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Original poster

My 1 year bf and his lies

70 replies

MyLilacReader · 09/04/2025 18:07

Hello everyone, this is gonna be a long one, sorry. I really don’t know where to start... I was researching and I came across this website and decided to share what I’ve been going through because I cannot share this with anyone I know…

So, I (f27) have been with my bf for one year, more precisely I have known him for one year because we broke up a lot during this year. He started lying to me the minute he entered my life, and I am saying that literally.

His first lie was the day he introduced himself to me, and that lie lasted for a month before I found out. He lied about his job, he said he was working in construction when in fact he had been fired.

He went all the way to proving he was at work every single day for a whole month (e.g. “my colleagues are making fun of me rn saying that I look too happy”, “my boss is fed up with the breaks I take to talk to you”, “this is a picture of me rn, my colleague took it whilst I am texting you, look how happy I am”…), not to mention that he’d go everyday to a noisy area to talk to me on the phone in his “break time” to make me believe he’s at work. The sheer amount of work pictures he sent, when they were all taken ages ago before talking to me.

I eventually found out, I confronted him and he denied, but then admitted and said he felt ashamed to not be working when I was a very successful woman. He got all emotional and silent and made me feel unreasonable so I calmed myself down and swallowed my anger for a week before breaking up with him on the phone and blocking him. He reached out from another number and was very upset and angry at me, I told my brother and we dealt with it.

A while after he reached out and was apologising and did everything to make me believe he was sincere. I was dumb enough to take him back, because “I love him”…

The lies did not stop. I found out more VERY DETAILED lies and broke up with him, then woke up next morning to a SOS message saying he was in an accident. I had just woken up and couldn’t comprehend anything, I got so scared that he may have done something to himself because of me and called him sobbing. He was calm and said he was unable to sleep last night and got in a fight and that may hace triggered the SOS message (????)

Ofc, I washed my face and looked at the message again, it was fake. I confronted him and he admitted after denying and said “cz I love you, I cannot just lose you”, broke up again, then he was at my door again, and so on.

There was many more lies in between, but then I happened to move to the city where he lives for my masters, and I was closer so he took opportunity to win my heart back.

Not gonna lie, he is the sweetest and most charming man I’ve even known, he would go up and beyond to see me smile, if he knew I was sick he’d come to my door with a bag full of healthy foods that made me feel better, he’d never forget a single detail that i love and made sure to plan for everything the way I love it, and he did everything to show me he was willing to change and to never lie again.

I believed him, and I can feel and see his love for me (if he is not lying about it).

The lies stopped, but then a couple of months ago I found a text in his phone to an escort, she did not reply, but his search history was full of all evidence that he has been looking. Just months before that I found emails from escort websites that he registered at, and he swore that it was his younger brother using his email. For the message incident, he was shaking and swearing that he can explain, he said it was his cousin because he couldn’t access those websites from his own phone. I left him with no answer but he did everything to make me feel I was unreasonable and I just cannot really know whether or not it is true.

If I was to believe his actions and feelings, I’d say biggest fear is losing me. He would never try to control me or even get angry at me or raise his voice at me at all. I would have never questioned him if I had not seen his lies, he is literally a man any girl would dream of because he is extremely gentle, or am I just being to emotional, I really do not know. He got a job and has been very hard working and even got promoted this month. He proposed to me, and I asked him for more time, he said he understands because he messed up a lot and it is his job to fix it all and that he will wait until I was ready to take that step.

I love him, I really do, but sometimes I feel like this love was broken so much. I never trust him, I always hear him and think “that may be a lie so don’t fully believe it” even in the silliest things. I never had a chance to trust him, and I always question him like crazy, I am always praying that he does something else so that I can walk away fully this time because I keep feeling sorry for him when he cries and I tell him I am not leaving him.

I am just lost and trapped, I look at him and I see all the nice days we spent together, all the memories, the laughs… I laugh with him the most, I feel happy and safe, but once I go home I start thinking about his lies and whether or not he is lying ot cheating.

