No more kids rant

[Gifgaf]

Me and DH just had our "last baby" I won't get into the deeper details but DH has given me a real hard time since having DB. He must have fallen a sleep during biology class to not understand how a child is made and that it takes two.

Nonetheless, DH gives me almost death glares if I even say how much I miss being pregnant or imagine how cute another baby. I can't even make a joke about being pregnant again. It's almost feels like a sense of toxic control all the time.

He so condescending in his tone and and makes comments like "I hope I've made myself clear about sorting out you won't get pregnant again". Actually makes me dislike him so much. I have told him I won't go on birth control because it doesn't react well with my body but since he's so passionate then he should get th snip but HE WONT because he would much rather I go sacrifice my body again, as if having babies and birthing them wasnt enough.

He jokes there are alternatives like oral but honestly out intimacy is gone to shits because I have no desire to sleep with this man. I don't regret my children but I wish I had known his true intentions from the start because I would.not.have had kids with him.

If he had a more kind and mature conversation from the start I would have respected his decision more but it's his tone I don't respect one bit and can't empathise to his needs at all.

Leaving him is just not an option at the moment but it's something that had deeply run through my mind.

Not sure what you want OP. If you aren’t on birth control and he won’t get the snip sounds like you both being a bit immature. Why would you joke about another baby or being pregnant knowing he was upset and would like DB to be the last? Do you want him to want to have more children, get the snip or quit the digs? Not sure what you mean about his true intentions?

Well he has every single right in the world to say he doesn't want anymore children, just as you do.
It's a decision that should be made openly and honestly and it sounds like he has.
Why on earth are you not wanting to sleep with him because he has said he doesn't want anymore children though 🤔
You absolutely shouldn't be withholding sex to punish him for not wanting anymore kids!
I appreciate he needs to have the snip and not put it all on you absolutely.
Tell him .....the snip leads to happy sex and watch him run to the clinic hopefully.

Is DB darling baby?!

It sounds like a bad relationship and if you can’t have sensible grown up conversations about stuff as major as creating whole new people you really should split up. If it’s not possible for now (and tbh it always is) then work towards it.

How old is DB and how many do you have?

If he doesn’t want the snip then he needs to find another way, risk withdrawal which might get the extra baby 🤣🤣 you won’t be tricking him, the risk is on him, or it’s (more sensibly) condoms.

How many children do you have and ages?
It can feel a very sad time for women when they realise they have had their last child and their family is complete, I know I felt a bit of a pang.
But then I gave myself a shake, realised I was immensely privileged to have two happy healthy kids and after being a sahm until they went to secondary school, looked at finding myself a job I loved, retraining, and doing something for me and that benefits my family financially.
Maybe time to count your blessings OP?

Divorce this twat. You're absolutely right that he shouldn't expect you to take contraception when it's him that doesn't want another.

@Ilovemeggy38 You absolutely shouldn't be withholding sex to punish him for not wanting anymore kids!

How about considering that OP simply isn't remotely sexually attracted to such a selfish bellend? When a bloke acts like such a twat that your fanny slams shut like the safe doors at Gringotts, your refusal isn't punishment, it's self-preservation.

I wouldn't be shagging a bloke who tells me, headmaster-like, that he hopes he's made it abundantly clear that there should be no more pregnancies, but refuses to get a simple, fast operation & puts all the responsibility and inconvenience etc on me.

Nah.

Yep. This.

At the start we both agreed we wanted kids but never how many (stupidly) but things changed and he's always putting the pressure on me with everything because I wanted kids which I think is ridiculous tbh. I am not withholding sex because he doesn't want anymore kids, I genuinely don't feel like it because he's constantly upsetting me. I am actually content with the kids we have but I don't appreciate the tone and putting it on me like I am the one responsible.

