Hello everyone, this is gonna be a long one, sorry. I really don’t know where to start... I was researching and I came across this website and decided to share what I’ve been going through because I cannot share this with anyone I know…
So, I (f27) have been with my bf for one year, more precisely I have known him for one year because we broke up a lot during this year. He started lying to me the minute he entered my life, and I am saying that literally.
His first lie was the day he introduced himself to me, and that lie lasted for a month before I found out. He lied about his job, he said he was working in construction when in fact he had been fired.
He went all the way to proving he was at work every single day for a whole month (e.g. “my colleagues are making fun of me rn saying that I look too happy”, “my boss is fed up with the breaks I take to talk to you”, “this is a picture of me rn, my colleague took it whilst I am texting you, look how happy I am”…), not to mention that he’d go everyday to a noisy area to talk to me on the phone in his “break time” to make me believe he’s at work. The sheer amount of work pictures he sent, when they were all taken ages ago before talking to me.
I eventually found out, I confronted him and he denied, but then admitted and said he felt ashamed to not be working when I was a very successful woman. He got all emotional and silent and made me feel unreasonable so I calmed myself down and swallowed my anger for a week before breaking up with him on the phone and blocking him. He reached out from another number and was very upset and angry at me, I told my brother and we dealt with it.
A while after he reached out and was apologising and did everything to make me believe he was sincere. I was dumb enough to take him back, because “I love him”…
The lies did not stop. I found out more VERY DETAILED lies and broke up with him, then woke up next morning to a SOS message saying he was in an accident. I had just woken up and couldn’t comprehend anything, I got so scared that he may have done something to himself because of me and called him sobbing. He was calm and said he was unable to sleep last night and got in a fight and that may hace triggered the SOS message (????)
Ofc, I washed my face and looked at the message again, it was fake. I confronted him and he admitted after denying and said “cz I love you, I cannot just lose you”, broke up again, then he was at my door again, and so on.
There was many more lies in between, but then I happened to move to the city where he lives for my masters, and I was closer so he took opportunity to win my heart back.
Not gonna lie, he is the sweetest and most charming man I’ve even known, he would go up and beyond to see me smile, if he knew I was sick he’d come to my door with a bag full of healthy foods that made me feel better, he’d never forget a single detail that i love and made sure to plan for everything the way I love it, and he did everything to show me he was willing to change and to never lie again.
I believed him, and I can feel and see his love for me (if he is not lying about it).
The lies stopped, but then a couple of months ago I found a text in his phone to an escort, she did not reply, but his search history was full of all evidence that he has been looking. Just months before that I found emails from escort websites that he registered at, and he swore that it was his younger brother using his email. For the message incident, he was shaking and swearing that he can explain, he said it was his cousin because he couldn’t access those websites from his own phone. I left him with no answer but he did everything to make me feel I was unreasonable and I just cannot really know whether or not it is true.
If I was to believe his actions and feelings, I’d say biggest fear is losing me. He would never try to control me or even get angry at me or raise his voice at me at all. I would have never questioned him if I had not seen his lies, he is literally a man any girl would dream of because he is extremely gentle, or am I just being to emotional, I really do not know. He got a job and has been very hard working and even got promoted this month. He proposed to me, and I asked him for more time, he said he understands because he messed up a lot and it is his job to fix it all and that he will wait until I was ready to take that step.
I love him, I really do, but sometimes I feel like this love was broken so much. I never trust him, I always hear him and think “that may be a lie so don’t fully believe it” even in the silliest things. I never had a chance to trust him, and I always question him like crazy, I am always praying that he does something else so that I can walk away fully this time because I keep feeling sorry for him when he cries and I tell him I am not leaving him.
I am just lost and trapped, I look at him and I see all the nice days we spent together, all the memories, the laughs… I laugh with him the most, I feel happy and safe, but once I go home I start thinking about his lies and whether or not he is lying ot cheating.
Everyday I go between wanting to end it and wanting to stay, but I am ashamed to be with him and nobody with my friends know because they think I broke up with him already after what he did. I just don’t know what to do and how to deal with this mess…