Male friend texting female friend a few times every day

[publicswimming]

Is this ok if one of
you are in a marriage.
wife does not know this happens.
work, social, humour related messages.
mutually reciprocal.

What’s a few times?

Once, twice, three times…anything insignificant is friendship and should be seen as acceptable, depending on the content.

600+ a day? Not so much 😂

(been there! I wonder now how I found the time but it was really not ok and I of course regret it).

I wouldn’t be ok with it if my husband did this

The level of communication is absolutely fine. Nothing wrong with male and female friends communicating. Not telling the wife isn’t ok

From the very little information you've given, then it's obviously perfectly normal and acceptable to have friends and have contact from friends.

Maybe three to four voice notes/ memes messages per day. Im purposely not saying if I’m wife, husband or single woman as I wanted some neutral thoughts on this issue .

As always it depends on the people involved.

i would expect that my DH would send those kind of messages to me so if he were sending them to someone else instead of me, I’d feel it was inappropriate.

If spouse doesn't know?
Absolutely not!

My definition of infidelity is whenever you act in a certain way or think about someone in a certain way and you wouldn't feel okay telling your spouse about it. Then you already know you're in the wrong.

Male-female friendships are okay in my book. Even very close male-female friendships with regular contact. I have a good male friend myself. However, I am spontaneously forthcoming about any contact.
Like f.e.: oh babe look, my friend "John" just sent me a picture of the new car they picked up today. It looks great, doesn't it? Lovely colour."

And if my husband ever gets a bad vibe from a male friend of mine, I will limit contact out of respect for my husband. I know he wouldn't just say that for no good reason.

I find the idea that someone’s spouse has to be aware of them messaging opposite-sex friends utterly bizarre. I literally can’t imagine telling DH ‘I’ve had four texts from Patrick today — is that ok?’

If you would show your spouse the messages the it’s fine.

If you wouldn’t show your spouse the messages then it’s not ok.

If you’re the sender of the messages and the wife doesn’t like it then single woman should stop for the sake of the friendship with the man and because single woman doesn’t have a romantic agenda.

If you’re the man then why haven’t you told your wife? By keeping her secret it looks like you want to have an affair or he fantasises about her sexually. If you’ve not told her because you think that wives don’t have the right to know everything about your life then why are you married ?

I can’t imagine messaging and sending voice notes to anyone every day male or female.

It does seem a bit much for someone you’re not in a relationship with tbh especially if you’re with someone else.

One of my best friends is male I am mid 50’s.
Friends since we were at primary school so over 40 years. His wife is fine about us being friends.
We have been there for each other through many life events.
We check in by text at most once a fortnight, speak about once a month. His wife is often about when he is on the phone, she always shouts hello to
me.
What do we talk about? Books, films, family, politics, getting older. But we do so as friends. I have a partner and he is very respectful of that and vice versa.
I would never say anything in a text that I would not want his wife to see, and vice versa.
She is so welcoming and kind to me and introduces me as family.
I realise I am very lucky that she is so kind, and my partner is very supportive, too.

For some people that level of contact is entirely normal, though.

Does the wife not know because it's being deliberately hidden or because it's just not something the husband has thought needs to be specifically discussed?

It doesn't sound like anything flirty is going on, the husband isn't sharing private information, it's just two mates having a fairly normal ongoing chat. I can't see what wouldn't be ok.

I mean is it a secret or just not worth mentioning? I text my male friend alot but don't tell my husband unless there is something worth talking about. Same way I text everyone.

Just say who you are, it's impossible to get neutrality as even when you post with a neutral voice your own filter is placed on the post.

I don't even message my best friends /family this often tbh.

I think the only person I have this level of messaging with is my teenage daughter!

Wouldn’t bother me but When we first met my partner’s female best friend would text him about 100 times a day. Now this i was not ok with .

“TwistedWonder · Today 11:04

I can’t imagine messaging and sending voice notes to anyone every day male or female.
It does seem a bit much for someone you’re not in a relationship with tbh especially if you’re with someone else.”

For me, it’s this. That level of contact on a daily basis seems a bit much.

I wouldn’t care. They’re friends. I text my male friend a lot. There’s nothing wrong with it

Comms happen outside of when he is at home or the wife is working . She knows about friendship but thinks it was too close when they were dating first many years ago even though the friendship was and is entirely mutual.
Messages show nothing untoward but wife’s name is rarely mentioned in conversations or messages. Husband admitted had a crush on this woman years ago . It was unrequited and became friends only interaction.

Nope nope nope.

Would not be something I'm okay with.
Secretive messages being sent and received at specific times when wife can't see or hear.
Friend is someone he had a crush on. This is known.
Wife knew about friendship and has specifically said she's uncomfortable with how close they are.

Those are a lot of boundaries being crossed.

It's never about asking permission though.
It's about normalising the friendship, bringing it out into the open to avoid any misunderstandings.
It's about not waiting for your spouse to be out of the house to have a call, but just being upfront about giving your friend a ring, even passing on a message to either sides. Just as when I'm calling my female friend, I'll tell her to say hello to her husband for me or ask how his sore back's been feeling.
It's about replying to a text when your spouse is sitting right next to you. And if they happen to catch a few words, then fine, because you haven't written anything you wouldn't feel okay showing them. Rather than turning away or not opening texts in front of them.

It's about showing your spouse, who has every right to this information, that you're not any different with this friend than you would be with your same-sex-friends.

So what, though? This level of policing is bizarre. I’ve no idea how frequently I mention DH in text messages to any friends, male or female.

Agree. Obviously it depends on what's in the messages but it sounds like overthinking.

I don't mention their wives when I text my male friends. I'm not sure why I would.

The total numbers of messages are irrelevant. It's all in the content.

I know of someone who sends only one message some days, other days none, some half a dozen. They are shagging and one is married.