How do you know you're loved?

[Bettei]

I got into a discussion with my DP last night and it always surprises me what he needs from a relationship to feel loved in comparison to my own needs.

What does your SO do to make you feel loved?

He literally tells me every day.

We have a policy of always greeting each other in the morning with a hug and asking how we slept (mostly me, I suffer horribly from insomnia). We hug, kiss and tell each other we love each other.

We consistently choose to treat each other with respect.

Bettei. This is super sweet!

Surf2live, I feel bad you suffer with insomnia. It can impact relationships badly. I suffered for years with it but was put on medication and never been better for it !

That the person cares about your happiness and health, that they appreciate your personality and accept differences or flaws, that they want you to care about them, that they want to share the things they like with you, that they listen to your opinions.

Since I met him 4 years ago, I have felt a though I have a big warm blanket around me. I have never felt that before and I was 50 when I met him.

When I’m ill, which seems to be often these days ( thanks peri) he unquestionably does everything and doesn’t complain. Even after a whole weekend juggling young kids he checks in to ask what I need regularly.

It's the little things. If we are both eating some snacks that we love, he'll always give me the last morsel. When I go to the bathroom at night and come back to bed, he'll hug me and rub me to make me warm. He kisses me every morning before he goes to work while I'm still half asleep. And he tolerates my family who can sometimes be difficult and treat them with respect and love. He'd do things like carry heavy things for my mom and dad, make sure my mom know she is welcomed anytime after my dad died, etc.

He tells me, he is always affectionate, hugs, blowing kisses, touching when he walks past, waving from across the room, regular sex, being thoughtful. You just know.

Well, contrary to the first poster, DH tells me he loves me all the time to the point I don’t even hear it anymore. Loses its meaning somewhat although of course it’s always baseline nice!

What helps me feel loved is when he speaks my love language. Which I know sounds very wanky indeed but we have found it to be so true throughout our relationship. DH’s love language is, guess what? Words of affirmation and physical touch. Hence he is always telling me he loves me. So he likes to receive that, so even though my LL is acts of service, I need to give him words of affirmation and physical touch. Likewise, DH does so much for me because I like acts of service 👸🏼

Also, he is SO supportive. I’ve changed career lately, from being a SAHM, and even before we had kids, everything has been a ‘yes’, everything has been a ‘go for it!’. He moves heaven and earth to support me (ok well not heaven and earth, but moves his work hours around to the extent that he only travels in school holidays and is free for school pick up 4 nights a week).

My late husband used to ask me: "Have I told you I love you today?"

Other times he'd say "The last thing I want to see on this earth is your bonny face looking at me." [I'm not bonny.]

Mainly, it was the things that he did. I got home from a day op one time. He told me to sit down on the couch and left the living room.

He came back with a cup of tea for me. He'd had a stroke and had hemiparesis. The effort that it must have cost him to do that...

When he dashed out to the pharmacy at 9pm on a freezing cold night to fetch me a Canesten tablet when I was in tears of discomfort.

I know it sounds cliched, but I agree with @pearbottomjeans about love languages. Mine are words and touch whereas DH's are acts of service and quality time together. So we have learnt to "speak each other's languages" and express our love in the way that makes the other person feel loved even though it doesn't always come naturally.

Sometimes I have a hard time with family, and he automatically hugs me and tells me ‘we love you’.
(That’s just one thing, there are lots.)

That is so so lovely and must have meant so much

It did, thank you.

It's been so lovely reading these, thanks all ❤️

thank you

may I ask, what is the medication you use for insomnia?

I've had it all my life, from my earliest memories I know I've had difficulty staying asleep through the night

So heart warming to read these lovely posts.

He always has my back and is there for me. He is supportive if I'm struggling. He 'sees me' as a human being, he holds space for me. He is patient and kind. He shows his love every day by his behaviour towards me.

He tells me every day, gives hugs and is physically close every day, desires intimacy, brings me a gorgeous cuppa first thing every morning in my favourite mug (that he bought me), buys me treats, tells me I'm beautiful still even though Ive lost my looks and my figure. I'm so lucky to have him....24 years and counting.

One of the early on times he stayed at my house, he sent me up to bed while he did all the dog out/dishwasher on/lights off stuff. (Used to drive me mental that my xh could just get up and say he was going to bed and leave without ever thinking about that shit.)

He comes home from a food shop with a WholeNut, or he’ll wait at the door to carry the shopping in after I’ve done it (I have health issues that make it harder).
He’s also been by my side through the shittest times, he goes out of his way to make my life better and he’s my biggest supporter. You know when you feel so insecure and low on yourself and you have someone that brings you right back up? That’s my husband. I really am lucky to have him.

He gets into bed first on my side to warm it up so I don’t have to get into cold sheets

He always notices when the petrol is getting low and nips out to fill up the car so I don’t have to deal with it in the morning on my way to work. It’s like having a petrol fairy

Last week he was on his way to a meeting in another city by train and I realised I was very unwell when he called to see if I had got up ok. When I said I felt rubbish he got off the train, cancelled his meetings, got a taxi back home. Called at the GP to get me an appointment, then came home and looked after me.

We get each other and we know what the other wants or needs by instinct

I think just respecting someone's independence, choices and opinions. The constant "I love you" stuff is rendered meaningless by repetition, and is too sentimental for my taste.
And none of us reallly know, do we? We have all seen how things can change so quickly in people's lives, so I would never want to risk being a Smug Married!