Husband has had multiple affairs

[UtterlyHeartbroken]

I have been with my Husband since I was 16. We have been together 24 years and have children.

He recently confessed that there have been 4 other women since we got together.
2 one night stands and 2 full affairs.
I am hurt and angry because I truly loved this man and have supported him through the most painful life events like his past addiction and tragic family deaths.

He says he has been faithful for the past 5 years and is trying to be a better man and that he couldn’t lie to me anymore. He is hopeful that we can work things out but I just don’t think this is forgivable.

He’s looking into a narcissist diagnosis as he said he was able to compartmentalise and didn’t even consider me and his family. He didn’t use protection either! I have had a full sti panel and am waiting on the results but I feel like my life is over.

I am not coping. Life doesn’t feel worth living. I certainly can’t cope on my own. I have no support network. No family or friends.

Has anyone been through something similar?

No problem xx

💘

My mother was like your husband. Married too young, two unplanned children, followed by a planned one when she could have gone out to work, then proceeded to constantly cheat on my dad throughout their marriage. In front of us ie men coming to the house while my dad was at work. Always the victim, manipulative as hell and backed up by her equally dysfunctional siblings. Why my dad put up with her, who knows?

Did she ever change? No. Ended up cheating on husband #2 with one of her old affair partners. Again, played the victim.

Where is she now? Totally alone. Husband #3 died. Estranged from all three of her children because of her awful selfishness and neglectful parenting. Not even sure if her youngest child is my dad's.

The best thing you can do is get the hell out. My therapist thinks my DM has a personality disorder. Possibly your husband has one too. Doesn't matter. These people leave a trail of misery behind. You deserve better.

It sounds like you can make this work and everything else will fall into place.

You could perhaps do a trial
separation if that makes you feel less anxious. But from my experience a cheater doesn't change their spots.

The “narcissist diagnosis” is a red herring here. He’s said this because in his view, if it’s a “medical “ issue then it absolves him of responsibility for having made the choice to betray you. This man has cheated on you multiple times, two of those times it was sustained deception in the form of an affair.
He didn’t cheat because he has narcissistic personality disorder. He cheated because he had the opportunity to, because he wanted to, and because he’d gotten away with doing it before. No more no less.

My oldest has moved out but the others are still at home.

I agree with pp who are questioning why he has confessed this now. This surely can't be the first time he's been drunk since he started cheating on you so why confess now and not earlier?
There must be some reason - perhaps someone might be going to tell you about the past. There is probably more to be revealed because cheaters only reveal the bare minimum. He has more than likely been unfaithful many more times and probably recently.Whatever the reason for the confession it won't be anything to do with remorse or concern for you OP.

I'm so sorry your life has been torn apart by this. Put yourself first and look after yourself.

Is he hoping the narcissist diagnosis can absolve him of any blame?
Your husband does not care about you, any sort of diagnosis won’t change that op

It may be he confessed now as one of the women threatened to tell you.

Sorry you are going through this OP flowers 💐

I would question the timing of his sudden crisis of conscience if he’s been faithful for the last however many years he said, it doesn’t make sense without a serious trigger and/ or a threat from an OW to tell you what he’s been up to.
“Why now?” Would be a question I would need a convincing answer to. “I can’t stand the guilt any longer” doesn’t really wash after a distance of years, nobody could be awash with guilt every day for that long.
Sadly I think even this confession is the tip of a very nasty iceberg and something or somebody is forcing this out into the open. It wouldn’t surprise me if this isn’t him getting ahead of the game before somebody else busts him.