Me and DH are a blended family. He was in a previous marriage for 12 years and has 2 DC with his ex wife.
I have a more ’busy’ past and dated a fair few people over the years, some relatively well known in the public eye. I also have one kid from a 5 year relationship. It’s been a bone of contention that he things I’ve slept with more than him. I probably have but I play it down.
In past DH used to get really upset and wound up by how many people he perceived I had slept with compared to him and even called me a pretty derogatory slur. We moved on from that and since married and so on… but he has always had a bee in his bonnet about my past.
It just came up again as an ex who was in a band’s song played on the radio and without thinking I commented on it as it’s rare to hear them on the radio. I can see that was thoughtless and stupid as it’s spiralled into just him kicking off about me dating all these people and having some crazy sex life in the past, and how he’s stuck with me now and says I never want to have sex and clearly don’t fancy him. He seems disgusted that I’ve slept with people in the past and has this vision in his head that I was on some 24/7 orgy in my past. He’s pretty shaming of my past and has now subsequently told me to never bring up any exes again.
Im 47 and perimenopausal so my libido isn’t what it is, but I still muster up the energy to give it a good go a couple of times a week, even when I’m not in the mood as I appreciate intimacy is important to him. I work a relentless full time job and we nacho parent so I do all the parenting of my kid who lives with us the whole time. His kids come for half the week.
We are often tired, with a houseful of kids and he is mad as he sees me as some wild sex kitten in the past and thinks he’s got the short straw. I can see this is coming from a deep place of insecurity, but nothing I say seems to get through that he’s the one I settled down with and got married to, and he was the one that made me want to do that.
Its really beginning to erode how I feel about him as honestly if he wanted some 25 year old with all the energy in the world to bone all night I’m not sure why he married me… but I’m 47 with the energy levels to match my age.
We have been fighting more than usual in general as he just seems really dissatisfied with his lot, and subsequently takes it out on me. I can’t bear the thought of breaking up and putting our kids through that again, but I’m not sure I want to settle with waking on eggshells. And maybe he’s got a point that I don’t want to have mad crazy sex with him all the time, maybe I don’t love him enough. But that doesn’t feel like a normal relationship to me. I just never feel enough and that I’m always doing something wrong.