compliment me neither 😂 I was getting compliments from other men but not him. It was strange though. However he started complimenting me way much later into the relationship and he still does.

AlisounOfBath · 16/04/2025 20:46

Judge him by what he does, not what he says. He:

  • Makes concrete and timely plans to see you
  • Has told people he cares about that you exist
  • He keeps in regular and frequent contact with you
After 6 weeks, I think that’s absolutely the best you could hope for! As my Dad always used to say, never trust grand gestures and big words. If he remembers things like how long you’ve been dating, how you like your tea, who the important people are in your life etc, these are the things that count.
MightAsWellBeGretel · 16/04/2025 20:52

I agree with all PPs. Calm down a bit and have the exclusivity chat. It's still very early days, it shouldn't be pressured!

I don't think he does sound cold - I personally hate it when men call me 'beautiful, sexy or gorgeous' because to me, that sounds like thoughtless clichés men use to get women into bed. I'm not saying you're wrong if that's what you want, I'm just pointing out that not everyone likes those terms.

Original poster
user0800 · 16/04/2025 21:47

Thank you, I have more reassurance from Mumsnet than I do from him that's for sure!

OP posts:
JoyDreamer86 · 16/04/2025 21:59

user0800 · 16/04/2025 21:47

Thank you, I have more reassurance from Mumsnet than I do from him that's for sure!

How long have you known him for? Was he like a friend of a friend before you started dating?

TheHerboriste · 16/04/2025 22:00

I have food in my refrigerator older than six weeks. Why on earth do you need to “know where you stand”??? Why not just date with no expectations or timetable.

Obsess over categorizing and defining at this extremely early stage sounds unhealthy.

TheHerboriste · 16/04/2025 22:02

user0800 · 16/04/2025 21:47

Thank you, I have more reassurance from Mumsnet than I do from him that's for sure!

Reassurance about what?

If the situation is causing you that much anxiety, perhaps you aren’t in a good frame of mind to be dating. Never revolve your self-esteem and identity around what a man says or does.

Cupidismypal · 16/04/2025 22:05

FeelingLessTired · 16/04/2025 20:13

6 weeks. It's no time at all. Stop rushing. Slow down. And for heavens sake don't pressure him. You sound way way way too intense. If you want more in a committed relationship then don't have 'stay-overs'. You will only feel used if you are not on the same page.

ETA- not to shame you for having sex- but if you are wanting something more and he is wanting a shag then you are on a one way path to heartbreak. You need to protect yourself.

Edited

@FeelingLessTired if you are wanting something more and he is wanting a shag then you are on a one way path to heartbreak. You need to protect yourself.

In the past I have been called "old-fashioned" by other women but this is good advice. You can't "unring that bell" but IMO it's always a good idea to find out if you are on the same page relationship-wise before you get involved with sexual activity.

I agree you should stop the stay-overs and the "very flirty and sexual texts" to make him aware that you're not a plaything.

You certainly have a right to know if you are sexually exclusive for health reasons, this is most important.

Pyjamatimenow · 16/04/2025 22:08

Always see them less than they ask for. See him once a week in the early days. I disagree that 6 weeks is too soon to know where you stand. If he was wanting to ensure you’re exclusive he’d have done it by now. You’re probably being too available. Dh was asking if I was seeing anyone else in the second week. Probably because he had no idea what I was doing between dates. Men like a bit of mystery

Ilovelurchers · 16/04/2025 22:29

I'd give it another 6 weeks of casual dating, and if things are still going well after that, tell him you would like to chat about where it is going, and would like to be exclusive or whatever (if that is what you feel). At this point, as nothing has been said, I would still be active on dating apps and chatting to/meeting other people (if you want to) and open to the fact he might well be doing the same.

Subwaystop · 17/04/2025 00:47

Not sure why you’re getting a ton of “six weeks is nothing” replies, like a chorus. Looks like you’re feeling confused and are experiencing him withdrawn in some ways emotionally. I think it’s fair to ask if he’s connecting with you emotionally on the level you need.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 17/04/2025 21:56

I don't think calling someone gorgeous etc means much at all it definitely doesn't mean a man is more into someone, it's just their style of if they like to dish out compliments

But if you're not comfortable sleeping with someone without knowing where you stand with them then don't do it/ stop it/ confirm with him where you stand