I live in a HA bungalow, 2.5 beds which is adapted for my DC whose disabled. I am a single parent, split with DCs dad due to violence and control, which he continues even now we’re split.
Last year my parents persuaded me emotionally blackmailed me into letting my AuADHD DSib move in when they split with their spouse.
It’s been horrible and everytime I raise it with my parents I get emotional blackmail about how I’ve always landed on my feet and it’s only fair I share my luck. I sleep on the sofa because the small room isn’t big enough for a bed and DSib couldn’t possibly sleep on the sofa with their issues.
Examples of DBs behaviour (it’s longer than this though)
- Told me they are a better parent to DC than I am because he actually deals with their meltdowns – DC gets told no, and I do not allow hitting, kicking or bitting during meltdowns but if DC wants to be sad/overstimulated/angry that’s allowed, they can have a shout and then go sit in their room to calm down, I find if I do anything else they get worse and are more likely to become violent but DB picks DC up and puts them in their room and tells them they can’t have anything to eat or drink until they calm down, this usually makes them worse and I get shouted at for “Not dealing with DC”
- DC (aged 10 almost 11) gets shouted at by DSib most mornings for waking them up to early (7.30am on a school morning, 8.30am on weekends, apparently any noise before 11am is too much)
- DSib wakes DC up in the night shouting into their gaming headset when I asked DSib to keep it down I get told to grow up and deal with my child to stop them disturbing DSib
- DSib said they’re a better pet owner than me because they occasionally let my Dog into the garden while I’m working – I still walk the dog x3 a day, feed them twice a day, pick up their poop from the garden. I also care for DSibs cats; feed them, sort their litter tray, keep Dog away from them as the cats don’t like her. And I also care for my neighbours pets when they go away several times a year. But apparently DSib is better than me at pet ownership
- I ask DSib for a small contribution to the rent/bills to be told that I am disgusting and money grabbing and if need money I need to get off my a**e and get a job – it was less than £100 a month DSib gets over £1k a month from UC and PIP. I work admittedly I freelance so only work on average 6 days per month but I al get DLA for DC, and some UC moneys not an issue for me, I never borrow it from anyone I just thought DSib should contribute
- DSib told my ExH how awful a parent I am to DC so now I get EA via text message from him
- DSib tried to make DC feel bad because they have an adapted bathroom off their room according to DSib the ensuite is for adults and they deserve it more than DC because they have to share a bathroom with me
- I have a basket in the main bathroom next to my toilet with period products, toilet paper and other bathroom products in for anyone to help themselves to if needed – Dsib moved all my period products out of the bathroom and told me to keep “those things hidden in a bag or something that’s not gross”
- Threatened to get my elderly neighbours evicted when they had a BBQ with their DC and GC – apparently it stinks and they were too noisy – it was 6pm on a Saturday night last summer, they were inside by 9pm and they invited my DC to go over and play with their GC (and offered them some food off the BBQ to)
- Same neighbours dog got into my garden, did it’s business and then ran back into it’s own home. Neighbours offered to clear it up but I did it, these things happen, it could have been my dog who got into their garden – Dsib says the dog is awfully behaved and they should lose it when they get evicted – it’s a small breed dog; shitzh zhu (sp?) and gets on well with both my DC and my dog, I’ve never heard their dog so much as bark when someone knocks their door, they wouldn’t let a vicious/badly behaved dog around their own GC
I could go on, but I’ve been threatened, told I’m disgusting and everything else when I told DSib to move out at the beginning of the year. Apparently I have it so easy and need to wake up to the realities of life. DSib can’t possibly live in a HMO according to my parents which is what they were offered before they moved in with me.
So in March I contacted my housing association for advice. They’re offered me a bungalow closer to DCs school, similar layout to ours and includes the adapted bathroom DC has now but it’s only 2 beds. The family currently in that bungalow have a child at a school closer to my current place, so we’re basically swapping.
I’m all packed, just waiting for the HAs van to arrive to take my stuff (I’ve paid extra for this). I’ve bought myself a new bed so DSib can have the one they currently sleep in. DC goes to their dad tonight for 2 nights so I have time to get it all ready for DC to come back on Sunday.
DSib is being evicted today, they’ll offer a HMO again (under 35 so can’t offer a 1 bed flat apparently), my name will be mud in my family, but I’m past caring although slightly worried.
It’ll be ok won’t it?