Is anyone else just over it?

Cherryicecreamx · 2025-04-10T14:15:20+00:00

I'm just so over sex. Even touch. Like it does absolutely nothing for me. I'm starting to think there is something wrong with me - I feel I could never be touched or have sex again and that would be wonderful. I'm just not interested and honestly I don't know if I ever have been properly. I just did it with partners because that was the done thing. I could think of almost anything else I'd rather be doing. Perhaps I'm a bit scarred from the men I encounter with their one track mind that I don't even feel safe with a touch or a cuddle without it leading to more. I'm just a bit bored of it now. It would be nice to feel that they are in my company for other reasons other than a chance to get their leg over. Ugh I don't know. Please tell me I'm not alone in my feelings 😅

Maitri108 · 10/04/2025 15:46

I'm sorry you feel that way. Have you ever explored your sexuality? You might be attracted to women. Getting to know your body helps but of course you might be asexual.

Don't do anything you don't want to do.

Original poster

Cherryicecreamx · 10/04/2025 15:50

Maitri108 · 10/04/2025 15:46

I'm sorry you feel that way. Have you ever explored your sexuality? You might be attracted to women. Getting to know your body helps but of course you might be asexual.

Don't do anything you don't want to do.

Starting to think I am asexual after all. The thought of doing something with a woman doesn't turn me on either 😅
I think I've just had so many experiences that I'm just tired of it. I feel like men want to "use" me more than it feeling mutual.

OP posts:

TheFatCatsWhiskers1 · 10/04/2025 15:51

I feel similarly. I enjoy it at the beginning of a relationship but then I lose interest. A big part of that is that I also lost interest in them though, because they started to behave like twats. I also hate the thought of it being an expectation and having to go through the motions because you don’t want to upset the other person. I don’t mean it as in, rape, more just, oh god I can’t be bothered but alright then.

I have no idea how I’d feel in a healthy and loving long term relationship because I’ve never had one.

Original poster

Cherryicecreamx · 10/04/2025 16:00

TheFatCatsWhiskers1 · 10/04/2025 15:51

I feel similarly. I enjoy it at the beginning of a relationship but then I lose interest. A big part of that is that I also lost interest in them though, because they started to behave like twats. I also hate the thought of it being an expectation and having to go through the motions because you don’t want to upset the other person. I don’t mean it as in, rape, more just, oh god I can’t be bothered but alright then.

I have no idea how I’d feel in a healthy and loving long term relationship because I’ve never had one.

I'm with you. It's hard to be attracted to someone when they're acting like a dick but yet they still expect it.
This morning I woke up next to someone and was like ugh fine let's get it over with rather than actually wanting it. It's like they are there initiating things before I even get a chance to think. I'm so tired of it.

Had a few long term relationships but have gone through the motions. It definitely seems like something that is a requirement in a relationship and so I've now checked out of having one.

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Upsidedownsides · 10/04/2025 16:03

I felt that and then I got with a short man that has to try and it’s an eye opener. Too many hot but lazy men…

ZippyOliveEagle · 10/04/2025 16:05

I think it’s fairly normal everyone probably feels this way at some point in their lives. However if it’s how you feel most of the time you could be asexual? I haven’t had sex for about 2 years now and I will admit I miss it and wish I had a partner to be intimate with. But everyone is different

Original poster

Cherryicecreamx · 10/04/2025 16:15

Upsidedownsides · 10/04/2025 16:03

I felt that and then I got with a short man that has to try and it’s an eye opener. Too many hot but lazy men…

It's funny cos they think they are God's gift to men. And I know you shouldn't fake it but I do to get it done with sometimes 🙄 or they think it's great if they can last and I'm like no that's the opposite in my book haha

OP posts:

Upsidedownsides · 10/04/2025 16:19

Cherryicecreamx · 10/04/2025 16:15

It's funny cos they think they are God's gift to men. And I know you shouldn't fake it but I do to get it done with sometimes 🙄 or they think it's great if they can last and I'm like no that's the opposite in my book haha

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Please don’t try to last during a blow job you idiot

Original poster

Cherryicecreamx · 10/04/2025 16:21

ZippyOliveEagle · 10/04/2025 16:05

I think it’s fairly normal everyone probably feels this way at some point in their lives. However if it’s how you feel most of the time you could be asexual? I haven’t had sex for about 2 years now and I will admit I miss it and wish I had a partner to be intimate with. But everyone is different

Yeah perhaps I just need a long break from it for it to spark my interest. A two year celibacy sounds great haha. And I guess after that if I still don't desire it, maybe I am asexual after all 🤔 I'm wondering if it is just a blip or if I am that way after all.

