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Original poster

Wedding invite

58 replies

Greenwoodstems · 03/04/2025 18:06

I am getting to the point where I am sick of my BF being regarded by his mates as the “single” friend. Yet another weekend, yet another invite…for him. Apparently we haven’t been together long enough for me to warrant an invite, but I really am getting sick of it all. We are in our 40s, trying to make a go of it, and another weekend is ruined with him attending a friends wedding where I don’t rank. Pissed off beyond measure.

OP posts:
Ratisshortforratthew · 03/04/2025 19:06

I’ve been with my partner over twice as long as you and both of us have been invited to weddings without a +1. Neither of us care. Why are you bothered? Do you even know his friends? If I got married I wouldn’t want random partners I’d never met there either.

Iknowaboutpopular · 03/04/2025 19:07

I think if you're both that serious about starting a family then you'd be more enmeshed in his life and his friends wouldn't treat him as the single friend and you as a nothing.

Maybe they are wary of you because it feels that he's moving too fast with you

Darkmorningsarethepits · 03/04/2025 19:08

Ha friends are acting on what they are being told. My your bf

Hes not invested

cannynotsay · 03/04/2025 19:10

Well maybe he just doesn’t have a great history with women, and this is actually isn’t about you but abut him. I wouldn’t invite someone to a wedding that’s been such a short space of time and someone’s OH

Reddog1 · 03/04/2025 19:12

They’d invite you if they thought you were his long term partner. So…I’d be wondering who gave them the impression that you aren’t.

The bride referring to him as single (for the table, I mean) in your presence is bizarre.

Chunkilumptious · 03/04/2025 19:32

OP how many weddings and associated jaunts is he attending solo this year?

Is it a perspective issue if all else is well and it's only a couple? After all weddings are expensive and may have been planned a couple of years out etc. or is he going all out on immature stag weekends or anything like that? Would you like him to ask if you can be included? Perhaps not viable unless very close friends or informal weddings.

I think worth getting to the bottom of what the issue is, even if it's just this weekend you're fed up about something that's happened at work and would have liked the support.

Do you get time together other than weekends? If not why not?

Pinkelephant66 · 03/04/2025 19:42

Is it more the ‘singles’ table that’s bothering you rather than lack of invite?

If I was only inviting people I knew and liked to a wedding, and not every Tom, Dick and Harry, then from what you’ve described, I wouldn’t give him a plus one!

some people don’t want to pay £100+ per head for random people they barely know. 18months isn’t long. If you’re desperate for an invite, he should offer to pay for the cost of you. You know how expensive weddings can be, right?

AutumnChild99 · 03/04/2025 19:47

Do you live together?

Bumblebeestiltskin · 03/04/2025 19:47

Greenwoodstems · 03/04/2025 19:04

I have, but he says it’s up to bride and groom. Which it is. I am just getting pissed off with people in their 40s who know that others this age accelerate things a bit, putting him on the singles table and expecting me to laugh along with it.

Show quote history

Does he actually ask the brides/grooms why he hasn't got a plus one? The fact he just shrugs and says oh well suggests the impression he's suited to the single table actually comes from him.

Original poster
Greenwoodstems · 03/04/2025 19:50

AutumnChild99 · 03/04/2025 19:47

Do you live together?

We’re in the process of buying. I need to stay at mine a few days a month for insurance purposes until the sale goes through

OP posts:
Original poster
Greenwoodstems · 03/04/2025 19:50

Bumblebeestiltskin · 03/04/2025 19:47

Does he actually ask the brides/grooms why he hasn't got a plus one? The fact he just shrugs and says oh well suggests the impression he's suited to the single table actually comes from him.

Show quote history

Can you politely ask why you haven’t invited someone???

OP posts:
crockofshite · 03/04/2025 19:51

YeGodsandLittleFishies · 03/04/2025 18:15

Can I ask why the weekend is ruined if your boyfriend isn’t around?

Find some cool things to do while he’s away.

As for the friends, best way to fix that is to make friends with his friends and their partners. Host them for dinners/parties/bbqs or whatever, you’ll soon be part of the group.

The thing that's ruining it is being left out, sidelined, ignored, blanked. It's shit behaviour from his mates.
He should really start standing up for her.

sugarspiceandeverythingnice12 · 03/04/2025 19:51

Greenwoodstems · 03/04/2025 19:04

I have, but he says it’s up to bride and groom. Which it is. I am just getting pissed off with people in their 40s who know that others this age accelerate things a bit, putting him on the singles table and expecting me to laugh along with it.

Show quote history

If he knows it means that much to you he should say to the b + g that he'd rather not go to the wedding without you. Sorry etc.

But he likes being seen as single and available

Original poster
Greenwoodstems · 03/04/2025 19:52

Pinkelephant66 · 03/04/2025 19:42

Is it more the ‘singles’ table that’s bothering you rather than lack of invite?

