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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How would you feel if your family made constant jokes at your expense?

33 replies

Modern20 · 09/04/2025 20:33

I’m very close with my family, they are generally good and kind people and support me and my own family a lot.
however they always make jokes about me that (I feel) aren’t at all true or accurate. I will ask what time something is at later that day say dinner and the constant jokes will be I’m a control freak, I need to know everything etc.
Or they will joke that I am a helicopter parent because I don’t allow them to kiss my newborn baby or give them chocolate for breakfast.
there’s quite a few things like this, it has always annoyed me but I’ve never said anything.
I have some health issues going on that I have trusted my parents with and they have said they will support me. I spoke with them about an appointment earlier and asked what time they can come up to mind my children so I can go (this was the arranged plan they were happy to babysit). Out comes the jokes that I’m OTT, that I need to micromanage everything etc etc. I just had enough and burst out crying, which now seems ridiculous. I said I don’t appreciate the constant jokes about me especially not when I am worried about something and have trusted them with this to support me through it (practically and emotionally I hoped). I was told to grow up and it’s only a laugh. I’m a 42 years old mother to 3 children and I’m so annoyed at myself for even getting upset

OP posts:
bevm72yellow · 09/04/2025 20:55

Turn a deaf ear towards the individual saying it. Avoid looking at them. Don't respond in any way to " the joke" which gets tiresome. Don't even acknowledge it with a nod. Give a deadpan face. If someone else responds to it again disregard it and say " anyone for a coffee/ tea?". It will lose its effect

stayathomer · 09/04/2025 20:56

It’s terrible they told you to grow up when you cried, try and talk about it again and tell them they need to listen to how they talk to you. Hope you’re ok

Elcad · 09/04/2025 20:58

They don't seem to be so nice... You can repeat that it's not funny.

Sulu17 · 09/04/2025 20:59

I had all this shit when I was much younger. Have a bit of a think about how nice they really are. Took me a long time to see my family in their true colours.

FumingTRex · 09/04/2025 21:00

They sound horrible, i think its good you cried as its showing them how much its upset you. Its a shame they are too thick skinned and uncaring to realise.

Original poster
Modern20 · 09/04/2025 21:03

bevm72yellow · 09/04/2025 20:55

Turn a deaf ear towards the individual saying it. Avoid looking at them. Don't respond in any way to " the joke" which gets tiresome. Don't even acknowledge it with a nod. Give a deadpan face. If someone else responds to it again disregard it and say " anyone for a coffee/ tea?". It will lose its effect

I have done this for years. I never ever respond. I just ignore it. Which doesn’t help with how it makes me feel but I guess does stop them getting a rise from me. Ironically , a part of the longstanding joke is also that I “can’t take a joke”. I probably am a bit sensitive at times.

I do talk to my parents about serious and important issues and at the time they listen and support but then that feeds into the joke that “I’m a massive worrier”.

OP posts:
Original poster
Modern20 · 09/04/2025 21:04

stayathomer · 09/04/2025 20:56

It’s terrible they told you to grow up when you cried, try and talk about it again and tell them they need to listen to how they talk to you. Hope you’re ok

Thank you. I said to them that even if they think it’s a joke it’s hurts me and maybe they could think about apologising rather than standing over it as a joke and that I can’t take a joke or am too sensitive. If I thought I hurt someone’s feelings I would apologise .

OP posts:
Daisyvodka · 09/04/2025 21:05

I'm so sorry that you are having to put up with this, it's bullying if the individual in question isn't laughing along with the joke, in my opinion.

Have you tried making them feel weird or boring? Often people who are (sorry to say this) a bit of an arsehole who likes to carry on teasing even if the person isn't finding it funny, only seem to 'get it' if you react like they are being super weird or super boring, as there's an instilled 'stop being a snowflake' awful mentality that you get with people who don't like to be told to stop teasing.

So for example, giving them an odd look/ eyebrow raise or rolling your eyes, don't be tempted to respond to it in any way. If they press you, you can go 'just bored of the same jokes' or 'don't know why you keep making the same weird jokes, its really weird' places the ones back on them. Don't be tempted to follow the sentences up with 'because I don't like it/I don't find it funny' - focus on them being boring/weird.
I've found it's worked quite well in the past - you might initially get people going 'oh it's just a joke' to you again but after a while of you repeatedly going 'what a boring joke, heard that one before' or 'there you are with the weird jokes again' they tend to back down.