Everyday I go between wanting to end it and wanting to stay, but I am ashamed to be with him and nobody with my friends know because they think I broke up with him already after what he did. I just don’t know what to do and how to deal with this mess…

OP posts:
Original poster
MyLilacReader · 11/04/2025 16:15

NimbleTiger · 10/04/2025 18:39

It's called the push and pull ? one minute ott on the nice bit to reel you in over the bs and lies and manipulation. It's a toxic pantomime of his making with you as the star player.
Recognise the endless circle you are in I'm sure there will be lots you are not even aware of yet ....I've lived this life it erodes your confidence and self esteem and takes years to recover from if you don't escape early on. I stayed it took years of my life that I'll never get back. He's lied from day one you love a fantasy of his making, he's not real he's fake recognise that and RUN !!!! Hugs

Thank you for your advice. You are right, it really destroys me, even though his love for me (as far as I know of course) have actually made me feel dor the first time in my life that I can be loved, and I felt precious, but yeah none of this love or nice memories helped me to erase the lies or stop doubting him… I just kept thinking I love him like crazy and I feel that he loves me, but this is not enough, I need to know that he is trustworthy and honest, but I can never know for sure now.

OP posts:
Outofthepan · 11/04/2025 16:17

Fadesto · 09/04/2025 18:26

I didn’t even read past the first few lines, why on Earth would you want to stay? Surely this is a no brainer? What’s making you reluctant? (Please don’t say because you love him because you literally don’t even know him to love him)

Same.

Run. @MyLilacReader

Springhassprungthesunisout · 11/04/2025 16:18

Make sure your contraception is bulletproof. You dont want to become tied to this liar with a child.

Extricate yourself from this shitshow of a relationship. Raise your standards. You deserve better.

Original poster
MyLilacReader · 11/04/2025 16:20

Springhassprungthesunisout · 11/04/2025 16:18

Make sure your contraception is bulletproof. You dont want to become tied to this liar with a child.

Extricate yourself from this shitshow of a relationship. Raise your standards. You deserve better.

Edited

Thank you for your advice. I ended this relationship a couple of days ago and now it is time to heal and get over it somehow.

OP posts:
Doolallies · 11/04/2025 16:21

There is nothing good about this man, he is rotten to the core

wrongthinker · 11/04/2025 16:23

He would never try to control me or even get angry at me or raise his voice at me

What the hell? He'd never control you? He spent a month lying to you every single day then pretended to be in an emergency to get your attention.

Wake up, OP.

I hope there are no kids involved here.

SomethingFun · 11/04/2025 16:31

He doesn’t need to get angry because you’ve been buying the sad guy act. If you don’t maybe he’ll start getting angry.

You seem like a lovely person with low self esteem. You are catnip to these horrible awful men who know you are the best thing that can happen to them and that if you get a second to really think about it you’ll be getting rid without a backwards glance. So they fuck with your head so you don’t get 5 mins to think.

At 27 you are a young woman in your prime. You don’t ever have to settle for someone who lies or cheats or makes you feel like shit. You don’t need a man to be happy or complete or start a family these days. Embrace your wonderful freedom and your precious life.

Original poster
MyLilacReader · 11/04/2025 16:32

wrongthinker · 11/04/2025 16:23

He would never try to control me or even get angry at me or raise his voice at me

What the hell? He'd never control you? He spent a month lying to you every single day then pretended to be in an emergency to get your attention.

Wake up, OP.

I hope there are no kids involved here.

Thanks for your comment. I meant after that incident, I never saw any controlling behaviour from him.

But of course, this does not excuse his behaviour.

No kids involved. I also ended the relationship a couple of days ago.

OP posts:
Lavender14 · 11/04/2025 17:04

MyLilacReader · 10/04/2025 11:56

That is the thing. Whenever I try to leave he starts acting extremely broken and sad, but I look at his eyes and I just see an actor, it is not real he tries to play with my feelings, but what hurts me the most is when he brings memories and future plans back.

I give so much value to memories and future plans, and it hurts me so much I just get back from my word so not to feel.

But this time it is more, this time I hug him and all I can think is “I should not be here”.

I broke it off yesterday, of course he first said “I have done everything I can to show you that I am a good person, we had more good memories than bad ones, but choosing to look at the bad ones only is a choice, and you have made your choice, you are free to do whatever you want, I am done trying to hold onto you”.

I did not reply I was just exhausted, of course that was not it, he says that to make me feel that I have lost him, but then texted back all sad and with stories that he asked his mum and dad why they chose each other abd they said they were not looking for “perfect”, and that they loved each other despite all. Lies, ofc, he made it up.

I told him I cannot live my life looking through his phone and that this is not me. He said he asked his big sister, and she told him it was normal that I keep looking through his phone. I said “okay tell her why I look through your phone and we’ll see her reaction”.

