Is anyone else just over it?

[Cherryicecreamx]

I'm just so over sex. Even touch. Like it does absolutely nothing for me.

I'm starting to think there is something wrong with me - I feel I could never be touched or have sex again and that would be wonderful.

I'm just not interested and honestly I don't know if I ever have been properly. I just did it with partners because that was the done thing. I could think of almost anything else I'd rather be doing.

Perhaps I'm a bit scarred from the men I encounter with their one track mind that I don't even feel safe with a touch or a cuddle without it leading to more. I'm just a bit bored of it now. It would be nice to feel that they are in my company for other reasons other than a chance to get their leg over. Ugh I don't know. Please tell me I'm not alone in my feelings 😅

Nothing wrong with it if you are happy being that way (unless it is caused by a medical condition which is undiagnosed).

It isn’t an unknow situation but how common it is shouldn’t matter, if you are fine with it. Just don’t get in relationships where the other person has a sex drive, that way there is no issue.

I enjoyed sex in my 20s, 30s, and most of my 40s, but when I hit around 45 I really started not to be arsed about it. Hasn't helped that in my last two long term relationships both men had physical problems - not ED, but my ex husband had a too tight foreskin which meant he was unable to have sex without a condom...but couldn't put condoms on properly. He refused to have a circumcision to rectify it. After I got pregnant and had an abortion due to a split condom and the morning after pill failed, and he still refused to do anything about it, I refused to have sex with him again and ended the marriage a year later. I was 41 and did still enjoy sex at that point.

Current partner of 15 years has Peyronie's disease and is also on a high level of antidepressants...so his libido has gone. The menopause has taken mine, as well. We are both in our mid 50s and are quite happy that sex is no longer occurring in our relationship. My partner has never had a high sex drive and didn't lose his virginity until he was 27. I therefore trust he is not lying to me now.

My mother and father divorced when my mother was 47. She's never had a relationship since (Catholic). Turns 84 this year.

I think I've always struggled with my libido. Even when younger, I could take it or leave it. I try to meet the sexual needs of my partner but it has to been spontaneous. If I have time to think about it, the urge will dissipate. We're a good couple but sexually, a little mismatched.

In regard to parents, as someone mentioned earlier; from what I can gather, they had rather an active sex life. But after my Dad passed, I suspect my Mum accepted that part of her life was over. She was mid 50s by then. There was never another man. They lived in a less analytical time, less navel gazing and there wasn't the pressure to be sexually active well into later life. She had her friends and lived her best life without the constant need for sex.

The enjoyment of sex for me has been more about the desire for my partner and the intimacy. The actual penetration side of it has rarely done much for me unless I "help myself" at the same time. In my life, the men have either been bothered only about getting their own needs met (short-term stuff) or have started off being keen to pleasure me but eventually couldn't be arsed. From that point I start feeling used for free sex and it becomes a chore.

These days there's aggressive/abusive porn and idiots like Andrew Tate influencing men's expectations of what sex in a relationship should entail. That was very obvious in my last partner's attitudes and he was 41. I'm 53 now and if I never have sex again, I'm not bothered because I get so little out of it. My ideal would be to find someone who just wants companionship with some affection (I miss hugs a lot), but the chances of that are exceedingly small.

Why are you waking up next to men you aren’t in a relationship with if you don’t sex, but you know they will?

At only 27 you sound very mature and attuned to what you want and need, and if it is companionship without sex why not try an asexual dating platform that a pp suggested?
I'm twice your age and have always adored good sex, but after ending my last relationship last year I've come to the conclusion that it is far too much hassle when most blokes just end up being utter pricks. Add to that the vast majority of blokes I've slept with are crap in bed and need to be told what to do rather than trying to be a porn star.
Good luck op, make the life that YOU want and if that involves no sex that is your perogative. Concentrate on friends, family, travel, hobbies or whatever else is your passion in life x

I’m nearly 60 and been single 5 years.

My marriage was really good sexually right until things started to fade the last few years

Then I had a rebound relationship for a couple of years where I was peri and we shagged like rabbits. Towards the end I think that’s the only reason I stayed because the sex was fantastic - but he was a twat

Since we split in 2020 I’ve only kissed 3 men and not had a sniff of sex. I do have waves of thinking it would be nice to have a bit of intimacy but then the thought of having to disturb my peace for the sake of being pawed by a man reminds me it’s not worth it.

Think I’m resigned to probably never having sex again and I’m ok with that if the alternative is having my inner peace and calm invaded.

@TwistedWonder yep and the problem is it’s rarely on your terms on an as and when basis. Once in a relationship regardless of what age you are so many men expect it’s going to be several times a week minimum whether you feel like it or not - and then it becomes an expectation rather than an ad hoc pleasure

OP When you click with the right person there is no other feeling like it, pardon the pun!
It is magical especially when both O at the same time.

Whenever I felt like this it was just a sign of being disheartened at the guy being gross and annoying. So a natural symptom of it not working out. I think it’s normal to wax and wane in life for various reasons and it’s fine just to leave that area be.

yes same in my 40s, better than it’s ever been. I never had drive in my 20s, 30s

But it's not the same for everyone. It's always been a chore for me. If I could only have done it the twice it took to create my kids I'd have been delighted 😅

Nope no contraception. Would make sense for your libido to go up when you're ovulating - I just seem so uninterested either way. It makes me wonder if my hormones are out of balance that could be the cause of it??