Anyone have a partner who makes a BIG deal about little things?

[HaventSleptForAYear]

OK. This is another "moan about my husband thread" but this is also actually seriously getting me down and I don't know if other people manage to live with it or not?

Example from this morning, I take a housekey off my key-ring to give to DH, it drops down the side of the seat.

We're in a bit of a rush (but no urgent deadline), he blows up, especially as he gets his hands dirty looking for it, stands aside to let me grub around for it, "I knew this would happen, so annoying/stupid bla bla bla". I find it, he drives off.

This kind of thing happens all the time, for ex. if he can't find sth he wants, if things aren't in the right place, if the fridge is not "organised" enough.

It gets me really wound up and stressed, and with 2 DS + full-time job I don't need the hassle. I actually feel more relaxed when he's not there, especially with the kids.

Anyone got any coping strategies for this? (I would like him to stop sweating the small stuff)

Oh wow, I thought my DH was unique!
I am CONSTANTLY getting "have you seen my wallet / phone / keys / climbing gear / trousers" etc. to which I respond "no darling, it's probably where you left it". Cue 15 mins of frantic searching, turning the house upside down, swearing under his breath, stampeding up and down stairs only to find the damn item is already in his bag or sitting in full view on the kitchen table and he is late for work.

The other thing is that he stubbornly refuses to remember where things are kept in the house so if he is looking for something and I direct him to it I either get "no it's not there!! I can't see it!" when the item is patently right in front of him or alternatively "wow darling, you are amazing, how do you know where everything is? I would be lost without you". But WHY does he never remember where we keep things??! He is a grown up!

It was a real eye opener when we first met and I saw his desk at work - he must spend half of every day just looking for papers in the pile of crap he has accumulated there. I should have seen the warning signs then...

I actually enjoy feeling smug and holier than thou when I point out to DH when the thing he insists is missing is right in front of him, e.g. yesterday he was looking for some sauce in the fridge. Came back twice insisting it wasn't there. I walked through, extracted said item which was right in front of his nose labelled in v big letters, and said "Oh, of course you couldn't find it, it was so tucked away, badly labelled and not at all RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!"

Cue one sheepish DH and me feeling victorious. Ahh the pleasure....

Arabella and Haventslept - know what you're saying.

Sometimes get so worn down with the bickering as I can't let it go. I'm always saying "don't bark orders at me, I'm not an employee".

thanks for brightening my day.
i have 2 kids 1 aged 11 the other 44.

Dp can never find anything so constantly asks me.
for example, conversation last night
where is my paper driving license?
in the filing case i reply
where is the case?
in the bla bla where it has been for the past 5 years !!!!
i hear rummaging from upstairs.
I cant find it
The front compartment i yell
oh didnt look there

A dear old lady who i worked for once said to me remember that
men have mothers then get wives
men look but never see
men can never make tea without flooding the worksurface
men wouldnt do it if they had to do it themselves.

Once asked Dp how he ever did things before i came along, to which he replied 'I didnt'

also will confess that I am the one who checks sockets & doors at bedtime or if we are going out. He couldnt care less

Ooooh lots of familiar things here !

For one reason or another I'm finding my kids hard work atm (sahm/4 dcs)and am feeling pretty tired and strung out as a result. Days are very busy yadda yadda yadda.

Dh - who don't get me wrong works VERY hard - has a knack of coming in of an evening and immediately honing in on the ONE small thing I've not managed to do that day. eg "So you didn't manage to get the soya milk then ?"

Or, and this is my absolute pet hate with dh, when we've just sat down at around 9pm to the meal I've cooked (having previously cooked for the dcs, cleared up, done baths etc) he'll say in a non committal but oh so bloody irritating voice "Where did you get this chicken/fish/whatever ?" The clear subtext is he doesn't like it. I actually had a calm chat with him the other night about this. I said, fair enough, some meals are nicer than others, and you're entitled to your opinion, but 1. I've stood and cooked it at the end of a long day 2. It's my meal too, can't you give me five minutes to relax over it before we talk about its qualities ? More often than not, if it turns out I've bought some rubbish steak or overcooked the lemon sole, I'll be the first to notice and comment myself thank you very much ! I also reminded him that on the very rare occasions when he cooks, nothing less than fulsome praise will do. "But that's different; I don't do it very often. " "No it isn't ! Frequency is irrelevant; it's still insensitive to nit pick about a meal that's been cooked for you the mi nute the cook sits down to relax for five goddam minutes."