He got all sad and angry and called me “cold” for being that distant in the conversation. Said now I was free from all my feelings and from how horrible he is in my head.

He ended the conversation with “I am not gonna stay put like this waiting for you, I’ll move on with my life, maybe I can be happy, who knows? maybe someone will make me happy.” Basically trying to get me to panic that I am losing him. I did not reply.

Show quote history

You did the right thing op.

"choosing to look at the bad ones only is a choice, and you have made your choice" this is really really telling. This is him again taking no accountability for HIS actions and trying to put the blame on to you for not just getting over the things he's done. He's trying to avoid the fact that his actions have consequences and that HE is the reason the relationship ended by gaslighting you. When that didn't work he got angry and attacked your character. When that didn't work he has basically tried to upset you and spark jealously in you that he could get other women.

I really hope his response has been validating for you- that you have absolutely dodged a bullet here. I'd block him because he seems like the kind of guy who would have form for harassment. Hopefully he'll leave you in peace though.

OnaMatUpHere · 11/04/2025 17:48

Trouble is that you cannot trust anything he says or does. So when he said he loves you, does he really? Or is he just saying whatever it takes to get you to stay? Which as a pp pointed out is a type of control.
You would never have had a deep connection with him and although you say that you felt loved, it was not love.
Well done for breaking up with him.
Best to go no contact now and work out why you put up with him.

wrongthinker · 11/04/2025 18:13

MyLilacReader · 11/04/2025 16:32

Thanks for your comment. I meant after that incident, I never saw any controlling behaviour from him.

But of course, this does not excuse his behaviour.

No kids involved. I also ended the relationship a couple of days ago.

Show quote history

Good for you! Don't go back. He's a waste of space.

supercali77 · 11/04/2025 18:14

I remember reading that charm is a verb, an action aka They're 'being charming'. In my..admittedly often bad..experience of men. The ones that were the most charming, most eager, most all over you with the romance. They are real problems. A straightlaced person, the kind that doesn't live a total fantasy life, isn't all that charming except by accident. They don't make promises they can't keep. And they know their own limits. I'd ask yourself why you want the drama of it. You're asking why he's going to these lengths. Well, he's clearly got some weird pathology. A fantasy life he's constructing and lying about. What matters to you is you can't believe him, so you should leave him for your own good.

supercali77 · 11/04/2025 18:15

Oh cross posted well done op

Bittenonce · 11/04/2025 19:08

There’s some strong words on here - but actually all true and with your wellbeing in mind. Please please just block him on every possible platform- I know that if he contacts you again (he probably will try to) he will lie again, just to see if it still works. And there’s still an outside chance you’ll believe (let’s face it he’s a good liar, plenty of practice), I’d hate that to happen

savethatkitty · 11/04/2025 19:18

You're a fool. You are looking for someone to tell you he is OK, he is a good person. He's not. Stop being a mug.

Original poster
MyLilacReader · 12/04/2025 16:37

savethatkitty · 11/04/2025 19:18

You're a fool. You are looking for someone to tell you he is OK, he is a good person. He's not. Stop being a mug.

What makes you feel entitled to call me that?

If you read properly, you can see that I am seeking some sort of comfort that my feelings are correct and that ending this is the only correct option, which I did.

Either answer with respect or keep your mean comment to yourself.

OP posts:
outerspacepotato · 12/04/2025 16:42

You've only been with this guy a year and that's on and off. He lies constantly

Your relationship is not a stable one and you can't trust him. Why would you even want to continue this?

teentantrums · 12/04/2025 17:24

I genuinely believe that being with a compulsive liar is one of the most damaging things you can do with yourself. I was in a relationship with one for years and it took me a long time (I was young and naive!) to realise that, even if he did sometimes tell the truth, I couldnt believe a word he said on anything as he had absolutely no guilt in lying even about the most banale things. I began to doubt everything, even my own thoughts. It really messes with your head. I am glad that you got out!

RedRock41 · 12/04/2025 17:41

MyLilacReader · 09/04/2025 18:07

Hello everyone, this is gonna be a long one, sorry. I really don’t know where to start... I was researching and I came across this website and decided to share what I’ve been going through because I cannot share this with anyone I know…

So, I (f27) have been with my bf for one year, more precisely I have known him for one year because we broke up a lot during this year. He started lying to me the minute he entered my life, and I am saying that literally.

