New bf and moods

[datingagain24]

I say bf but im not sure what we are, perhaps a 'situationship' (i hate that term 😅)

Anyway, we met through a hobby and we have a few mutual friends, one of which is his best friend.

We haven't told anyone we're dating/whatever we are. Just because it's something we both agreed to keep it to ourselves in the beginning... though I do feel the ball is in his court so to speak with going 'public'.

Things have been really good, but a couple of times (one being today) he seems to get a bit moody in which he goes quiet and it's just clear something is wrong.

The first time was when I made a comment to his friend (totally innocent) and he got hurt/jealous but we did talk it out and it was fine.

The second time today is when I was doing our hobby and his friend joined me (not planned, he just happened to be there at the same time). I spoke to 'bf' before this and he was fine but speaking to him afterwards his mood had drastically changed.
I mentioned that he was quiet and he said he was fine, I didn't want to push it so left it but he got off the phone really quickly and he hasn't messaged goodnight (which he does every night without fail).

It's left me feeling a mixture of emotions- I care about his feelings, but equally I feel like I've done something wrong and I feel anxious.
I like this guy a lot more than I've liked anyone at this stage before and I think perhaps it's clouding my judgment.

Should I just see what his mood is like tomorrow?
Should I text him goodnight? Should I just leave him be until he reaches out?
Ugh. This is why I've avoided any sort of relationship in a long time.

A new relationship and he’s already got you overthinking, second-guessing yourself and walking on eggshells. Then drops mysterious hints but won’t actually communicate properly. No, this is classic mind games and control.

A couple where one is a conflict avoider and the other is passive aggressive or just has no emotional control can be a recipe for disaster.

You can also use this as an opportunity to recognise you both need to work on your communication skills.

Dh and I are in a good place now but our communication used to be a weak link. A relationship where you avoid bringing something up is not healthy.

Agree that he is being ridiculous. We can all have things that are bothering us but it doesn’t give us carte blanche to huff and puff about it. It’s attention seeking and he’s certainly got yours. OP you sound lovely but you’re already falling over yourself to understand and appease. Please reconsider your involvement with this man. You deserve so much more.

This would be a deal breaker for me OP. I can't bear sulking.

You have a life of placating this manbaby in front of you if you accept this behaviour.

REMINDER - relationships should enhance your life and be fun, not full of anxiety and walking on eggshells.

I appreciate the replies, I think you are all right.

I am usually very direct, the first time that I mentioned I had to be the instigator in talking and finding out what his issue was because he wasn't giving it up easily, he was just being passive aggressive and I guess my boundaries were better then as I told him it wasn't acceptable.

We did end up texting a bit last night, the 'tone' of his texts were ok, but on sleeping on it I feel like I may still have been the issue he just didn't want to say that because he realises how it comes across.

I'm definitely going to take a step back and see how this plays out over the next few days. I enjoy his company and we have some things booked that I'd rather not have to cancel but I won't be someone's emotional punchbag.

If you've got things booked arrange to take someone else.

In the meantime put on your big girl pants and dump this pathetic loser. Believe me life is far too short to waste on this - you deserve so much better but at the moment are choosing to be treated like this.
I would be heart broken if someone treated my daughter like this.

Two things that stand out - why are you allowing the ball to be in his court with regards to your relationship status - how does this make you feel ?
Presumably you’re not teenagers, so if it wasn’t the (most probably almost definitely was) fact he was getting jealous of your interaction with his friend - what was it and why couldn’t he communicate like an adult and actually tell you what was bothering him rather than giving you the silent treatment ?
Please take the overwhelming advice and throw this one back!

I’m sure this guy has pleasant moments, but he sounds emotionally incompetent. I can say as someone who spent years with a moody person, it is really unhealthy. This is the early days and it’s already impacting you; if you become desensitised to it and start trying to fix the problems every time that will be your pattern and that will be what you get for years to come. I think you need to have a serious think about what you really want from a relationship. They are a lifestyle choice not just about attraction. What do you want your relationship to look like with somebody? What do you want communication to look like? Does it look like this? I think ask yourself a lot of questions and answer and then behaviour accordingly.

Even if you can fix one incident of moodiness you will not be able to do it in the long-term. I am telling you now! All the best.

So he says to you oh this mood that I am in, this one that makes you feel awful and wonder what you've done wrong, it's nothing to do with you and I'm not going to tell you what it is to do with. I'm just going to let you continue suffering and wondering and hoping. Let this man go!

Get rid

You're already walking on eggshells and anxious trying to figure out how to manage his moods a mere few months into a secret seeing each other. I think keeping it on the down low is weird to begin with.

I'd be gone. This is when he should be showing his best side, not being moody and you trying to pry it out of him what he's all moody about and him not communicating. He sounds like hard work and a bit of a drama llama and possibly jealous and possessive.

Run for the hills!

It always seems to happen when you talk to another man, ie: his friend. Possessive jealousy issues there. Makes me wonder if he and his friend have had some history between them regarding another woman at some point, and the friend 'got the girl'. Still, not your problem, and not to be tolerated.

Life is too short to deal with childish, pouty, sulky people.

Often, they behave like this because they've learnt that it works. It makes people around them fawn all over them, as they desperately try to work out what they've done wrong.

It's cruel, because sulkers don't really want a resolution. They just want to see you distressed and punished. It's a quiet expression of anger, so keep that mind mind.

stepping back isnt enough op. Walk
away

As a general rule never be with a man who won't acknowledge you are with him.

He's using his manipulate behaviour to condition you to not talk to other men.

My ex used to be horrible with me at times and I wondered what I'd done wrong. He personalised it when it was issues with work, and one time his brother, that were causing his moods and he told me that "you always take it out on the one closest to you." Like hell you do that's why he's an ex.

Guarantee when this mood is swept under the carpet another will arise .... and another. Don't waste your time, it won't just suddenly stop.