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RaraRachael · 10/04/2025 16:21

I totally agree OP. Never enjoyed it and it was always a chore.
Now if has fizzled out and neither of us mentions it.
I'm perfectly happy never to have to do it again.

Original poster

Cherryicecreamx · 10/04/2025 16:26

RaraRachael · 10/04/2025 16:21

I totally agree OP. Never enjoyed it and it was always a chore.
Now if has fizzled out and neither of us mentions it.
I'm perfectly happy never to have to do it again.

I have found my person haha. Yeah I would describe it as a chore as well, it honestly seems such a waste of time, so many other things I could be doing than fondling around - it really doesn't do anything for me.

OP posts:

ZippyOliveEagle · 10/04/2025 16:32

Cherryicecreamx · 10/04/2025 16:21

Yeah perhaps I just need a long break from it for it to spark my interest. A two year celibacy sounds great haha. And I guess after that if I still don't desire it, maybe I am asexual after all 🤔 I'm wondering if it is just a blip or if I am that way after all.

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I’m sure it’s great if it’s by choice 😂. But maybe that will help you figure things out. After all you know yourself best and these feelings

bestcatlife · 10/04/2025 16:34

You're not alone, the thought of it makes me feel sick..

PoppyBaxter · 10/04/2025 16:35

How old are you OP?

I loved sex through my 20s. Then couldn't really be bothered more than a cursory once a week quicky for about 7 years through my early 30s. And I've had an insane hormonal surge now I'm in my early 40s and sex has pretty much become my favourite thing to do! I'm feeling physical feelings I've never experienced before and wanting to be experimental in a way I haven't previously. This is all with the same man by the way - my husband of 20 years.

So it's common and normal to go through different phases as you go through life. Although if you're saying you've never been bothered, you may just have a low sex drive, and that's fine too. You just need to meet a man who matches you.

Original poster

Cherryicecreamx · 10/04/2025 16:44

PoppyBaxter · 10/04/2025 16:35

How old are you OP?

I loved sex through my 20s. Then couldn't really be bothered more than a cursory once a week quicky for about 7 years through my early 30s. And I've had an insane hormonal surge now I'm in my early 40s and sex has pretty much become my favourite thing to do! I'm feeling physical feelings I've never experienced before and wanting to be experimental in a way I haven't previously. This is all with the same man by the way - my husband of 20 years.

So it's common and normal to go through different phases as you go through life. Although if you're saying you've never been bothered, you may just have a low sex drive, and that's fine too. You just need to meet a man who matches you.

That's the thing, I'm only 27! You'd think it be prime time but I'm looking at these men as so predatory. They compliment me or pay for a date but it all feels in exchange for something. In relationships it's seems like an obligation. Everything just feels like sex sex sex and be nice to feel they actually want to spend time with me without an ulterior motive or hoping it's on the cards.
Am I just waking up to the world haha because I'm feeling pretty deflated with it all.

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Mrsttcno1 · 10/04/2025 16:50

It may just be the experiences you’ve had which have altered the way you see sex OP, which is a shame.

If all you’ve ever had is sexual experiences where you have felt used, had sex because you felt obligated, or been with people who you feel have only been with you for what they get sexually then I can definitely see why you feel that way- I’d feel the same!

I love sex, with my husband, but then that’s probably because he is genuinely more bothered about my pleasure than his own, we have a great relationship generally, we fancy each other and we have been together long enough that we know what we like!

