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Original poster

Husband has had multiple affairs

35 replies

UtterlyHeartbroken · 04/04/2025 20:30

I have been with my Husband since I was 16. We have been together 24 years and have children.

He recently confessed that there have been 4 other women since we got together.
2 one night stands and 2 full affairs.
I am hurt and angry because I truly loved this man and have supported him through the most painful life events like his past addiction and tragic family deaths.

He says he has been faithful for the past 5 years and is trying to be a better man and that he couldn’t lie to me anymore. He is hopeful that we can work things out but I just don’t think this is forgivable.

He’s looking into a narcissist diagnosis as he said he was able to compartmentalise and didn’t even consider me and his family. He didn’t use protection either! I have had a full sti panel and am waiting on the results but I feel like my life is over.

I am not coping. Life doesn’t feel worth living. I certainly can’t cope on my own. I have no support network. No family or friends.

Has anyone been through something similar?

OP posts:
EG94 · 04/04/2025 20:31

Wow what a cunt.

well done on the STI test

time to start getting everything in line to leave I think.

Watermill · 04/04/2025 20:34

Well he’s a nasty lying cheat.

Why don’t you have any friends? I think you need real life support. I couldn’t get over this. 💐

Original poster
UtterlyHeartbroken · 04/04/2025 20:37

Watermill · 04/04/2025 20:34

Well he’s a nasty lying cheat.

Why don’t you have any friends? I think you need real life support. I couldn’t get over this. 💐

I don’t think the friends I had were true friends. They are people that I was there for but when my husband went through addiction, they didn’t like that I wasn’t social anymore. They said things like “you’re never happy” we will just to leave the friendship in your hands etc… because I would cancel last minute on plans due to husband within being MIA or not in a position to look after the kids.

OP posts:
BCBird · 04/04/2025 20:38

What a low life. Affairs and no protection? Uou deserve better. Life without the scumbag will be better

Maitri108 · 04/04/2025 20:39

OP he's been unfaithful for most of your relationship, happily scoffing his cake and eating it.

I've no doubt you supported him and the whole family while he lived a double life. At least he was honest in that he admits that the only person he thought about was himself.

He doesn't have a personality disorder or a sex addiction, he's a selfish piece of work who didn't bother to protect your health with condoms.

I'd be prepared as well because cheats usually just say what they can get away with. What he's describing is probably the tip of the iceberg.

You'll get angry and he'll make it worse when he rewrites history and starts to blame you. You'll look back at the lies and manipulation and seethe.

I doubt he wants you to leave given how you make his life better and are owed half the assets. He'll promise anything not to divorce. You can't trust a word he says.

You might find Surviving Infidelity helpful.

TY78910 · 04/04/2025 20:41

What the fuck. That would knock me sideways.

just unsure of why the sudden need to confess… if he’s kept it to himself for 18 years!

At least you now know that any problems you’ve had in your relationship up until now were probably the result of his nonsense

Original poster
UtterlyHeartbroken · 04/04/2025 20:41

Maitri108 · 04/04/2025 20:39

OP he's been unfaithful for most of your relationship, happily scoffing his cake and eating it.

I've no doubt you supported him and the whole family while he lived a double life. At least he was honest in that he admits that the only person he thought about was himself.

He doesn't have a personality disorder or a sex addiction, he's a selfish piece of work who didn't bother to protect your health with condoms.

I'd be prepared as well because cheats usually just say what they can get away with. What he's describing is probably the tip of the iceberg.

You'll get angry and he'll make it worse when he rewrites history and starts to blame you. You'll look back at the lies and manipulation and seethe.

I doubt he wants you to leave given how you make his life better and are owed half the assets. He'll promise anything not to divorce. You can't trust a word he says.

You might find Surviving Infidelity helpful.

Is surviving infidelity a website or a thread on here?

OP posts:
MrsKeats · 04/04/2025 20:44

Were you never suspicious?

Original poster
UtterlyHeartbroken · 04/04/2025 20:47

MrsKeats · 04/04/2025 20:44

Were you never suspicious?

Yes but you should hear how well he lies. I came to the conclusion that I was a very insecure and jealous person who couldn’t stand the thought of him working with other women. Then it turns out, 3 of them were colleagues and the very women I worried about.

OP posts:
savethatkitty · 04/04/2025 20:47

What an absolute shit he is. I also wonder why he's suddenly unburdening himself now. No words, just here to offer a hand hold.

Gowlett · 04/04/2025 20:49

Why is he telling you now?
Terrible, sorry this is happening to you.

CitizenZ · 04/04/2025 20:51

You must be utterly heartbroken!

He's a wanker! Has a good wife to rely on and goes get his kicks whenever he can. Believe me, if more had been up for it, the numbers would be bigger... Perhaps they are bigger and he's just breaking you into his disgusting betrayal.

Leave him. If you forgive this, he will expect you to forgive the next one. You are better than this scrote. You will get over it, and you wilĺ have a better life for it. He won't.

Original poster
UtterlyHeartbroken · 04/04/2025 20:53

He was drunk when he told me so maybe that’s it and he couldn’t take it back. Or maybe he’s actually realising what he has risked… I don’t know. He’s answering all my questions even through I don’t like the answers.

