Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2

Original poster

If you could chose, what would your choice be..

35 replies

MascaraOHara · 15/05/2008 14:24

If you had the following two options, what choice would you make

A) Having your future mapped out for you, a life with a simple man, set in his ways but who you know inside out, would love your kid(s) as their own. A big house, no mortgage, comfortable lifestyle, would never see you go without or struggle. Complete stability. Yet knowing that you'll never move or be with anyone else etc

B) Being on your own, financially stable with your own modest home, raising your child(ren) and not knowing what was round the corner or where life may take you next

which would you chose and how much would your feelings for the man play a part in that?

OP posts:

lou33 · 15/05/2008 17:36

option b

shreddies · 15/05/2008 17:46

B, no question. You're talking about the rest of your life, that's a long time if you're not TOTALLY sure about the man in scenario A

Blu · 15/05/2008 17:51

My feelings for the man would be the beginning and end of it. If I wanted to be with him and I could, I would.

If I didn't I wouldn't even begin to think about lack of mortgage etc etc. Not when Option B includes being financially stable and having own home.

My feelings for the big house, no mortgage would be nopart of the decision making at all.

leoleo · 15/05/2008 17:52

If I felt happy day to day with man in a and we had a nice time together when we were alone then a.
I think a and b sound similar anyway. - sometimes you fall out of love and then start loving again.
Although the comment about being his full time carer is a important one.. So now i am thinking i don't know.
I hate struggling for money and worrying etc so my inclination is a.

leoleo · 15/05/2008 17:53

Just re read that you would have your own home in b. I have changed my mind.. I think

Janos · 15/05/2008 17:57

Hmmm, my instinctual response would be to go for B.

madamez · 15/05/2008 20:53

If you already have, or want to have children, it's not a bad idea to look for a partner who is nice, kind and financially competetent. He doesn't have to be rich but what you don't want is a man who spunks his money on plasma screen TVs when you're behind with the rent (or one who controls the money to keep you under control). ROmantic love is all very well but all too often the 'romantic' partner is not much use for day to day living and the 'exciting' one is an arse.

ByTheSea · 15/05/2008 20:59

If I'm in love with the man and totally want to spend my life with him, then A. If not, then B.

ActingNormal · 15/05/2008 21:54

I know a girl who sort of did A and it was fine til she met someone she found sexually attractive (she never really found DH attractive but he 'rescued' her when she was in a desperate situation). She cheated on him and felt awful about it and it made her resentful of her DH when she compared the two. She can't 'motivate' herself to give her DH any physical closeness and is making him unhappy and feeling awful about it. Also resentful of what she could be missing out on. So they are both unhappy

MsHighwater · 15/05/2008 22:58

If, on entering a relationship with someone, you think of being with them forever as "you'll never...be with anyone else" as though that is something to regret, then he is probably not the person you should set out to spend the rest of your life with.

You, and he, deserve better than that, surely.

Flip

1 2