As a side note though, you’re too polite by faking it! Maybe I’m just a bitch but I’d quite happily tell them they’re shit and show them the door😂

PoppyBaxter · 10/04/2025 16:51

Cherryicecreamx · 10/04/2025 16:44

That's the thing, I'm only 27! You'd think it be prime time but I'm looking at these men as so predatory. They compliment me or pay for a date but it all feels in exchange for something. In relationships it's seems like an obligation. Everything just feels like sex sex sex and be nice to feel they actually want to spend time with me without an ulterior motive or hoping it's on the cards.
Am I just waking up to the world haha because I'm feeling pretty deflated with it all.

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I guess what you're describing is wanting friendship, rather than a relationship.

If you're 'dating', then yes, most people would have an expectation that - at some point down the line - it would lead to sex.

Are you attracted to men? Could you be gay?

If not, it sounds like you're asexual, which is a valid state to be.

PoppyBaxter · 10/04/2025 16:54

Mrsttcno1 · 10/04/2025 16:50

It may just be the experiences you’ve had which have altered the way you see sex OP, which is a shame.

If all you’ve ever had is sexual experiences where you have felt used, had sex because you felt obligated, or been with people who you feel have only been with you for what they get sexually then I can definitely see why you feel that way- I’d feel the same!

I love sex, with my husband, but then that’s probably because he is genuinely more bothered about my pleasure than his own, we have a great relationship generally, we fancy each other and we have been together long enough that we know what we like!

As a side note though, you’re too polite by faking it! Maybe I’m just a bitch but I’d quite happily tell them they’re shit and show them the door😂

A few months ago, when my peri sex drive had only recently kicked in and I realised I wanted more from sex, I pushed DH off of me and said "Nope, sorry, this is shit"! Thankfully we've been together a long time and he wasn't phased (and upped his game!)

Lillibridge · 10/04/2025 17:40

I think my sex drive pendulums from one side to another. Sometimes I have a healthy sexual appetite but then I can go weeks without any strong sexual desire at all. I think that the thought of sex is far more of a turn on than the actual act itself.

Crikeyalmighty · 10/04/2025 18:34

@RaraRachael I’m 63 and feel like that too - I officially shut up shop at 58 and was very honest with my H and told him I no longer enjoyed it , in fact I just used to ‘tense up’ - I did say if it was a dealbreaker then now was the time and understood if he felt that way . We haven’t split and he said he did understand - not sure if he does but I refused to have sex I didn’t want any longer. For me I had a few things that triggered it off I think - and meant I no longer felt the same in a sexual way towards him - not sure I would anyone else either to be honest.

notatinydancer · 10/04/2025 19:13

I feel the same, much older.
There are dating sites for asexual people , if you do want to meet someone?

Woollyguru · 10/04/2025 19:19

RaraRachael · 10/04/2025 16:21

I totally agree OP. Never enjoyed it and it was always a chore.
Now if has fizzled out and neither of us mentions it.
I'm perfectly happy never to have to do it again.

I wish I could do that. I'd love to never have to do it again. After 25 years of marriage I've had more than enough to last me a lifetime.

RaraRachael · 11/04/2025 13:36

@Cherryicecreamx i'm also glad to find that there are like minded people to me! I've explained my situation on previous threads but it's usually met with "How can you possibly have a good, loving relationship without physical intimacy?" The answer is, quite easily. We have fun and a great time together without sex.

@Woollyguru Sorry to hear that. Are you pressurised into having sex by your OH?

My mother was widowed at 64 and was quite happy not to have sex ever again. She often said she'd like to have had a man as a friend to go on days out with or a plus one for events, but in her words, "Men always want THAT"

Crikeyalmighty · 11/04/2025 15:58

@RaraRachael I totally get how your mother felt and I’m 63 - I appreciate some women can go on forever being interested - but a great many simply aren’t - but it seems society is saying that we can’t have a decent relationship ( even if in one) unless we put out till society says - it’s ok, you can pack it in now .

MsCactus · 11/04/2025 17:40

Cherryicecreamx · 10/04/2025 16:21

Yeah perhaps I just need a long break from it for it to spark my interest. A two year celibacy sounds great haha. And I guess after that if I still don't desire it, maybe I am asexual after all 🤔 I'm wondering if it is just a blip or if I am that way after all.

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Are you on the pill OP? I'm obsessed with sex when I'm ovulating, but couldn't care less the rest of the time. Hormones make a huge difference!