I genuinely don’t think I will cope on my own with no support. I’ve never lived on my own and I’m a stay at home Mum

OP posts:
Wobblemonster · 04/04/2025 20:55

You will cope, don’t doubt yourself.

Sunpeace · 04/04/2025 20:58

Get out now. This was me and I've never looked back. You have got this!!!

BCBird · 04/04/2025 21:00

You will cope OP. Take the power from.him. You can have a peaceful life without him and his appalling behaviour.

TY78910 · 04/04/2025 21:00

UtterlyHeartbroken · 04/04/2025 20:47

Yes but you should hear how well he lies. I came to the conclusion that I was a very insecure and jealous person who couldn’t stand the thought of him working with other women. Then it turns out, 3 of them were colleagues and the very women I worried about.

Show quote history

The very definition of gaslighting

Nodlikeyouwerelistening · 04/04/2025 21:04

Even the “coming clean” is selfish. Like why do this now? Why not back then? Why not the first time, the second time, the third time or even the FOURTH time? IF (doubt it…) he’s been faithful for five years and is so riddled with guilt (also doubt it) and chose after the last time to keep it from you then the very least he can do is stick with that selfish decision and live with the guilt eating him alive for the rest of his miserable life. He didn’t even have the decency to do that and felt the need to unburden himself by blowing up your life. He must feel like a real weight has been lifted, how lovely for him…

I’d be VERY suspicious of why he has suddenly grown a conscience. I definitely think there’s more to it. Maybe the latest partner or partner’s husband is threatening to tell you so he’s doing damage control and trying to get ahead of it.

You still don’t have the whole truth and I’d bet good money on that. But I also don’t think knowing the full truth will change a thing about the situation. You’ve been together so long, you’ve called 3 of the partners right but still managed to convince yourself it was your problem, I don’t think he honestly believes you’ll ever leave him. I think you should put your fears aside and look to reclaiming your life back. He’s stolen enough years from you, don’t let him take your future too.

AliBaliBee1234 · 04/04/2025 21:11

Your life is absolutely worth living.

Your husband doesn't deserve you. This is such a complete lack of respect that you would be much better off alone.

Do you have the funds to be able to leave if you don't have family/friends to stay with?

Join some clubs or classed, you'll soon meet
some friendly faces. Or i highly recommend a dog if you're eventually able! Great company and dog walkers become friendly.

You could look at this as a fresh start! It could be exciting although difficult.

ladyamy · 04/04/2025 21:11

Maitri108 · 04/04/2025 20:39

OP he's been unfaithful for most of your relationship, happily scoffing his cake and eating it.

I've no doubt you supported him and the whole family while he lived a double life. At least he was honest in that he admits that the only person he thought about was himself.

He doesn't have a personality disorder or a sex addiction, he's a selfish piece of work who didn't bother to protect your health with condoms.

I'd be prepared as well because cheats usually just say what they can get away with. What he's describing is probably the tip of the iceberg.

You'll get angry and he'll make it worse when he rewrites history and starts to blame you. You'll look back at the lies and manipulation and seethe.

I doubt he wants you to leave given how you make his life better and are owed half the assets. He'll promise anything not to divorce. You can't trust a word he says.

You might find Surviving Infidelity helpful.

.

AliBaliBee1234 · 04/04/2025 21:12

AliBaliBee1234 · 04/04/2025 21:11

Your life is absolutely worth living.

Your husband doesn't deserve you. This is such a complete lack of respect that you would be much better off alone.

Do you have the funds to be able to leave if you don't have family/friends to stay with?

Join some clubs or classed, you'll soon meet
some friendly faces. Or i highly recommend a dog if you're eventually able! Great company and dog walkers become friendly.

You could look at this as a fresh start! It could be exciting although difficult.

Sorry. Are you kids still at home?

Original poster
UtterlyHeartbroken · 04/04/2025 21:16

AliBaliBee1234 · 04/04/2025 21:11

Your life is absolutely worth living.

Your husband doesn't deserve you. This is such a complete lack of respect that you would be much better off alone.

Do you have the funds to be able to leave if you don't have family/friends to stay with?

Join some clubs or classed, you'll soon meet
some friendly faces. Or i highly recommend a dog if you're eventually able! Great company and dog walkers become friendly.

You could look at this as a fresh start! It could be exciting although difficult.

I don’t have the funds but luckily live in social housing and I’m the main tennant. I do have a dog but he has to be walked alone as he is antisocial

OP posts:
Maitri108 · 04/04/2025 21:16

ladyamy · 04/04/2025 21:11

.

Edited
Show quote history

Thanks for that. You must be busy 'correcting' the forum.

gab254 · 04/04/2025 21:16

I've been through similar and ended my marriage. It was absolutely the best thing to do and every day I am grateful I am not still married to someone who couldn't show me respect and love.
I have found happiness in being on my own and whenever I feel lonely, I remember what it was like to be married to him and it was deeply unpleasant.
I will remember my first night in my own house without him, forever.
None of us can tell you what to do, but I am proof there is life after this sort of heartbreak

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