Why do I not like the good guys …

[Peachykeenjellybeanxx]

Ladies …

what is wrong with me. Why don’t I like nice and good guys?

I’ve been dating around a year now. I’ve seen two lovely lovely men who I couldn’t fault and who probably would have given me the world but I had no sexual attraction to them.

on the other side I’ve spoken to a few men who are your typical players and probably not very suited to my single mum lifestyle, but they’re devastatingly attractive and funny. And sadly, I can be laughed into bed.

im early 30s and was with my ex-H for just shy of 8 years. I don’t want to rush into anything but also aware that if I keep messing around with these men, then all the nice and good ones will be gone and I’ll definitely never settle down.

what is wrong with me tho… how do I fix this problem!!! lol

'bad boys' have plenty of experience in talking to women and working out what gets them into bed - therefore they do seem like a good laugh and in some cases, a good shag. Eventually though one moves on and can do without the drama they bring, and this - IMO - is maturity/getting older/fed up with the headfucks - whatever you want to call it.

I deal with 'bad boys' by keeping in mind that ultimately they have a hidden agenda - I've a good idea of what they want and why they're behaving as they do. Sometimes I retaliate with some of my own: "look, if you just want a shag then ask. I might say yes; I might say no, but what would make me consider it is if you're honest about what you're looking for". It throws some off, being so direct. Others like it; some feign (or perhaps actually ARE) offended. Either way, it gets information out of them and I can make a decision as to what to do then.

I LOVE bad boys, but ultimately, they're not what I want. These days I prefer not to bother anyway - I'm much happier single. There's some really great advice here about casual sex and I'm not one who can handle that either, so I just go without.

I have no advice OP because I am exactly the same! It is really annoying and I fully know it is because a ‘bad boy’ / someone dysfunctional or emotionally unavailable is what’s familiar to me. However as much as I know this and have done a lot of work on myself and consider myself extremely self-aware, I cannot bring myself to be attracted to the few actual nice guys that I’ve met. Aaagghh! Hoping the cycle breaks for me soon

If I’d had that sort of sex, I’d want a repeat!

I really don’t think you need therapy for this! You can’t help who you fancy. You’ve got to want to jump into bed with a partner, especially at first, not grit your teeth and remind yourself how ‘nice’ he is.
just I guess make sure you react to red flags. Guys can be a laugh and sexy and a bit exciting but still be kind and essentially decent.

You can have both. My dh is amazing. He treats me like a queen. But he’s big and strong, very good at manual work despite having a “geek” job. He can shoot, he can handle and train large dogs. He’s very manly, in his American manly way 😂 and I adore him. Sexy as hell but treats me well.
You need a big strong gentle giant.

Meh , you’re not Belle and he’s not the Beast. You can’t love (or fuck ) them into Prince Charming.

Doesn’t mean you have to settle, just wait for a “full package” man , at least for a relationship.

You've been Friendzoned to destruction, mate. Move on, ffs, and get on with your life.

If you like the bad boys just own it. You like what you like.