My partner puts our problems above our son.

[klaudiaa]

My 5 year old asked his dad 3 days ago if he could clean up after he has gone to bed so he could wake up to a clean space his dad said yes but didn’t keep to his word, when I asked him why hasn’t he done it he said to me why should he make things easier for me ( we’re on bad terms right now) and I said I wasn’t the one to ask you to clean up it was YOUR SON. He still hasn’t cleaned up and of course I had to do it instead. Thoughts on this please?

Your partner is a shit. That's pretty much it really.

It seems you are already considering whether you want to remain in this relationship. This is just one more thing that can help you with that decision.

None of the dynamics of this set up make sense to me.

Could you please elaborate?

Weird

I do not want to remain in this relationship the problem is that he has nowhere to go and wouldn’t want to make him homeless.

Weird isn’t it? His son was definitely disappointed when he came downstairs to find the living room exactly how it was left the night before but my partner doesn’t care about that as long as it makes things harder for me.

He’s a grown man ffs. Chuck him out.

Poor kid, it must be bad for a 5 year old to ask for it to be cleaned. Can you not clean up? Even if it’s not your mess I couldn’t leave it for 3 days knowing your 5 year old was wanting to wake up to a clean space.

Edited. Sorry just seen you have cleaned up. You should chuck him out.

Most men are like this

Why are you putting up with this shite? Why are you exposing your son to this shite? Kick him out today. Change the locks and if he won’t leave, call the police and have them remove him. What is your son learning from this cretin? Model that acting like that is not acceptable and get rid of this waste of space.

Why is your house so untidy that your child is asking for it to be cleaned/tidied.
Agree you need to reconsider your relationship (it seems you are there already) but also your child (and you) deserve a space that is tidy and clean enough. It doesn’t have to be perfect - I’m so far from perfect. But I don’t think it should be getting to the stage where a child has to ask for improvement.
Its also prob appropriate to begin getting your child involved in maintenance of the standards regarding putting away their own toys etc in the least if that had t already started.

Sorry if I have the wrong end of the stick

Well, I've never met a 5 year old who asked for a clean up. How bad is it?
What even is a clean up? A tidy?
And that was days ago .

Three days to address domestic mess that's bad enough to annoy a 5 year old

What's going on?

I guess I meant my ex husband is like this and most men in my culture.

I clean up every single day I don’t ever leave mess lying around but he asked his dad to do it so that’s why I left it and the next morning of course I cleaned up

Are you suggesting that the situation should never have happened in the first place because it is the OP's sole responsibility for keeping their home tidy?

It’s never untidy, I always clean up every single night before going to bed, there was a couple of toys lying around and the carpet needed to be hoovered and the dishes washed. The only reason why I haven’t done it was because he asked his dad but of course I done it the following morning as I can’t stand mess even if it’s little.

I mean, the relationship sounds absolutely shit anyway, and it’s not your responsibility to house your partner or where he goes. If you AND your son are unhappy, that’s more than enough. However, I can’t imagine any 5 yo (especially not mine at that age) being that bothered about a messy livingroom so much that they’d actually ask a parent(any parent) to tidy up.

You don’t have to stay in relationship that’s not working because the other grown adult can’t take responsibility for putting a roof over his own head. You’re not his mother

This is all quite strange.

ive never heard of a5 yr old asking a parent to clean up I don’t think.

what kind of mess?

The living room wasn’t very messy there were a couple of toys lying around the floor needed to be hoovered and the dishes washed. I always tidy up before I go to bed so we have a clean space in the morning but this time he asked his dad to clean up and he couldn’t even do the bare minimum because he wanted to make things harder for me.

Normal for a 5 year old -

1. tidy up their own toys
2. not to notice if dishes need doing

thid situation is strange.

There were couple of toys lying around on the floor and it needed to be hoovered which is not much in my eyes because I always tidy up without a fail and I even pick up after my partner whether it’s dishes or clothes or whatever but I can’t do everything on my own and the fact that his son asked him to do it this time maybe because he only sees me cleaning and never his dad

No, sorry for not being clear.
A clean (enough) house is the responsibility of the parents (plural).

There Is clearly a DH problem- he sounds petty and not a supportive partner and I imagine if it wasn’t over this it would have been over something else.
And also:
From the way the OP was written it appeared that the home was in such a state that the 5 year old had to ask for it to be cleaned such that he could wake up the a “clean space”. In my view this is not something that should happen - parents should ensure that the home is clean and tidy enough. I don’t mean show home clean (of course some people prefer this) but of an acceptable standard.
for a five year old to ask for it to be cleaned suggested to me something was amiss in general in this.

I now see OPs update suggested that there was context missing that child wanted daddy to clean instead of mummy perhaps (not clear… another assumption) and that house is regularly cleaned and that mummy did clear up also on this occasion.

I don't think I would take much notice of a 5 year old telling me to clear up.

My living room is connected with my kitchen so my son has constant access to the sink where he can see all the dishes piled up. I do all the dishes at the end of the day so I have a clean sink and clean dishes for the next morning.