If I was only inviting people I knew and liked to a wedding, and not every Tom, Dick and Harry, then from what you’ve described, I wouldn’t give him a plus one!

some people don’t want to pay £100+ per head for random people they barely know. 18months isn’t long. If you’re desperate for an invite, he should offer to pay for the cost of you. You know how expensive weddings can be, right?

It’s the fact I am supposed to find this funny. If it was the grooms bloke mates and there’s a lad table I would be less bothered. But most of the football mates have their partners there, so I am supposed to find it funny that he is now on the singles table and being essentially introduced to friends as such.

OP posts:
Foxlovesfruit · 03/04/2025 19:55

Do you both have social media and share pics of you both as a couple? My only assumption is that these friends aren't aware of you. Or it might be that the bride and groom are trying to keep numbers down and so not inviting partners. I've always found though that invites to the ceremony part are to couples (in my experience anyway).

AttilaTheMeerkat · 03/04/2025 20:00

You need to remain in your property and pull
out of the joint house purchase. Do not sleepwalk your way here into potential ruin.

IThoughtHeWasWithYou · 03/04/2025 20:03

Quite a few weddings I’ve been to in the last 4 or 5 years, some partners didn’t make the cut. One friend had his partner of 10 years not invited. Bride and groom on tight budget, knew friend really well through sports club but had never met partner. I think that’s fair enough to be honest.

If you don’t live together I probably wouldn’t consider you serious enough to warrant an invite, sorry. And I get them rubbing your face and laughing about the singles table is a bit dickish, but I’ve been put on the “singles” table at weddings and we’ve mostly been people without our partners who all got lumped together.

Original poster
Greenwoodstems · 03/04/2025 20:05

Foxlovesfruit · 03/04/2025 19:55

Do you both have social media and share pics of you both as a couple? My only assumption is that these friends aren't aware of you. Or it might be that the bride and groom are trying to keep numbers down and so not inviting partners. I've always found though that invites to the ceremony part are to couples (in my experience anyway).

I don’t have any social media, he is on Facebook and Instagram but I have no idea what he shares- I’ve never thought to ask

OP posts:
AutumnChild99 · 03/04/2025 20:17

Greenwoodstems · 03/04/2025 19:50

We’re in the process of buying. I need to stay at mine a few days a month for insurance purposes until the sale goes through

Show quote history

In that case I think you should definitely be considered a couple and both be invited to weddings. I think it would be up to your partner to make sure his mates are aware he's in a long term relationship and ask to involve you. I wouldn't find the singles table funny either.

Marianwallace · 03/04/2025 20:19

I had one nephew who wouldn't invite any partners unless they were engaged, married or lived together. This included partners of his cousins and siblings. I think the cost can be so high and couples need a way of thinning out the guest list. We only knew why certain people didn't have an invite by asking, so either you or your DP need to ask.

Pinkelephant66 · 03/04/2025 20:26

Greenwoodstems · 03/04/2025 19:52

It’s the fact I am supposed to find this funny. If it was the grooms bloke mates and there’s a lad table I would be less bothered. But most of the football mates have their partners there, so I am supposed to find it funny that he is now on the singles table and being essentially introduced to friends as such.

Show quote history

Sorry, why do you think that they think you’ll ’find it funny’?

Wiseonce · 03/04/2025 20:27

Realistically these people will have been arranging their wedding for the past 12-24 months (average time from engagement to wedding is 2 years) so you probably weren't even on the scene when these people got engaged. When they booked their venue and sorted their budget and numbers, you STILL probably weren't even on the scene. Yes you may be rushing into this relationship as you are older, but the couple don't need to rush into a relationship with you! 18 months is nothing. Absolutely if you're in your 40s, YOU want to immediately be accepted as partner and key part of your partner's life, but you're new to them and they may simply not care to have you at their wedding 🤷 so yes, YABVU.

Original poster
Greenwoodstems · 03/04/2025 20:32

Wiseonce · 03/04/2025 20:27

Realistically these people will have been arranging their wedding for the past 12-24 months (average time from engagement to wedding is 2 years) so you probably weren't even on the scene when these people got engaged. When they booked their venue and sorted their budget and numbers, you STILL probably weren't even on the scene. Yes you may be rushing into this relationship as you are older, but the couple don't need to rush into a relationship with you! 18 months is nothing. Absolutely if you're in your 40s, YOU want to immediately be accepted as partner and key part of your partner's life, but you're new to them and they may simply not care to have you at their wedding 🤷 so yes, YABVU.

I was around when they got engaged, and we went out a few weeks after to celebrate. So I was around, and i think bought the second bottle of champagne from memory

OP posts:
Original poster
Greenwoodstems · 03/04/2025 20:32

Pinkelephant66 · 03/04/2025 20:26

Sorry, why do you think that they think you’ll ’find it funny’?

Show quote history

Christ only knows. I find it enraging

OP posts:
AlanShore · 03/04/2025 20:36

How many weddings are happening in this year?