I can sympathise with everyone getting fed up with DHs not being able to find things - we manage to laugh about this one and have learnt to ignore or put up with.

This is not our worst thing, it's more the getting wound up about minor things and always criticizing.

Like needamassage I feel like an employee sometimes.

I think we need a rule that if you wouldn't say it to a friend, you shouldn't say it to each other. Might be hard though

Yes backfire sounds familiar.

Am now wondering whether I do it too - or what I have done to make him think he can get away with it?

HSFAY, I don't think it's anything you have done, I believe it's a "Man" thing. Unless something they are looking for jumps up, waves and announces "I'm Heeeeere!", they are genetically unable to locate it. Similar in some ways to my eyes glazing over when DH patiently explains AGAIN how to put oil in the car. I can't bring myself to apply the effort required to care. So I dont.

My DP gets het up over nothing, Normally DIY, "but its not straight" EVERYTHING HAS TO BE EXACT WITH HIM. lol

Just sneaked upstairs whilst DH is downstairs having his coffee to tell you earlier I got confused with all the different remotes for the tv, dvd, sky etc. and managed to muddle up the channels.

DH says "What the FUCK are you doing" really loudly. I just looked at him and said "You really need to calm down, talk about overreacting!".

The thing is, if I use the F word, he says "You sound awful when you use that language".

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK...........

Ah, feel better now .

This is hilarious! I read all the stories. I love this thread. Can we write a book please?

I think all men are pretty much the same!!!

I love the 'I can't find it. You must've moved it' - I get that all the time!!!

Why is it, men can't remember where they put something, can't remember where they last had it, can't remember when, but have a vividly clear recollection that YOU had it.............

I ignore it most of the time. Only time I get annoyed with him is if he's running late, we're all supposed to be accomodating, but if me / the kids are running late, he'll be pacing up and down outside the house (even if we are in no rush at all)

To be fair, though, I call him 'daddy' when refering to our dog, which drives him up the wall!!!

Youcannotbeserious - sorry think you've got the wrong DH there, that's mine pacing up and down (and not helping) and that's ME running round picking up after everyone when he's in a rush.

It's like when I twisted my ankle a couple of weeks ago.

When he realised he would have to do everything, he started saying we needed to put the kids at the childminder's (Easter holidays).

I went and said that if it had been the other way round I would be expected to mind the kids plus do everything.

Much muttering about how he would never get anything done now...

To be fair, he did do it all and I just lay on the sofa and read my book (and broke up a few fights!).

Haven'tsleptforayear - they certainly do sound similar!!!

When we were looking at childcare, our three objectives were:

1. help for me with the baby
2. help to make sure the house was spotless on Fridays (when he comes home)
3. help with driving on Fridays (if I'm not able)

The cost of the nanny was quite high, so DH decided that a cleaner (just on Fridays) and a taxi would see us through........... Well, I suppose two of of three isn't bad, but guess who gets no help at all?????????????

Men!

I've teased him mercilessly into submission - he can now laugh at his own pettiness

I need some tips from you then Anna.

Oh crikey.

I just laugh at him (gently) and respond in kind to his silliness until he realises he's being an arse and stops.

When I first met him he used to sulk when he didn't get his own way . That was the first babyish behaviour I laughed at him about.

We are years down the line now and I have teased him out of nearly everything .

Don't let babyish behaviour wind you up - keep your cool at all times and let him make a funny spectacle of himself... he'll hate you finding him sweetly ridiculous and stop.

Theres a book called don't sweat the samll stuff.........fathers day is coming up.......?

I was once a live-in nurse. The other nurses used to say 'ooh, the telly's too loud', or 'Oh, I don't want to watch this'. Then they'd all sit and snigger, and I knew they were laughing at me but I didn't know why.

So they told me - every time they complained, I jumped up and put right whatever they were complaining about. I was conditioned by my dad to sort out things he complained about, damn quick, or he would lose his temper and I carried it through my life.

Now I know, other people's problems are not my problems. Let them find their own stuff, they are adults, not two year olds that can't reach the top cupboard. I don't mind helping, but I will instantly stop looking the moment somebody seems to think it's my job to locate their stuff [mrs.angry emoticon]

littlewoman - that is the reason I think everybody needs to live with other young adults (as students or when working) before getting hitched - so that the other adults can point out the glaring omissions in your upbringing and you can correct them while you are still young and agile enough to take them on board

Sounds like my dh, you have my sypathy

How do you stop it winding you up???
He keeps going on on and on
He is worse than the kids

He does`nt laugh when he realises what a muppet he is