Original poster
Modern20 · 09/04/2025 21:30

Daisyvodka · 09/04/2025 21:05

I'm so sorry that you are having to put up with this, it's bullying if the individual in question isn't laughing along with the joke, in my opinion.

Have you tried making them feel weird or boring? Often people who are (sorry to say this) a bit of an arsehole who likes to carry on teasing even if the person isn't finding it funny, only seem to 'get it' if you react like they are being super weird or super boring, as there's an instilled 'stop being a snowflake' awful mentality that you get with people who don't like to be told to stop teasing.

So for example, giving them an odd look/ eyebrow raise or rolling your eyes, don't be tempted to respond to it in any way. If they press you, you can go 'just bored of the same jokes' or 'don't know why you keep making the same weird jokes, its really weird' places the ones back on them. Don't be tempted to follow the sentences up with 'because I don't like it/I don't find it funny' - focus on them being boring/weird.
I've found it's worked quite well in the past - you might initially get people going 'oh it's just a joke' to you again but after a while of you repeatedly going 'what a boring joke, heard that one before' or 'there you are with the weird jokes again' they tend to back down.

Thank you. I don’t think that would work as it’s usually everyone so in the ‘odd one out’ them as everyone else is killing themsleves laughing

OP posts:
Original poster
Modern20 · 09/04/2025 21:51

FumingTRex · 09/04/2025 21:00

They sound horrible, i think its good you cried as its showing them how much its upset you. Its a shame they are too thick skinned and uncaring to realise.

I feel so embarrassed for crying

OP posts:
Planetmonster · 09/04/2025 21:54

Sulu17 · 09/04/2025 20:59

I had all this shit when I was much younger. Have a bit of a think about how nice they really are. Took me a long time to see my family in their true colours.

Yeah ….. they don’t sound nice at all.

maybe have a think about how nice they really are.

any other things they do to upset you ? Do they listen to your feelings or your feelings are ignored ?

Original poster
Modern20 · 09/04/2025 21:56

Planetmonster · 09/04/2025 21:54

Yeah ….. they don’t sound nice at all.

maybe have a think about how nice they really are.

any other things they do to upset you ? Do they listen to your feelings or your feelings are ignored ?

Show quote history

We’re not really a big feelings family but I’ve worked hard to change that with my own children

OP posts:
TheSlantedOwl · 09/04/2025 21:58

I’d be tempted to turn on their insecurities with a few jokes of your own. See how they like it.

Their weight/lack of intelligence/lack of attainment - whatever. If everything’s up for grabs, it’s fine, right?

They sound hateful @Modern20

autisticbookworm · 09/04/2025 22:02

“Maybe i became this way because all my family ever do is take the piss out of me. If I’d been treated better by the people who are suppose to love me maybe I’d be a better version of myself.”

if they take offence just say “it’s only a joke”

failing that the only other way to manage this is to restrict your time with them and don’t ask anything of them. If they ask why be honest and say it’s because of how they treat you.

I also grew up the family joke, it only changed when I stopped accepting it. I went low contact with my sister. I visit my parents on my terms and they are grateful for the visits, if either of them say anything I push back instantly. But tbh it’s been maybe lat ten years and I’m 46 so it took me a long time to do it.

Serriadh · 09/04/2025 22:06

My mum is like this. I stopped telling her anything important when I was about 13 (because she’d just make it into a joke) and now I suspect she is mystified that we aren’t closer (she is much closer to my sister but she’s always been nice to her!).

Is there anyone you can rely on for emotional support? You can take time to grieve that you don’t have the family you deserved but you need to stop relying on them - they are not nice to you.

Original poster
Modern20 · 09/04/2025 22:31

Serriadh · 09/04/2025 22:06

My mum is like this. I stopped telling her anything important when I was about 13 (because she’d just make it into a joke) and now I suspect she is mystified that we aren’t closer (she is much closer to my sister but she’s always been nice to her!).

