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Original poster

New bf and moods

45 replies

datingagain24 · 11/04/2025 23:26

I say bf but im not sure what we are, perhaps a 'situationship' (i hate that term 😅)

Anyway, we met through a hobby and we have a few mutual friends, one of which is his best friend.

We haven't told anyone we're dating/whatever we are. Just because it's something we both agreed to keep it to ourselves in the beginning... though I do feel the ball is in his court so to speak with going 'public'.

Things have been really good, but a couple of times (one being today) he seems to get a bit moody in which he goes quiet and it's just clear something is wrong.

The first time was when I made a comment to his friend (totally innocent) and he got hurt/jealous but we did talk it out and it was fine.

The second time today is when I was doing our hobby and his friend joined me (not planned, he just happened to be there at the same time). I spoke to 'bf' before this and he was fine but speaking to him afterwards his mood had drastically changed.
I mentioned that he was quiet and he said he was fine, I didn't want to push it so left it but he got off the phone really quickly and he hasn't messaged goodnight (which he does every night without fail).

It's left me feeling a mixture of emotions- I care about his feelings, but equally I feel like I've done something wrong and I feel anxious.
I like this guy a lot more than I've liked anyone at this stage before and I think perhaps it's clouding my judgment.

Should I just see what his mood is like tomorrow?
Should I text him goodnight? Should I just leave him be until he reaches out?
Ugh. This is why I've avoided any sort of relationship in a long time.

OP posts:
Oneflightdown · 11/04/2025 23:31

Jealous, moody and sulky. I'd throw this one back.

cakeandteaandcake · 11/04/2025 23:32

Oneflightdown · 11/04/2025 23:31

Jealous, moody and sulky. I'd throw this one back.

First post has nailed it.

TwistedWonder · 11/04/2025 23:33

Oneflightdown · 11/04/2025 23:31

Jealous, moody and sulky. I'd throw this one back.

Absolutely this.

Hes showing you who he is OP - believe him
and walk away unless you want a life treading on eggshells

SaraSunny · 11/04/2025 23:34

Text him goodnight.

Check in on him tomorrow then just say he didn't seem himself yesterday and see what he says from there on.

Don't give him the cold shoulder if you really like him.

If it becomes a pattern then, think again.

It could be caused by something nothing to do with you that he's not ready to divulge?

Mom2K · 11/04/2025 23:34

Honestly, just dump him. I made the mistake of overlooking moodiness in my ex husband in our early stages of dating. I wish I had dumped him rather than letting my infatuated feelings rule.

This is a new relationship (or whatever it is)...when people are supposed to be on their best behaviour. If he can't even manage to fake it this early on, that's a pretty huge red flag. What you're seeing is what you get (and probably even worse in the long run, as I ended up experiencing).

You'll eventually if you don't get rid.

Justsaywhatyoumean123 · 11/04/2025 23:34

Sounds like he has a job with emotional regulation. Acceptable in a 4-5 year old. I don't think this is going to get any better with time

TheSlantedOwl · 11/04/2025 23:34

Plus he’s withholding clarification about your relationship and wants to keep it secret.

So he’s angry at you, and punishing you, because what - another guy joined you? He’s an arsehole OP. Your liking of him is probably supercharged by the bubbling undercurrent of unease and insecurity.

Don’t text him, and when he gets in contact say you don’t appreciate being ambushed by random shitty moods.

singlewhitetrashheap · 11/04/2025 23:36

Dump him. Sooner rather than later. Men like this are pathetic.

Semiramide · 11/04/2025 23:43

You barely know him and you are not even official - and yet he has you all anxious and worried, wondering whether you've done something wrong and what should you do to placate him....... to the extent you are asking strangers on the internet.

How can this ever be worth it? You know this is not good, so what is stopping you from doing the obvious, i.e. bin him off...

NB: read Women Who Love Too Much - it has helped many women in your shoes.

ruddygreattiger · 11/04/2025 23:53

'Ugh. This is why I've avoided any sort of relationship in a long time.'

Yep, so dump the moody twat and stay single. No-one needs this head-fuckery.

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 11/04/2025 23:54

Oneflightdown · 11/04/2025 23:31

Jealous, moody and sulky. I'd throw this one back.

Yep

AcquadiP · 12/04/2025 00:14

He's stonewalling you because he wants to punish you/because he's not mature enough to express himself like a grown up. Either way, I'd drop him like a hot potato.

