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Relationships

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Original poster

If you could chose, what would your choice be..

35 replies

MascaraOHara · 15/05/2008 14:24

If you had the following two options, what choice would you make

A) Having your future mapped out for you, a life with a simple man, set in his ways but who you know inside out, would love your kid(s) as their own. A big house, no mortgage, comfortable lifestyle, would never see you go without or struggle. Complete stability. Yet knowing that you'll never move or be with anyone else etc

B) Being on your own, financially stable with your own modest home, raising your child(ren) and not knowing what was round the corner or where life may take you next

which would you chose and how much would your feelings for the man play a part in that?

OP posts:

luckylady74 · 15/05/2008 14:29

Having my future mapped out to some extent sounds appealing - you can always tweak the details after all. I think a lot of stress stems from money worries and so that is appealing too.
Doesn't really matter though - if you love this man deeply and your children accept him(I assume that's the situation?) then go for it, but if you don't then wait.
Is it about relishing your independence? I do that despite being a sahm with no income of my own - it's a state of mind!

pixiepip · 15/05/2008 14:30

Your feelings for that man are the only thing that matters- anything else is irrelevant. Guess if you have to ask this question, your heart is not as involved as it could be- otherwise you'd know the answer. if he is MR RIGHT why would you even WANT to be with anyone else- ever?

Do NOT stay with someone just because they offer security and money - it's a recipe for unhappiness if you do not really love them.

arabella2 · 15/05/2008 14:30

If I loved the simple man then the former. If I didn't then definitely the latter. I suppose it is just difficult sometimes to know if you actually do love someone or not and you may only find out after they are no longer in your life.

mrsruffallo · 15/05/2008 14:31

I'd go for A. Love grows and security is a good base to work from.
Nothing wrong with taking all of these things into consideration.
If he is a good person, kind and treats you well then I think that A. is definitely the right choice.

PrettyCandles · 15/05/2008 14:31

If A included each of you having passionate feelings for each other - I don't mean just sex, but caring and interest, then yes I would go for A. But if the relationship was fairly cool or totally placid then A would not be enough for me and I would choose B.

madamez · 15/05/2008 14:33

Niether, thanks. Having a man as a live-in appliance is niether compulsory nor necessary.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 15/05/2008 15:03

Am I in love with him? If yes, then A. If it's just about stability, then B.

Cappuccino · 15/05/2008 15:08

I might be reading between the lines but I think you're looking at B, aren't you?

StrangeTown · 15/05/2008 15:10

A is fine except your last sentence - do you want to move or be with someone else?

CountessDracula · 15/05/2008 15:12

It would depend how I felt about A

If I thought he was the one then that would be fine

Why would your life have to be mapped out?
Surely if you and A were a partnership you could make life-changing decisions together

noddyholder · 15/05/2008 15:12

b I think it is an insult to teh other person to 'settle' and would hate to think someone had settled for me no matter how attractive and easy that option seemed.The other person deserves to find someone who really loves them and doesn't see and use them like a security blanket

VacantlyPretty · 15/05/2008 15:14

Message withdrawn

zippitippitoes · 15/05/2008 15:14

a is phrased to make it sound like you would blowb your brains out from boredom

and suffocate your smug partner first

HappyWoman · 15/05/2008 15:14

A is not a proper option a life is never mapped out - sure there may not be money worries but what about health issues and unexpected accidents ect.
You make A sound boring actually - but if you love him then its a good starting point.

B sounds less materialistic but not so poor as to miss out too much.

Having gone through a couple of really bad years i would not give my independance toatally again ever. But that is not to say you cannot be in a partnership with A.

Is that any help i think i have confused myself .

Tortington · 15/05/2008 15:14

if i didn't love A there wouldnt be much point to being there

TattooedGrrrl · 15/05/2008 15:20

i'd hate them both

Paddlechick666 · 15/05/2008 15:21

B unless I truly loved the guy involved.

In fact, perfect scenario would be B with a live out stud muffin boyfriend.

expatinscotland · 15/05/2008 15:21

JodieG1 · 15/05/2008 15:27

A does sound boring.

Original poster

MascaraOHara · 15/05/2008 15:50

To clarify, I'm not thinking of leaving scenario 'A' for scenario 'B'.

I am already living 'B' I guess

OP posts:

Disenchanted · 15/05/2008 15:52

A, if I loved him.

suzywong · 15/05/2008 15:56

the rest of the world hopes and prays for that, it is only us in the Liberated West that even has the glimmer of an alternative that believes the grass would be greener

look,we are all going to be infirm and old and incontinent at some stage and a steadfast partner and stability may counter-act that. IYSWIM.

Cappuccino · 15/05/2008 15:59

if you love him

or if you think you can love him

or most importantly - above EVERYTHING - that he makes you laugh

LittleBella · 15/05/2008 16:00

Well without love, A would be pointless.

SW you have a point of course, but I think it's one of the great achievements of Western culture, that we have that glimmer. It's something to be cherished.

AMAZINWOMAN · 15/05/2008 17:33

How would you feel if you chose option one, something awful happened to him and you had to be his full time carer?

And feeling that you may meet "the one" any day, but you were stuck with number one.

I personally would choose option two.

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