Is there anyone you can rely on for emotional support? You can take time to grieve that you don’t have the family you deserved but you need to stop relying on them - they are not nice to you.

Yes I do have other people for emotional support thankfully.
my parents always made things that I shared with them a joke too when I was younger

OP posts:
Daisyvodka · 09/04/2025 22:35

Modern20 · 09/04/2025 21:30

Thank you. I don’t think that would work as it’s usually everyone so in the ‘odd one out’ them as everyone else is killing themsleves laughing

Show quote history

God, they are really horrible aren't they. This is going to sound mad but have you tried talking over them - 'BORING. HEARD THAT JOKE BEFORE. BORING. BORINGGGG'? Or just going 'This again? Fine, I'll leave - clearly you don't want me here or you wouldn't keep deliberately saying things to upset me' and then going?

TipsyJoker · 09/04/2025 22:37

I would be cold and take some distance from them for a bit. Let them see that you’re serious and you’re not going to be around if they continue to bully you. Because that’s what this is. It’s not funny. They’re belittling you and that has to stop.

TacCat49 · 10/04/2025 00:09

I consider these comments to be quite abusive, bullying behaviour and I wouldn't put up with this. My father was like this, attention seeking, loudest voice in the room, look at me, look at me, I'm a big man, bla bla bla. Look at this poor pathetic creature who needs to sort out their behaviour. What a prat and no one thought he was funny. They thought he was the loud mouth that he was.
I would tell your parents in no uncertain terms that you will not longer be the whipping boy/girl.

OrchardDoor · 10/04/2025 00:16

Modern20 · 09/04/2025 21:51

I feel so embarrassed for crying

Show quote history

Don't be. It's them that should feel embarrassed at how they treat you. I'd try and spend much less time with them if I were you. They are using you as the family scapegoat with their constant mocking.

OrchardDoor · 10/04/2025 00:35

It's actually a good thing you let them know they upset you. They'll either stop, or if they don't, you'll know you need to reduce contact. If you drastically reduce contact you might find they appreciate you more and find another scapegoat. If they don't then you'll benefit from reducing contact. It can't be doing your self esteem any good. You need to hang out with people who treat you well

Soonenough · 10/04/2025 01:38

I felt this too all my life. Apparently as a child was quick tempered and so the family lore is that I am hard work, difficult, bossy and can't take a joke at my expense . Have no idea why it is still a thing as outside of my family I don't seem to have these problems . I was first amongst cousins to get married and have kids , so was boring as I didn't want drink or drugs in my house. Don't really like pubs so boring again .
Ironically my brother is the one that hates any criticism . We can't change them only own response . So very difficult.

HeddaGarbled · 10/04/2025 01:57

Yes, my family were just like this: all communication was ‘banter’. I used to do it too, until I, like you, was going through a rough time, and just thought, I’m tired of this.

For a while, I avoided big family gatherings. I’d see my parents but not the rest of them, grey-rocked the crap, and off-loaded on my husband and friends.

My mum changed after my dad died and she became much more reliant on me. We all calmed down after that and are reasonably OK now.

AliceMcK · 10/04/2025 02:10

Ahhh yes, you’re moody, emotional, sensitive, can’t take a joke. Everything is funny, you’re always in the wrong for having feelings, having your confidences betrayed. I know it well.

My answer for finally getting peace was NC. You could try low contact if you don’t want to cut them out. Just see them on your terms, walk out calmly when they start, and most importantly never share anything personal with them again.

daisychain01 · 10/04/2025 02:41

And we wonder why people are bullies in the workplace - it's borne out of family dynamics. The people who bully members of their family, mock them, constantly take the mickey out of them, taunt them to force a reaction out of them are often the ones who subject colleagues in the workplace to that ghastly behaviour, unfortunately in the home there is no HR or respite, they carry on doing it year after year with nobody able to get them to realise how awful they are.

like others, @Modern20 I don't think they are "good and kind people", how can they be. Unfortunately you have misplaced loyalty towards them, they sound deeply unpleasant especially as they all gang up on you. I hope you find the strength to reduce the times you have to be subjected to this, it isn't good for your MH.