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Original poster

Too soon to move in together

37 replies

Seeingsomone · 10/04/2025 18:01

Hi

i need some help navigating this. My girlfriend of 4 months wants to move in with me. We’re very happy but I think it’s too soon.

she’s had a lot of family stress for the last two months and I just don’t know if she’s stressy all the time or just because of family.

I’ve said that I think we need to relax and enjoy the way things are progressing but she’s taken it really hard. I thought I was being sensible.

any advice?

OP posts:
CharSiu · 10/04/2025 18:07

It’s too soon for sure, it’s fine to spend a lot of time with each other I have had friends who would spend 5 or 6 days out of 7 at each others homes but it’s very different as then you are mixing money. How old are you?

NimbleTiger · 10/04/2025 18:08

Seems very quick to me .... could be an escape bid to get away from stressy time but not an ideal solution. If she has taken it hard that's a bit of a red flag for me. You hardly know each other why the rush ? Stick to your guns moving in is a mutual decision for the right reasons ...not an escape from stress.

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 10/04/2025 18:13

Way too soon especially if you say half the time she’s been stressy what does that mean?

Maybe that’s really how she is … to be honest at 4 months you barely know each other

Moveoverdarlin · 10/04/2025 18:14

Way way too soon.

cakeandteaandcake · 10/04/2025 18:16

Far too soon. The fact she’s taken it badly just shows it’s a bad idea, frankly.

Eggsboxedandmelting · 10/04/2025 18:17

Does she want you or a new address
.?. Question you need to ponder over imo.

BeerAndMusic · 10/04/2025 18:41

It doesnt have to be too soon. We all move at different paces. Assume you are young? When I was in my 20s I moved in with my GF after 8 months - and by the time you work out looking for somewhere, notice etc the decision was made probably around 5 months. Ok, divorced but did last 20 years!

Walker1178 · 10/04/2025 20:39

Living together is a big step it’s not just spending more time in each other’s company but committing to the financial ties too. DP and I have been happily cohabiting for years now but I don’t think we would have navigated the awkward talks about money after just 4 months.

I’d completely agree with you wanting to let things progress at a pace you’re comfortable with. Do you spend much time staying at each others homes now?

TwistedWonder · 10/04/2025 20:48

It’s not too soon if you’re both sure but if you’re not absolutely sure yet then it’s too soon.

My now ex husband moved into my flat after 6 weeks and we bought a house after 8 months but we were both sure it was right. We’re sadly divorced now but we lasted 27 years.

The fact you’re not sure yet means it’s too soon for you and you shouldn’t live together just because it’s what she wants. You’ll know when the time feels right for you.

Lalaloul · 10/04/2025 20:53

We moved in three months into our relationship. Very happily married for years.

however we both wanted it and were on the same page. I also had a flat that I could move back to if it didn’t work out.

LittleHangleton · 10/04/2025 21:01

In October 1996 I met my husband. It was a Thursday night. I stayed at his until Friday afternoon. Went home (to my parents) until Saturday afternoon, when i went out with then-boyfriend again. I never went home, we effectively moved in together within the first week.

Coming up to 29 years later, we are still very happy.

not everyone would be this lucky. But we just knew, straight away.

ChristmasFluff · 11/04/2025 08:16

At four months you have no idea who she she really is, and vice versa. There will be lots of anecdotes of how it worked for some, but these are the exception.

"No-one falls in love faster than a man in need of a home". There's no reason to believe this woman is any different.

BellissimoGecko · 11/04/2025 08:21

4 months??? Way, way too soon. You barely know each other.

you are being sensible. If she reacts badly to you saying no, that’s a bit of a red flag. As is her being ‘stressy all the time’.

Take things really slowly and see how they go.

Original poster
Seeingsomone · 11/04/2025 08:46

Bit of a balance in replies.

She has come around to the taking it steadier but she is constantly stressed, tired or a bit low. It wasn’t like this at the beginning.

I’m very supportive but it seems a bit soon to be an agony aunt.

she is 38 and I am 41.

OP posts:
mepipesneedlagging · 11/04/2025 11:32

These threads always fill up with the successful tales though. Far more useful (and entertaining 😁) for all the bad experiences to be heard.

Imbusytodaysorry · 11/04/2025 11:41

Seeingsomone · 11/04/2025 08:46

Bit of a balance in replies.

She has come around to the taking it steadier but she is constantly stressed, tired or a bit low. It wasn’t like this at the beginning.

I’m very supportive but it seems a bit soon to be an agony aunt.

she is 38 and I am 41.

Edited

At the beginning ? It is the beginning it’s been a matter of weeks . Jeeze

Original poster
Seeingsomone · 11/04/2025 12:11

Imbusytodaysorry · 11/04/2025 11:41

At the beginning ? It is the beginning it’s been a matter of weeks . Jeeze

Show quote history

my fears too.

OP posts:
Imbusytodaysorry · 11/04/2025 12:16

Seeingsomone · 11/04/2025 12:11

my fears too.

Show quote history

Say no and mean it .
Tbh I think you need to consider the “relationship “
Is she stable it all sounds like drama and issues . ?

Original poster
Seeingsomone · 11/04/2025 12:21

It has been a lot of drama.

im pretty calm in life but she seems quite choppy to say the least. She wasn’t the first couple of weeks.

OP posts:
outerspacepotato · 11/04/2025 12:22

She's rushing things. It's way too soon. That's an incompatibility right there.

Until you said your ages I assumed late teens or early 20s.

You are still in the beginning and you're already seeing a personality difference. That is why you date, to get to know someone and see if you're compatible. If you're starting to feel like an "agony aunt" this soon, you're likely not compatible and not going to be really happy with this person.

TennesseeStella · 11/04/2025 12:25

Seeingsomone · 11/04/2025 08:46

Bit of a balance in replies.

She has come around to the taking it steadier but she is constantly stressed, tired or a bit low. It wasn’t like this at the beginning.

I’m very supportive but it seems a bit soon to be an agony aunt.

she is 38 and I am 41.

Edited

Are you both women? If so, you're actually waaayyyyyy behind schedule for moving in together. 😉

1457bloom · 11/04/2025 12:28

Sounds like female version of a cocklodger.

chakrakkhan · 11/04/2025 12:42

I moved in with my husband after 6 months and we’ve been together over 15 years now. It worked for us and it’s what we both wanted. It doesn’t sound like you feel the same.

user2848502016 · 11/04/2025 12:44

I moved in with now DH after 6 months which probably seems too soon but it didn’t feel like it was at the time.
If you feel like it’s too soon for you though that’s absolutely fine and she shouldn’t be making you feel bad about it

SeventeenClovesOfGarlic · 11/04/2025 12:49

Seeingsomone · 11/04/2025 12:21

It has been a lot of drama.

im pretty calm in life but she seems quite choppy to say the least. She wasn’t the first couple of weeks.

There's no need for any drama at all. You have dated for a matter of hours. What's the point of dating this particular woman?

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