Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is this a red flag?

36 replies

athenaswrath · 07/04/2025 09:35

Hi, just need some advice.

Soo I’ve learnt a lot from previous relationships and I just now find a red flag in everything I just can’t help it. I straight away think that’s not normal or not right. Could be bad I suppose as somethings may actually be genuine but yeah because of my past I’m just extremely cautious and I kind of nit pick at everything 🙈 suppose that’s what happens when men have let you down and disappointed you in the past.

So I’ve been talking just casually with a bloke I used to go to school with since last year it’s just normal general chit chat nothing sexual he don’t message me every day or even every week just now and then, anyways Saturday he messaged and it was the normal ‘hey how are you’ ‘what you been up too’ ‘what’s your weekend plans’ kind of chat then out of the blue he says ‘I hope this doesn’t make you feel uncomfortable but could I sometime take you out for dinner’ I was shocked as didn’t expect it but I agreed have no idea when I’ll have time mind as I have 4 children 😂 did explain this to him and he was fine. Anyways he then says here’s my number message me on WhatsApp as I don’t always get messenger notifications I said ok, so we started talking on WhatsApp anyways yesterday I messaged and said ‘hey how are you?’ He never read it and even now it’s still unread, he don’t have a picture on WhatsApp either and sometimes that can be because they haven’t saved your number. I don’t know why I just feel there’s something wrong here surely no one doesn’t use their phone for that long… plus I’m thinking is he with someone or seeing someone which is why maybe he hasn’t saved my number? I don’t know I just really overthink things because of the past car crashes I’ve had with men. I mean it could be nothing maybe he’s not on his phone but yeah? What does everyone else think about this?

OP posts:
Sofiewoo · 07/04/2025 09:37

You can be on your phone and not want to reply right away.

Original poster
athenaswrath · 07/04/2025 09:39

This is true. I don’t know maybe I’m over thinking.

OP posts:
littlemisssunshine247 · 07/04/2025 09:42

He’s literally just asked you out for dinner. You haven’t set any date or time yet and you’re not in a relationship. Yet you’re overthinking already. I mean this kindly when I say - you’re the red flag at the moment. Take a step back. If he’s interested he’ll message back. But the infrequency of his messages to date suggest he’s not that serious about building something.

Original poster
athenaswrath · 07/04/2025 09:47

Ok. I over think because of ignoring things before and ended up in messes for relationships. My previous relationships have made me over think things. Just wanted to ask others that’s all.

OP posts:
EdithBond · 07/04/2025 09:48

When exactly did he invite you to dinner? And what exactly did you say in response? Are you interested in him in a romantic way or just as friends? Do you have time to go on dates?

As he asked you to dinner so politely and directly, if you indicated you may not have time because of the DC, he may feel either don’t have time for a relationship or you’re not that keen on him. So, he may have lost interest or be playing it cool with you.

If you’re worried he’s in a relationship, have you directly asked him about this? Not just if he’s in a relationship, but where he lives. Does he live alone? Some people may say they’re single but still be living with someone.

Original poster
athenaswrath · 07/04/2025 09:58

Saturday he invited me, I said yeah ok but also explained that I would have to sort baby sitter as o don’t always get free time. He was fine with that. Yes there’s a little interest in him romantically but it would be nice to spend an evening with him and see if there is a connection as you can’t really get that from messages as such I feel. I do have time to go on dates but have to plan it in advance. He has his own place and works and I believe from what he says he lives alone just had his son most weekends. I have asked him when his last relationship was and he said two years ago.

OP posts:
Original poster
athenaswrath · 10/04/2025 09:49

So in the end he read my message over 24 hours later and didn’t reply to me 😂 left me on read.

OP posts:
AnotherNaCha · 10/04/2025 10:05

I think a great guide to something being off is feeling the need to write a huge mumsnet post about it. Speaking from personal experience

Original poster
athenaswrath · 13/04/2025 11:21

AnotherNaCha · 10/04/2025 10:05

I think a great guide to something being off is feeling the need to write a huge mumsnet post about it. Speaking from personal experience

Sorry I thought I would ask people for their opinion on this because I felt it was odd.

P.s thank you for taking the time out of your day though reply an unnecessary comment when you could of just not in the first place 😊

OP posts:
Workoutrage · 13/04/2025 11:36

athenaswrath · 10/04/2025 09:49

So in the end he read my message over 24 hours later and didn’t reply to me 😂 left me on read.