Original poster
datingagain24 · 12/04/2025 00:32

I am reading and taking in all of your replies (which are mostly very similar!)

Just to add- I do know him quite well in a friend capacity (a few years) it's only in the last few months it's developed into more than friends.

I did text him, and he replied and reassured me it's nothing to do with me, but wouldn't tell me what it was so I haven't asked, figured he would tell me if he wanted to.

OP posts:
TwistedWonder · 12/04/2025 00:50

So this early in the relationship he’s already training you how to behave by stonewalling you and you’re already playing into his hands by chasing him when he gives you the silent treatment. And add that to the fact he wants to keep you a secret.

Read your posts back OP, you’re already starting to tread on eggshells and stress about why he’s acting like this - the red flags are pretty viable if you take if your rose tinted specs.

ShouldIEvenBother · 12/04/2025 01:10

Get rid.

You're being manipulated by him OP. So many red flags here - he's absolutely training you 'how to behave' - all these egg shells you're walking on? And you don't even know if you're in a relationship... He's in charge isn't he. Of all of it.

Find yourself, take off the rose glasses and put him in the bin.

MarkingBad · 12/04/2025 01:17

TwistedWonder · 12/04/2025 00:50

So this early in the relationship he’s already training you how to behave by stonewalling you and you’re already playing into his hands by chasing him when he gives you the silent treatment. And add that to the fact he wants to keep you a secret.

Read your posts back OP, you’re already starting to tread on eggshells and stress about why he’s acting like this - the red flags are pretty viable if you take if your rose tinted specs.

This

You are definitely being trained OP. He's moody with you and then says it's not you but doesn't even give a hint at what it is? That's him telling you to shut up and not question him when he hasn't thought of a suitable lie to blame you in some roundabout way.

Jealousy is a terrible thing to live with, you end up a prisoner in your own mind because you learn your place so well, you end up building your own cage. For him your cage will never be strong enough, it never gets better only worse.

Mickeychampionwhatgoodami · 12/04/2025 01:52

It's not your job to work out what's wrong with sulky chops.
Personally cba with the mind game's and his dramas.

socialdilemmawhattodo · 12/04/2025 01:58

Oneflightdown · 11/04/2025 23:31

Jealous, moody and sulky. I'd throw this one back.

1st poster nails this. My now EX - Notsodear H was like this. Nightmare. Just move on. The sulkiness or any other term never improves.

pikkumyy77 · 12/04/2025 04:33

Don’t be in love with someone who is not an admirable person. Basically this man is sometimes pleasant and sometimes a sulky jerk. Do you admire him? Respect him? Think he is a good person? These characteristics matter more longterm. Nice/not nice are techniques to attract and control you.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 12/04/2025 05:29

Your boundaries here, perhaps not all that good to start with, are being further eroded by this man now. He needs dumping and you have not recognised the red flags. Do read Women who love too much by Dr Robin Norwood.

TheRoundTable1983 · 12/04/2025 05:32

Ick 🤢 Sounds like a big baby. Get rid.

FeatherDawn · 12/04/2025 05:46

This is the start of abusive behaviour.
What happens is you become hooked into a cycle of warm/cold/ warm /cold and your brain is hooked by the dopamine/ cortisol/ dopamine / cortisol
The dopamine floods in with a feeling of relief and its a high
It's not love its trauma bonding

Bin

Zanatdy · 12/04/2025 05:52

reminds me of my ex. His specialism was ignoring me, the silent treatment. He could never hide his annoyance as it’s written all over his face. Get out now, as this is clearly the way he deals with things he doesn’t like.

Lurkingandlearning · 12/04/2025 05:58

datingagain24 · 12/04/2025 00:32

I am reading and taking in all of your replies (which are mostly very similar!)

Just to add- I do know him quite well in a friend capacity (a few years) it's only in the last few months it's developed into more than friends.

I did text him, and he replied and reassured me it's nothing to do with me, but wouldn't tell me what it was so I haven't asked, figured he would tell me if he wanted to.

Going forward, are you going to enjoy him taking things that are nothing to do with you out on you, and not even explaining what those things are?

The whole situation doesn’t seem to be how you would like it to be and he seems unable or unwilling to consider your feelings. A new relationship should be light and fun, enjoyable. Don’t settle for less than that just because you have known him as a friend for a while.

babyandtoddlergrwp · 12/04/2025 06:37

Please please walk away now. It won’t get any better. You won’t save him or solve his issues. Having children won’t help. You’ll end up trapped and walking on eggshells. Get rid of him now.