His first lie was the day he introduced himself to me, and that lie lasted for a month before I found out. He lied about his job, he said he was working in construction when in fact he had been fired.

He went all the way to proving he was at work every single day for a whole month (e.g. “my colleagues are making fun of me rn saying that I look too happy”, “my boss is fed up with the breaks I take to talk to you”, “this is a picture of me rn, my colleague took it whilst I am texting you, look how happy I am”…), not to mention that he’d go everyday to a noisy area to talk to me on the phone in his “break time” to make me believe he’s at work. The sheer amount of work pictures he sent, when they were all taken ages ago before talking to me.

I eventually found out, I confronted him and he denied, but then admitted and said he felt ashamed to not be working when I was a very successful woman. He got all emotional and silent and made me feel unreasonable so I calmed myself down and swallowed my anger for a week before breaking up with him on the phone and blocking him. He reached out from another number and was very upset and angry at me, I told my brother and we dealt with it.

A while after he reached out and was apologising and did everything to make me believe he was sincere. I was dumb enough to take him back, because “I love him”…

The lies did not stop. I found out more VERY DETAILED lies and broke up with him, then woke up next morning to a SOS message saying he was in an accident. I had just woken up and couldn’t comprehend anything, I got so scared that he may have done something to himself because of me and called him sobbing. He was calm and said he was unable to sleep last night and got in a fight and that may hace triggered the SOS message (????)

Ofc, I washed my face and looked at the message again, it was fake. I confronted him and he admitted after denying and said “cz I love you, I cannot just lose you”, broke up again, then he was at my door again, and so on.

There was many more lies in between, but then I happened to move to the city where he lives for my masters, and I was closer so he took opportunity to win my heart back.

Not gonna lie, he is the sweetest and most charming man I’ve even known, he would go up and beyond to see me smile, if he knew I was sick he’d come to my door with a bag full of healthy foods that made me feel better, he’d never forget a single detail that i love and made sure to plan for everything the way I love it, and he did everything to show me he was willing to change and to never lie again.

I believed him, and I can feel and see his love for me (if he is not lying about it).

The lies stopped, but then a couple of months ago I found a text in his phone to an escort, she did not reply, but his search history was full of all evidence that he has been looking. Just months before that I found emails from escort websites that he registered at, and he swore that it was his younger brother using his email. For the message incident, he was shaking and swearing that he can explain, he said it was his cousin because he couldn’t access those websites from his own phone. I left him with no answer but he did everything to make me feel I was unreasonable and I just cannot really know whether or not it is true.

If I was to believe his actions and feelings, I’d say biggest fear is losing me. He would never try to control me or even get angry at me or raise his voice at me at all. I would have never questioned him if I had not seen his lies, he is literally a man any girl would dream of because he is extremely gentle, or am I just being to emotional, I really do not know. He got a job and has been very hard working and even got promoted this month. He proposed to me, and I asked him for more time, he said he understands because he messed up a lot and it is his job to fix it all and that he will wait until I was ready to take that step.

I love him, I really do, but sometimes I feel like this love was broken so much. I never trust him, I always hear him and think “that may be a lie so don’t fully believe it” even in the silliest things. I never had a chance to trust him, and I always question him like crazy, I am always praying that he does something else so that I can walk away fully this time because I keep feeling sorry for him when he cries and I tell him I am not leaving him.

I am just lost and trapped, I look at him and I see all the nice days we spent together, all the memories, the laughs… I laugh with him the most, I feel happy and safe, but once I go home I start thinking about his lies and whether or not he is lying ot cheating.

Everyday I go between wanting to end it and wanting to stay, but I am ashamed to be with him and nobody with my friends know because they think I broke up with him already after what he did. I just don’t know what to do and how to deal with this mess…

Could there be any more 🚩 red flags? Run. Change your number. Do not engage at all. He’s likely to up the ante to get a response (wouldn’t be surprised even making threats to harm you or him) but this is NOT love. You’re young. He probably has a long history of treating women this way. You’re just the latest victim. End contact. Walk away and keep yourself busy. Do NOT contact him again.

smallsilvercloud · 12/04/2025 20:53

Move on from him and Forgive yourself and see it as a lesson learnt not to give yourself to a liar.
what would you think if someone you cared about was being treated like this? Don’t do it to yourself.
It’s painful ending a relationship but he really isn’t a big loss.

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