Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Am I being naive thinking he’s just not the type to cheat?!

34 replies

Shleepymummy · 14/04/2025 13:10

DH and I going through a bit of a stale patch.
2 young kids (preschool age), both working hard in our careers and then all the stuff that comes with home life. We get on and we divide and conquer with kids and jobs but we aren’t in the touchy feely lovey dovey stage currently and sex is happening every 8 weeks or so. Think DH has low sex drive as he doesn’t initiate much and seems ok with this.
I told my friend about this difficult period and she said ‘aren’t you worried he’ll cheat’? And the answer is no. It’s just not in his nature, not who he is, isn’t in environments to meet someone else and as I said sex drive seems so low I can’t believe he would go out looking for it- especially as I’ve never rejected him when he's tried it on. He was also brought up in a broken home and is very committed to our children and being with them as much as possible.
Am I completely naive to think ‘it won’t happen to me’? He’s a good guy but outside of work he’s pretty lazy 😂 I just don’t seem him having the drive to cheat!

OP posts:
Almostwelsh · 14/04/2025 13:11

There isn't a type.

theemmadilemma · 14/04/2025 13:15

Life has taught me you'd be shocked who would cheat.

There is no type.

TipsyJoker · 14/04/2025 13:17

You can never know 100% with anyone. No-matter who they are. That’s the truth. How many times have we seen women say, “I never thought he would ever cheat. He seemed like a dedicated husband and father.”

SpringIsSpringing25 · 14/04/2025 13:19

Talk to him.

Honestly, they're really isn't a type who will cheat and a type who won't, you'd be really surprised how wrong you can be.

I also presume you haven't read the thread where husband has a very low sex drive, turns out that's only with women!! He's just dropped the bombshell on her that he's gay, they have two very small children🙇🏻‍♀️🙇🏻‍♀️

I'm not saying your DH is gay, but her DH seems like one of the good guys as well, you just can't take anything.

Communication is the key, talk to him.

Baggiesfan · 14/04/2025 13:20

There's no "type"
I had suspicions about my ex wife for a while before her affair came out and a few people had told me not to worry because she's just not the type.
It happens in all walks of life sadly

Sulu17 · 14/04/2025 13:21

Another one saying there is no type to cheat - the most surprising people turn out to be cheats.

loropianalover · 14/04/2025 13:25

I understand where you’re coming from. It’s true what PP say, there really isn’t a type, but it’s just not something I ever worry about. Maybe I’m naive.

I did, however, have a friend at work who had two bad relationships back to back and would regularly tell me my partner must be cheating on me at work, at the pub, at the gym. She couldn’t stand that I was happy and it quickly became obvious that she didn’t like me at all because I was no longer single. Not saying that’s the case with your friend but I just think ‘ooo aren’t you worried he’s cheating’ is a bit of a weird response to give you when you’ve come to her about a difficult period.

Ythough · 14/04/2025 13:25

There is more to cheating than sex, flattery, attention, affection - all of those are very addictive.

Mychocolateoranges · 14/04/2025 13:26

Sorry OP but yes it’s naive. I’m not saying he will but it’s always a possibility. My EXH was not the type to cheat. We used to joke about how he could never. I didn’t think he wouldn’t cheat, I KNEW he wouldn’t. He still did it anyway. Shocked me more than anything and took my brain forever to actually accept what was happening. Everyone we knew was shocked, my friends always said he was last person you would expect it from.

You never know what someone will do when the set of circumstances arise

Catwoman8 · 14/04/2025 13:27

I had an ex who cheated on me and I never thought he was "the type" to cheat.
He was the classic mr nice guy, and all of my friends, his friends and family were completely shocked when this news came out.

I think the main thing here I communicating, are you happy with this , is he? There isn't a rule that says you must have sex so many times a week to have a successful relationship, every couple will have different needs.

If one of you is wanting more sex and intimacy than the other though, and it's not happening, then that's where this could be a problem. Just talk to him if you haven't already done so.

HollyBerryz · 14/04/2025 13:28

Yes. I had an ex I suspected of cheating, no one believed me as 'he wasn't the type'. They were wrong.

Eggsboxedandmelting · 14/04/2025 13:30

Ime cheating is escapism.. And most people need that at some point...
In the right circumstances everyone is capable....

