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Relationships

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My boyfriend's mom is manipulating and guilt tripping him into trying to break up with me and keep him from moving in with me.

56 replies

MyAlertCyanDeer · 12/04/2025 07:52

So I've been dating my boyfriend for a few months now and suddenly for some reason unknown to me my boyfriend's mom has decided that I am distracting him from the things he needs to do which are actually things I've been helping do better at and making sure he does what needs to be done.
He has stated that he doesn't want to break up but he feels that his mom supports him financially so much that he couldn't afford to leave but also feels like that is his mom and that he would doing the wrong thing by choosing to come live with me instead of staying with her.
The way he words things when talking about the situation sounds very much like mom is manipulating him with his currently financial status and threatening to take away her support if he isn't single. Also sounds like a lot of guilt trip with him saying but she's always been there for me and supported me. Now I am in no way trying to tell him to cut his mom out of his life but he also thinks if he was to choose to move out of there and move in with me that his mother would never talk to him again, once again in my eyes a manipulation. I don't understand where this came from because from my understanding me and his mom got along and saw eye to eye on a lot of things when it comes to my boyfriend so for her to all of a sudden feel like I'm such a threat that needs to be removed. The only thing I can think of is that she didn't like the idea of him moving out and being able to have a family outside of her.
That's actually partly why I'm making this post so both him and I can see what people think about the situation. This whole situation really bothers and hurts me because I don't believe I have done anything to bring this on from her other than her not wanting him to leave.
I don't know what to do moving forward in this situation. We still talk to each other everyday we just don't see each other as much as we were but for me that's extremely hard. I don't see this as normal mom behavior... At 26 years old I don't think he should be receiving ultimatums from his mom about his relationships just because he was thinking of moving in with me.
How can I approach either him or his mom in order to fix this situation? Or do I just give it some time and see how things unfold and hope that he sees the situation like I do? I really care about him a lot and our connection is amazing. I don't want to make him feel like he has to choose between his mom and me.
Thanks for any and all advice on this.

OP posts:
Lorlorlorikeet · 13/04/2025 22:20

Sounds like you and mummy do waaaaaaaay too much for this 26-year-old man baby.

How can you possibly find someone attractive when mummy still pays for him and you have to hold his hand so he can ‘do better’ at life?! 😬

Idontjetwashthefucker · 13/04/2025 22:32

It's been a few months, I'd be chucking this one back and finding a grown up

Swiftie1878 · 14/04/2025 07:03

He wants out and his mum has told him ‘don’t worry - use me as an excuse. I don’t mind being the bad guy to get you out of a sticky situation’.
Sorry. If he wanted to be with you, he would.

Iammatrix · 14/04/2025 09:30

Swiftie1878 · 14/04/2025 07:03

He wants out and his mum has told him ‘don’t worry - use me as an excuse. I don’t mind being the bad guy to get you out of a sticky situation’.
Sorry. If he wanted to be with you, he would.

I actually know someone who is actually doing this. Her DS is not happy in his relationship, she wanting her DS to be happy and to end the relationship is playing the scapegoat. She told me she told her DS to tell his DP that his DM thinks she is not right for him. She told me that too!

My friend and her Ex, Hus, DSs, DF are on friendly terms. DF is unwell and between them all they have decided to move DS into DFs to get him away from his DP, who my friend says is controlling and manipulating her DS.

Families, aye! They do have some money and their own businesses and they are actually supporting their DS, who is a young adult, while he sets up his own business.

There you might have a reason why OPs, DPs, DM might be supporting him!

Phoenixfire1988 · 14/04/2025 09:42

Cut your loses now before you invest anymore time in this relationship his mother will ALWAYS be a problem .
Why is she financially supporting a almost 30 year old for a start? He sounds very immature and after only dating a few months its too soon to live together anyway walk away and find someone on your level

Iammatrix · 14/04/2025 10:28

OP, responses might not be the most positive in your favour.

Family dynamics are complex and often messy. Some people’s families have little involvement in their lives, others families have huge involvement. Neither is wrong as long as it is overall positive.

But let’s look at it from your perspective. Really consider whether you want to move in with the guy after such a short period of time. Yeah, take the plunge, some relationships can be successful under these conditions and you clearly feel that living together after being together for a few months would work, but why not consider being together but not living together. This might be his DMs issue with you. If he wanted to move in
with you he would.

Look at all of the threads of women unhappy in their relationships/marriages. That is not to say that all relationships/marriages are like these. Clearly the nature of MN encourages women in unhappy relationships/marriages to seek advice and support here, as you have done.

I would say that women who are in happy relationships/ marriages are not posting here everyday saying how happy their relationship/marriages are. Take your time, find someone who is on the same page as you and hopefully in time you will be posting asking for advice on wedding dresses or baby names.

It has not got off to a good start, do you really think things will change drastically?

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