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Original poster

How do you know you're loved?

46 replies

Bettei · 08/04/2025 07:02

I got into a discussion with my DP last night and it always surprises me what he needs from a relationship to feel loved in comparison to my own needs.

What does your SO do to make you feel loved?

OP posts:
YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 09/04/2025 22:30

Tearing up at these! So lovely! I don't know I'm loved and I wish I did. Such nice relationships out there!

zeibesaffron · 09/04/2025 22:45

My DH is a practical person so its things like washing my car, putting petrol in when it is low, walking my little dog when I am tired, making me breakfast in bed on a sat - with a lovely cup of earl grey tea.

He buys me flowers every month without fail and tells me I am the most beautiful lady in the world (I am 51 and a size 18!!). He is my biggest advocate and my best friend.

He makes me feel secure and loved.

DH enjoys DIY, drawing and painting- he enjoys space and time to do these things which I give him. I go to the local farm shop on a Fri and buy him his favourite pastry and tell him I love him and to be careful- before he goes to work everyday. I tell him the things he does that I appreciate or make me smile.

RosesAndHellebores · 09/04/2025 22:55

He's still by my side and has been loyal for more than 35 years counts for a lot.

However, every night before he goes to sleep he reaches for my hand and tells me. Every morning when he wakes up he tells me again. He also makes sure my water bottle isn't empty when he comes to bed.

I make him bacon sandwiches at the weekends and arrange all the practical things to make his life tickety boo.

Alifeforliving · 09/04/2025 22:59

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has been identified in real life, so we've agreed to take this down.

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 09/04/2025 23:07
  • Puts petrol in the car so when I get in and think I need to fill it it’s been done.
  • walks out to the back gate with me in a morning, unlocks it and waves me off.
  • tea in bed on a Saturday
  • encourages me to see friends more
  • gets tickets for gigs, theatre etc
  • if I’m late home from work he’ll have started making dinner
  • encourages me to be creative
  • Helps me to laugh at myself & himself. Keeps life light
  • Makes time for my family who are a bit tricky at times.
  • puts me & the kids before everything but so do I either him. It means we both have a lot of freedom to be ourselves.
  • best until last, he doesn’t react when I’m arsey, he lets it pass. This has been so helpful in peri. I try not to be but always so grateful when he’s so forgiving.
NotLegallyBlonde · 09/04/2025 23:08

mini124 · 08/04/2025 09:18

Surf2live, I feel bad you suffer with insomnia. It can impact relationships badly. I suffered for years with it but was put on medication and never been better for it !

Hi… would you be willing to say the name of the medication you have been given?
id like to see if there’s any possibility of it being prescribed to me…
tia

jujiju · 09/04/2025 23:11

I would love to have what you have and it’s lovely to know loving partners are out there.
My kids and I tell each other we love each other, but I don’t have a SO to tell me that.

chillibuns · 09/04/2025 23:15

Where to start… he’s probably the most emotionally mature person I’ve ever met. We’re a team and get through all the challenges that life brings, together. He’s my best friend and the voice of reason.
He’s pretty much always up before me in the morning and will bring me a cuppa in bed.
We hug loads and I love that the kids see that. They often come and join in for a snuggle. Sometimes when he’s getting undressed he kicks his pants in my face 😂 probably sounds gross to some but it’s funny and I laugh every time.
I’d be lost without him.

BearyNiceEars · 09/04/2025 23:18

He accepts me for exactly who I am.

He says it occasionally but shows it daily with his thoughtfulness, things like picking me up a specific treat that I like, making a brew even though he doesn’t drink tea, puts up with my choice of tv, or making dinner on ‘my’ night because he can see I’m exhausted.

lostinthesunshine · 09/04/2025 23:50

WearyAuldWumman · 08/04/2025 18:15

My late husband used to ask me: "Have I told you I love you today?"

Other times he'd say "The last thing I want to see on this earth is your bonny face looking at me." [I'm not bonny.]

Mainly, it was the things that he did. I got home from a day op one time. He told me to sit down on the couch and left the living room.

He came back with a cup of tea for me. He'd had a stroke and had hemiparesis. The effort that it must have cost him to do that...

Show quote history

This made me cry, in a nice way.

NameChangedOfc · 09/04/2025 23:53

pearbottomjeans · 08/04/2025 18:09

Well, contrary to the first poster, DH tells me he loves me all the time to the point I don’t even hear it anymore. Loses its meaning somewhat although of course it’s always baseline nice!