Baggiesfan · 14/04/2025 13:34

While there isn't a type there are always reasons.
My ex wife absolutely wasn't considered by anyone to the the "type" who would have an affair but I had lost interest in life, had put a huge amount of weight on and we had both stopped working on the marriage.
Someone we had known for a while showed her some interest and let's face it we all love flattery and attention so I can understand why she did it.

mindutopia · 14/04/2025 13:35

I would sure as hell hope Dh would say that I’m not the type to cheat, if asked. I’m not. 😂 I really don’t like people and don’t have the energy, but I also have integrity and have never even pondered cheating on anyone in my life. I don’t see why having a penis means you can’t be similar. I do think there are people who are quite inclined to infidelity and those who definitely are not. It’s not an accident. People don’t just fall into cheating. It’s a conscious choice.

Snorlaxo · 14/04/2025 13:39

I’ve read stories on here where men have left wives for someone they met gaming online so not meeting women isn’t an issue.

There is no such thing as a type who won’t cheat. Cheaters are not all the same. Some are the classic serial cheaters who are always looking for the next target but others think that they have their feelings and actions under control then cross the line. Cheaters aren’t always looking for sex- the longing for a connection with another human can be a strong pull that makes another person attractive than their stale situation at home.

Seachanger · 14/04/2025 14:09

Yes I'm afraid you are being naive.

So many threads on here where OPs have said oh he didn't have the time. Oh he isn't the type. And unfortunately they find out they were wrong.
And cheating isn't necessarily physical. As many have testified emotional affairs are almost more painful than physical betrayal. And men often seem particularly blind to how easy it is to fall into the trap of emotional betrayal.
The important thing is not to take your relationship and fidelity for granted. It's really important to communicate and work on your relationship.

justworking · 14/04/2025 14:21

Yeah… sorry but you are

Menopants · 14/04/2025 14:23

I thought this about my ex, guess what ….

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 14/04/2025 14:27

It also partly depends on what you term 'cheating'. Full sex with another woman? Maybe he might not be the type. But what about the emotional affair? My XH was terminally shy, couldn't speak to people outside the family, very insecure and emotional - not the kind of man who would ever have gone looking for sex. However, he 'fell in love' with another woman on his course at university, because she was confident, good at the subject and everything he wanted to be and wasn't. His admiration of her caused him to fall into what I believe was limerance, and blow up our marriage so he could moon over her full time. He phrased it as 'wanting to see if he could form a relationship with her'. He couldn't, she didn't want to know, but of course, by then our marriage was over.

PleaseDontFingerMyPouffe · 14/04/2025 14:28

I had one of them.

He cheated.

Ihaveoflate · 14/04/2025 14:29

My husband wasn't the type, until he was.

I honestly would not have believed he was capable. I also thought he wouldn't have the time or opportunity (demanding job, preschool child etc.), but cheaters can be very creative.

I'm not saying your DH would cheat, but I would advise open communication and honesty - do not avoid tackling difficult conversations.

Dweetfidilove · 14/04/2025 14:35

You are naive, yes. It's a comforting but naive way of thinking. Many men from broken home also have affairs. Even the ones vehemently against cheating/breaking up a family.

Also, never refusing is not the same as initiating / enthusiastically participating. Something cheaters draw on when caught.

Just have conversations to ensure you're both on the same page and enjoying the relationship as is.

Meadowfinch · 14/04/2025 14:39

Anyone will cheat, given the right circumstances. There isn't a type.

It might be the exhaustion of having two under 4. Just keep initiating and talking, see where you go.

CiscoTS · 14/04/2025 14:58

Almostwelsh · 14/04/2025 13:11

There isn't a type.

This. There really isn’t.

CiscoTS · 14/04/2025 15:00

mindutopia · 14/04/2025 13:35

I would sure as hell hope Dh would say that I’m not the type to cheat, if asked. I’m not. 😂 I really don’t like people and don’t have the energy, but I also have integrity and have never even pondered cheating on anyone in my life. I don’t see why having a penis means you can’t be similar. I do think there are people who are quite inclined to infidelity and those who definitely are not. It’s not an accident. People don’t just fall into cheating. It’s a conscious choice.

This is also very naive.