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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Lost myself.. should I end things?

41 replies

nothappy268 · 07/04/2025 02:23

Hi, I've been seeing a guy for around 6 months. Everything was good at the start. Had a bit of drama with his ex (has children) but I was happy.

Now I've completely lost myself and my confidence is at rock bottom. He lives with me Sunday-Friday and has children on the weekends so I understand him not contacting me much.

he leaves early morning for work and stays at the pub until around 9-10 most nights and comes back for a bath and has his tea. Then time for bed.. he regularly ignores my calls and seems to only contact me if he needs something.

we used to go out but now cancels last minute, no more talk of meeting friends and family etc.

i am putting him before myself and making him a priority when he seems to have no respect and I'm clearly not on his priority list.

im shocked at what I've been willing to put up with/accept. I need to work on myself as I was not like this before and in previous relationships.

any advice would be appreciated as I'm going to try to end things as I'm really unhappy.

OP posts:

Crushed23 · 07/04/2025 03:33

He lives with you 5 nights a week after 6 months together? And he’s in the pub ignoring you till 10pm and just comes home for dinner and bed? Does he pay rent? Where does he stay when he has his kids at the weekend?

This post epitomises the MN favourite “no one falls in love quicker than a man who needs somewhere to live”.

You need to kick him out ASAP and start working on your self-esteem - perhaps through therapy.

ChaToilLeam · 07/04/2025 03:36

Well, he got his feet under the table fast, didn’t he?

You have a cocklodger. He’s a bloody chancer. Boot him out.

Tbrh · 07/04/2025 04:31

Omg. Dump him!

GeorgeMichaelsMicStand · 07/04/2025 05:41

Without meaning to sound harsh are you that desperate for a relationship that you’re willing to put up with part time waste of space who ignores you? Please think more highly of yourself and what you deserve. End this relationship quickly. Good luck :))

FlamboyantlyIncognito · 07/04/2025 05:50

It doesn't feel like a sound basis for a good long term relationship (from what you've written). Totally one-sided (in his favour)..... Unless you like making dinner at 10pm at night for someone whom ignores you? Got to be honest - think you need to work up the courage to say 'please go'.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 07/04/2025 06:37

Have a female friend or male relation with you when you end things. Pack up his things in bin bags and put those out. Change the locks too if this is your own home.

How is it that you allowed this to happen to you?. You need therapy and to love your own self for a change.

TwistedWonder · 07/04/2025 07:10

How on earth did you let this happen after only a few months?

He's using you as a free hotel with added sex - come on OP raise your bar out of the gutter and stop being a total doormat to this cocklodging CF.

He’s taking you for an absolute mug.

The only advice anyone can give you is end it, lick his freeloading arse out and find a fee crumbs of self respect.

Buttonknot · 07/04/2025 07:15

Definitely end it OP. He is taking the piss.

GreyCarpet · 07/04/2025 07:36

Yes, end it.

It's only been 6 months and you're living like you've been unhappily married for years and can no longer see the wood for the trees.

Remember the person you were 7 months ago? She's still there. Go and find her.

It's the start of spring. Time for new beginnings. You've only lost a bit of autumn and a winter to him so far. Don't lose your summer to him too!

Dery · 07/04/2025 07:37

You say everything was good at the start but you’re only 6 months in now - you’re still at the start. So this is what it’s like at the start. He’s no good. Get rid of him.

BlondeMummyto1 · 07/04/2025 07:38

It’s only been 6 months. End it.

pinkdelight · 07/04/2025 07:59

Absolutely end it, you know you have to do that and then invest some time finding yourself and working on how to not get sucked in by shit men again. This is an unequivocally terrible situation and should never have happened but the important thing now is to not let it go on a moment longer.

bettydavieseyes · 07/04/2025 08:02

This is crazy. No romance, no proper time together and you barely know each other. It's all about him. I'm sorry to say this but he's using you for sex and convenience. Zero effort, zero respect. LTB

Stirfries · 07/04/2025 08:04

End it, and don’t date again until you’ve figured out why this is all you think you’re worth. Even if he was the nicest man in the world why would you have moved him in so quickly?

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 07/04/2025 08:05

Throw him out op

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 07/04/2025 08:06

I would say that even if it's been six years

BlondeMummyto1 · 07/04/2025 08:06

I’ve woken up and read it properly now…

Pack his bags and message him to collect them. It’s over because there’s no relationship there to start with.

He is using you for a roof over his head, cooked meals and sex. Does he contribute towards the bills?
I’m guessing he doesn’t and of course he was lovely at the start.. He had to worm his way into your home. No man should be living with you at this very early stage.

Springtimefordaffs · 07/04/2025 08:54

At the moment it is 'only' sex, housekeeping, sex, cooking and sex. Wait till you have to look after the kids when he goes drinking.
Not recommended OP.

healthybychristmas · 07/04/2025 10:28

This man's photo should be in the dictionary next to the definition of cocklodger. Get rid of him!

FidosMum84 · 07/04/2025 16:25

Wow that’s classic cocklodger. What are you getting out of this transaction? Because he’s getting everything he needs so he’s no reason to change. Kick him out and get him to pay for and make his own tea and you’ll be far happier.
I ended a LTR that descended into this one night a week but getting there after 6 months is pretty quick. He’s done this before and will again to the next one.

Original poster

nothappy268 · 07/04/2025 16:27

Thank you for all your replies! I'm embarrassed with myself for putting up with this but definitely need to work on myself as I was never like this before or in any previous relationships. Also doesn't pay/contribute anything 🤦‍♀️

OP posts:

BlondeMummyto1 · 07/04/2025 16:53

nothappy268 · 07/04/2025 16:27

I thought he wouldn’t be paying anything. What a vile excuse of a man!! Dump his stuff outside and get him blocked.

Arlanymor · 07/04/2025 16:56

End it today - he's abusing your kindness and treating you like a doormat. Don't feel embarrassed, feel angry - get your strength together and give him a deadline to get out. Don't let him talk you around. You will get through and past this and have a happier future.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 07/04/2025 17:00

'This isn't working for me. Good luck in the future' as you shove his bin bag of belongings into his arms and change the locks.

He's spending all his money in the pub, OP, it's no wonder he's not contributing. He thinks he's got you where he wants you, show him that this is not the case. I think you will find yourself again very quickly once you aren't submerged under his weight.

outerspacepotato · 07/04/2025 17:00

Should you end things?

Of course. He's taken you for a chump.

This is as good as it's ever going to get. You should be in the falling in love, new relationship energy at 6 months and instead of you're living like his drudge with him using you for a roof over his head, food, and sex with him treating you badly. You're an appliance that makes his life easy.

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