What helps me feel loved is when he speaks my love language. Which I know sounds very wanky indeed but we have found it to be so true throughout our relationship. DH’s love language is, guess what? Words of affirmation and physical touch. Hence he is always telling me he loves me. So he likes to receive that, so even though my LL is acts of service, I need to give him words of affirmation and physical touch. Likewise, DH does so much for me because I like acts of service 👸🏼

Also, he is SO supportive. I’ve changed career lately, from being a SAHM, and even before we had kids, everything has been a ‘yes’, everything has been a ‘go for it!’. He moves heaven and earth to support me (ok well not heaven and earth, but moves his work hours around to the extent that he only travels in school holidays and is free for school pick up 4 nights a week).

Edited

I very much relate to this 🥰

Crushed23 · 10/04/2025 00:05

I feel loved when I am given space to be myself, when someone supports my dreams and truly wants me to succeed and find happiness on my terms.

Crushed23 · 10/04/2025 00:21

Cynic17 · 09/04/2025 22:29

I think just respecting someone's independence, choices and opinions. The constant "I love you" stuff is rendered meaningless by repetition, and is too sentimental for my taste.
And none of us reallly know, do we? We have all seen how things can change so quickly in people's lives, so I would never want to risk being a Smug Married!

You said it better than me in the first part of your post. I also don’t need to hear “I love you” (especially as I’m no good at saying it myself) but I do need space to be myself and not be consumed by the relationship.

Masmavi · 10/04/2025 00:36

DuskyPink1984 · 08/04/2025 09:24

Since I met him 4 years ago, I have felt a though I have a big warm blanket around me. I have never felt that before and I was 50 when I met him.

This is beautiful ❤️

mini124 · 10/04/2025 06:40

NotlegallyBlonde, the name of the medication is called Amitripline, it’s actually an auntidepressant which relaxes the nerves in the body. I take 20 milligrams at 6 pm, I am asleep by 10 pm. I wake up refreshed. Don’t tell the gp you need it for sleep. I got it because when I don’t sleep, I suffer with aches in my legs and low mood due to lack of sleep which have stopped because I take the medication. It works differently on everyone, some people feel groggy from it but it take time. Good luck & let me know if you manage to get it.

Mollyboboff · 10/04/2025 06:46

I feel safe around him and he's always got my back . We argue rarely , and he makes all the drinks ( teas / coffees in the house )
Best of all , he puts out the bins ! 😂😂

SaraSosej · 10/04/2025 07:16

Brings me a coffee every morning, gives me morning hugs, tell me he loves me. looks after me and cares. Is interested in me, enjoys my company and loves doing things together. Makes me feel like I am a priority.

Crochetmum83 · 10/04/2025 16:58

I don't mean to come across as a "smug married" as a pp alluded to but I am proud of my relationship and am not going to play that down on an anonymous forum. We have overcome so much and faced a lot of adversity in our marriage which could have broken us but every day we have chosen to keep working at 'us'. We have a disabled child and a neurodivergent child and they are the centre of our universe but the challenges of their disabilities are huge. There is much research out there which shows how much pressure these challenges tend to put on marriages and how divorce rates tend to be hgiher for parents of disabled children. There isn't much else for me to be proud of in my life; my 'career' has taken a beating due to caring responsibilities, we have less income for the same reason, and we can't bask in the reflected glory of our children's acomplishments like some parents can because it is unlikely that one or possibly both children will even live independently, let alone be "successful".

The other thing he does that pp have mentioned is filling the car up with petrol for me and sometimes hiding emergency chocolate stashes around the house for when we are desperate! He cleans my shoes and does the ironing. He dresses so well and is a handsome husband. I am proud of him.

I do all the cooking, shopping, cleaning and gardening for us. I give him time to hit the gym twice a week and also to clean his car every weekend, which makes him very happy.

ChiaraRimini · 10/04/2025 17:02

DuskyPink1984 · 08/04/2025 09:24

Since I met him 4 years ago, I have felt a though I have a big warm blanket around me. I have never felt that before and I was 50 when I met him.

This is so lovely, I hope one day to have this!
I just met someone wonderful and he saved his last piece of halloumi for me at brunch the other day as I mentioned I love it. I think he could be a keeper!

DuskyPink1984 · 10/04/2025 19:40

ChiaraRimini · 10/04/2025 17:02

This is so lovely, I hope one day to have this!
I just met someone wonderful and he saved his last piece of halloumi for me at brunch the other day as I mentioned I love it. I think he could be a keeper!

Show quote history

That’s so sweet! He sounds lovely. :)

gamerchick · 10/04/2025 20:11

He's a feeder. He likes faffing around in the kitchen and making sure we're fed. Is a first bite is with the eyes type. I'm a strict tracker, food is fuel type so have to remember to make the right amount of yummy noises while mentally calculating the protein in it 😅

I do stuff like make him sausages and mash with peas, but make them into a hedgehog on a plate with peas for eyes. He's not impressed like.

He's the most patient, indulgent man who makes me feel safe. That's all I need Grin

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