For years I was on BC and it just didn't sit well with me and then once we had our 2nd it was all fine and I still wasn't on birth control and he knew the risk of another baby but he never made me feel bad about. It's the controlling tone to make it my sole responsibity to prevent pregnancy when he could easily buy condoms, get the snip or take the risk of pull out. A bit tmi but we were doing the deed and I tried to pull him out because I am not protected and once it was done I told him why did you do that I am not protected and his response was to blame me

I was told I couldn't have kids and then I lost 2 kids so he knew how important kids were for me because I thought I'll never have them. I have 3 beautiful children and I think deep down I'll never feel done but I had to shake myself also and realise that I am content also and I want to enjoy my kids and I have explained this to him but he calls me names and makes me feel bad. I should be able to say I miss being pregnant without getting glares.

This is very spot on!

We had a great sex life before but I am simple have no sexual attraction to someone who makes me feel like I took the good years from them by having kids.

It sounds like you're being petty, unless you genuinely have the ick

Stop talking to him about it then! Talk to a girlfriend or female relative. Kids are expensive and physically and emotionally draining. Why don't you buy condoms with the grocery shop? I don't really understand why you enjoy being pregnant so much. Do you work? Is your home big enough for another child? I don't think you will be happy if he has a vasectomy if you yearn for another child though. I suspect your relationship is over tbh. Just a matter of time.

Your relationship is done.

Focus on changing things so you can leave, and not wasting any more of your life on this, or modelling such a shit relationship to your children.

He wouldn't stop during sex when you tried to stop him????

He is sounding worse and worse. It sounds like he has some disturbing attitudes/beliefs underlying his behaviour.

It doesn’t sound remotely petty to me, especially after op clarified she tried to get him to withdraw before and he wouldn’t, then blamed her. He seems to blame her a lot by the sound of it, including for getting pregnant after unprotecred sex. I wouldn’t be wanting to have sex with a man like this.

If he husband is being horrible to her, she isn't being petty by not wanting to have sex with him.

OP's DH doesn't have a right to sex. He is also the one who has made it crystal clear that having more children is out of the question, but won't take any sort of responsibility for making sure that OP doesn't get pregnant. He won't have a vasectomy, he won't use condoms and he refused to withdraw while having unprotected sex and then blamed OP.

Do you two even like each other? There really shouldn’t be any talks of babies when you both sound so unhappy and distrusting of each other.

I think your problem runs deeper than birth control. What an unpleasant guy.

You have got 3 children already which is more than enough for most folk. You constantly going on about having more when he doesn't must be really irritating. But one of you needs to take responsibility for contraception. If you've always dond it then its his turn. Or else live in a sexless marriage or split up.

You both sound quite immature in the way you’re handling this OP.

Him putting all the responsibility on you despite not wanting to take basic precautions. And you telling him you miss being pregnant, which very obviously will make him think you want to try for more children. It’s hardly surprising he side-eyes you when you say that.

If you both can’t try and have a more grown up conversation about it then your relationship will fail sooner or later. Maybe a couples counsellor could help facilitate this. He won’t like the idea but he won’t like never having sex with you again either which is where you’re heading now.

You need to have a calm, rational talk to him, all cards on the table. He doesn’t want any more kids , you wouldn’t mind more, but fair enough. However, contraception needs sorting and he’s responsible for it , being that he’s the one that feels so strongly about it. Here are his options, you both agree on one (or several) going forward. His attitude towards you also needs to change, you didn’t make those babies by yourself.

If he’s willing to listen , take responsibility and change there might be a chance to salvage this relationship. If he throws a strop and wants all the benefits without any responsibility or consequences, then this relationship is done and you need to start making plans with that in mind.

He should definitely sort out contraception, it’s not solely your responsibility.

Tbf to him if you have agreed not to have more kids it’s probably best not to joke about being pregnant or say how cute another baby would be. It must be happening frequently if it’s become such a bone of contention.

He's scum. You've done your part, why should you have to take all the risk of pregnancies and childbirth and hormonal contraception and he gets 8 seconds of pleasure and no risk or pain? He's a sexist pig. I'd tell him it's his sperm that gets you pregnant, therefore his responsibility. And you will not sleep with him again until he gets the snip, that it's non-negotiable. Time for him to step up with the responsibility, the selfish lazy pig.