Yeah definitely a red flag - why go to the bother of asking you to contact him on WhatsApp and then read but ignore your message.

Original poster
athenaswrath · 13/04/2025 11:37

Exactly. Went from asking me on a date, to swapping numbers to then ignoring the next day. Just weird.

OP posts:
Cam1981 · 13/04/2025 11:43

athenaswrath · 13/04/2025 11:37

Exactly. Went from asking me on a date, to swapping numbers to then ignoring the next day. Just weird.

But you said you have no romantic interest so why are you bothered

Original poster
athenaswrath · 13/04/2025 11:44

Haven’t said that. I said a little interest. Just don’t get the point of asking me out for dinner to then just ghost me.

OP posts:
SquashedMallow · 13/04/2025 11:47

No red flags stand out there. I think the way he asked you out was lovely actually. Not sickly sweet OTT (which is a red flag for me) but not crude or low effort either.

I think you're being the red flag by seeing nob existent red flags ! Sorry !

Original poster
athenaswrath · 13/04/2025 11:47

Ok.

OP posts:
MoominMai · 13/04/2025 11:55

I mean it could potentially be a red flag as there seems to be a blowing hot and coldness here in terms of the messages not being regular. Personally I would arrange a call first just to chat to him and find out a little more and see if there’s a connection there. You’re a busy mum and arranging time for a full out dinner date is not the easiest thing to just arrange on a whim so yeah I’d say do your homework first if you’re in doubt!

offmynut · 13/04/2025 12:43

This is mumsnet everything is a red flag.

AnotherNaCha · 13/04/2025 13:29

athenaswrath · 13/04/2025 11:21

Sorry I thought I would ask people for their opinion on this because I felt it was odd.

P.s thank you for taking the time out of your day though reply an unnecessary comment when you could of just not in the first place 😊

Show quote history

Yeah I could have just not, but took the time to write to you saying IME, if I’ve felt the need to post on mumsnet about it then YES it has been a red flag, as if my gut knew. Jeez.

And guess it was correct for you too if a few weeks later you’re still on read

Original poster
athenaswrath · 13/04/2025 13:47

@AnotherNaChawell thanks for your comment. So helpful. 👍🏻

OP posts:
Newname25 · 13/04/2025 14:00

Did he ever reply? Would it be possible he doesn't have WhatsApp?

Shubbypubby · 13/04/2025 14:03

I think it’s a bit off of him to step things up a notch by asking you out then leaving you on read for ages. It doesn’t seem a logical way to me of showing real intention to set up a date. Probably has other women he messages, which isn’t wrong in itself as he’s single but does say he’s probably not that bothered or perhaps has someone else he’s more interested in and you’re an option. Personally I’d bin him off but I suppose you could wait it out to see if he replies. Definitely don’t message him again.

Bumblebeestiltskin · 13/04/2025 16:27

athenaswrath · 13/04/2025 13:47

@AnotherNaChawell thanks for your comment. So helpful. 👍🏻

You totally misread what @AnotherNaCha meant and have been pretty rude.

Maybe your message to him was in the same vein, and that's why he's ghosted you 😂

Original poster
athenaswrath · 13/04/2025 22:58

Newname25 · 13/04/2025 14:00

Did he ever reply? Would it be possible he doesn't have WhatsApp?

He didn’t reply just ghosted me.

OP posts:
Original poster
athenaswrath · 13/04/2025 22:59

Shubbypubby · 13/04/2025 14:03

I think it’s a bit off of him to step things up a notch by asking you out then leaving you on read for ages. It doesn’t seem a logical way to me of showing real intention to set up a date. Probably has other women he messages, which isn’t wrong in itself as he’s single but does say he’s probably not that bothered or perhaps has someone else he’s more interested in and you’re an option. Personally I’d bin him off but I suppose you could wait it out to see if he replies. Definitely don’t message him again.

I haven’t messaged him again I just deleted his number.

OP posts:
Original poster
athenaswrath · 13/04/2025 23:00

@Bumblebeestiltskin ok if I’ve read it wrong then did you want to explain it?

again that last bit of your comment not needed. 👍🏻😊

OP posts: