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Original poster

Confused about mixed messages

28 replies

ThatCoralBiscuit · 15/04/2025 12:53

Im seeing a guy and have been for the past six weeks.
most of the time its lovely, we get on really well. However, when he has a busy or stressful working week, he lashes out.
we spoke for an hour by video call on Sunday. It was great. Yesterday when i told him i was going away this week, he suddenly turned saying he didnt care anymore, that he just wanted to be left alone. Then accused me of having a hookup with someone else.
he normally says goodnight and good morning. He has done neither and all my messages are being ignored. How can he suddenly be nice one day to completely turning against me.
i really care about him but he is now ignoring me .

OP posts:
GarrynotsoGorilla · 15/04/2025 12:58

@ThatCoralBiscuit That's not mixed messages, that is jealousy insecurity and controlling behaviour. Big red flag. Ignore back and move on in your life. Sorry x

WrylyAmused · 15/04/2025 13:00

6 weeks in, and already indications of him having serious red flag issues. Walk away, it won't get better.

Pearandgin · 15/04/2025 13:05

Walk away, don't waste your time on being his psychoanalyst, massive red flags.

MattCauthon · 15/04/2025 13:07

OP - this rang bells so I checked. It sounds like you've come out of a long relatinoship and are still grieving that and this man was showing red flag behaviour from day 1. And I suspect you've posted under different names too. Please just end it. He's controlling and potentially abusive and you are not ready for this. If someone behaves like this in the very early stages, imagine what he'll be like in 6 years.

Run now while you can and give yourself permission to get over the relationship you've lost.

MemorableTrenchcoat · 15/04/2025 13:09

It doesn’t matter why he behaves badly. Just end this toxic relationship.

loropianalover · 15/04/2025 13:10

He’s not in control of his emotions, that’s a turn off. He switches hot and cold very easily having only known you six weeks, that’s a turn off.

You need to accept that the lovely times are not real - he is just happy because things are going his way, so he’s allowing you to have a nice time too. Once he’s in a mood or unhappy, you’re not allowed to have a nice time either.

You do not really care about him. These on/off moods are the real him, you need to see that as objectively unattractive and a turn off. Sorry it’s not worked out OP, but he won’t change and you won’t find someone decent while still tangled up with him.

2025willbemytime · 15/04/2025 13:11

How can he do it? Because he has before and it's worked. You're supposed to cancel your plans and be available for him at all times. When you're not he's showing his true expectations he's now expecting you to cancel your plans. Will you?

DaisyChain505 · 15/04/2025 13:13

Thay isn’t mixed messages it’s huge red flags and plenty of them.

He’s being controlling, insecure, manipulative and emotionally abusive.

Please realise this isn’t normal behaviour and you deserve better than this.

Arlanymor · 15/04/2025 13:17

I'm not sure why you'd still be bothering with someone who lashes out at you when they are stressed if you've only known him for six weeks? We all have stress in our lives, but if we are adults then we do our best not to take that out on other people. He sounds awful, I think you are well shot of him. He's acting in a very dramatic and immature fashion. Him blowing hot and cold is manipulative and also very unattractive to you surely? So many red flags in such short space of time - get rid of him - because although you think he has got rid of you, I bet he'll be back with love bombing before too long. Don't fall for it.

canthavethatonethen · 15/04/2025 14:17

His default assumption was that you were seeing someone else?

Dump him immediately, he has major jealousy & trust issues.

Newname25 · 15/04/2025 14:38

What a prick. Get rid

supercali77 · 15/04/2025 14:42

You're going away- he gets jealous and insecure- punishes you with accusations and silent treatment...this isnt work stress. its been 6 weeks, this is who he is at his best, worse is yet to come. End it and block him or regret it

mrandmrsrobinson · 15/04/2025 14:47

Bin

ChangeisntalwaysfortheBetter · 15/04/2025 14:49

Walk away, he sounds coercively controlling. If this is at the start, imagine living with this man and potential kids. I would finish with him, then block.

skippy67 · 15/04/2025 15:05

Yeah, I'd throw this one back if I were you OP. 6 weeks in, and he's already pulling this kind of bullshit?
Block. Delete.

Girlmom35 · 15/04/2025 15:25

6 weeks in? Seriously, walk away.
If he's acting this way now, while still having to somewhat behave so you don't run away, ask yourself how he's going to act once you've mixed your lives together and you no longer have an easy way out.

Men show you who they are. Believe him.

DelphiniumBlue · 15/04/2025 15:34

The message that he is nasty and manipulative is very clear. If he feels secure doing this after only 6 weeks, what do you think he will be like after a year? It will only get worse. Get out now before you're committed.

DelphiniumBlue · 15/04/2025 15:36

In fact, you don't even need to do anything other than block him, he's already said he doesn't care about you and is ignoring you. Why do you keep messaging him? Don't play his stupid games. You're an adult, exert some control over your own life.

Sera1989 · 15/04/2025 15:43

Unfortunately I agree with others. He can't control his emotions and is insecure. If this is his absolute best self, imagine what he'll be like and how you'll feel when he's at his worst. You deserve someone who is nice all the time, not someone who lashes out when they have a busy week! There will be lots of busy and stressful weeks throughout your relationship/lives and I would put money on it that this man will be awful when you need him most

Catoo · 15/04/2025 15:50

Nothing confusing here.

It’s been 6 weeks. You don’t know who this man is fully yet. But he’s dropping some massive clues. And it’s looking good - if you like bad tempered, controlling, gaslighting, manipulative arseholes.

You’re already making excuses for his unhinged behaviour. We all have busy stressful working weeks most of the time.

Block him and move on.

Bittenonce · 15/04/2025 16:50

He’s ignoring you? Good
Please don’t make the mistake of trying to contact him. Escape while you can, block now so you don’t risk getting suckered back in when (and it is when, not if) he comes back sweet talking. Because now you know he’ll just turn again, and next time it’ll be worse.

FortyElephants · 15/04/2025 16:55

If a man lashes out at you during any part of the dating period you must dump him, not give him the chance to do it again!

SnemonyLicket · 15/04/2025 17:07

He’s using the silent treatment as a form of control. He’s a prick. Get rid of him.

Anyonefoundmysparesock · 15/04/2025 17:17

I rather you ask yourself why you are letting someone you have known for 6 WEEKS to shout at you and treat you this way?
Understanding his behavior, what for? in the hope he will treat you nicely if you find out what irks him so you can prevent it?

Ask yourself why you are allowing a stranger to treat you in this manner?
Dont base your worth on such men.

SchrodingersTwat2 · 15/04/2025 18:45

Dump him.