Why do I not like the good guys …

[Peachykeenjellybeanxx]

Ladies …

what is wrong with me. Why don’t I like nice and good guys?

I’ve been dating around a year now. I’ve seen two lovely lovely men who I couldn’t fault and who probably would have given me the world but I had no sexual attraction to them.

on the other side I’ve spoken to a few men who are your typical players and probably not very suited to my single mum lifestyle, but they’re devastatingly attractive and funny. And sadly, I can be laughed into bed.

im early 30s and was with my ex-H for just shy of 8 years. I don’t want to rush into anything but also aware that if I keep messing around with these men, then all the nice and good ones will be gone and I’ll definitely never settle down.

what is wrong with me tho… how do I fix this problem!!! lol

What were the male figures like in your life, when you were a child growing up? Some of your choices might be explained by that.

Get more brutal with them, take everything they say as a pinch of salt for at least 6 weeks of dating, soon as you spot red flags, don’t see them again, you get tired of the same type of man , don’t ever date down, feel sorry for them or give another chance when they’ve not made you feel important. Attraction and friendship work together it won’t without one or the other .

your life it boring and you are looking for someone to entertain you. "bad boys" as you say are far more entertaining.

My mum liked the bad boys, she still does to an extent. I believe that’s one of the reason me and my 3 siblings all have different dads.

I’ve seen two lovely lovely men who I couldn’t fault and who probably would have given me the world but I had no sexual attraction to them.

on the other side I’ve spoken to a few men who are your typical players and probably not very suited to my single mum lifestyle, but they’re devastatingly attractive and funny. And sadly, I can be laughed into bed.

Why do you think it has to be one or the other?!There are men who are attractive, funny and sexy as hell but also lovely and caring and would give you the world - my DH is one of them!

If anyone had the answer MN would vanish overnight, I have no idea but therapy may help

You aren't the first and you certainly won't be the last

Completely disagree with @ThisUniqueDreamer’s rude and dismissive comments on Matthew Hussey. He doesn’t advocate “playing games” at all.

Why do you think it has to be one or the other?!There are men who are attractive, funny and sexy as hell but also lovely and caring and would give you the world - my DH is one of them!

I agree.

I've met a few guys who are good partners, and also sexy.

It's not either, or.

You just have to keep looking for that combo, for you.

1/ Therapy definitely
2/ Become your own rollercoaster, do not engage in risky behaviour, but find in yourself the capacity to create excitement, fun, sexy in your own daily life, don’t give this power to another man
3/ Date more, 2 good guys don’t make a forest

He's trying too hard.

Then MN is about to vanish - noooooo!

It is an evolutionary thing.

The op is perceiving them as alphas.

An evolutionary "alpha" is not always compatible with what we, in modern times, would consider a good partner.

(It is also easy for them to present as alphas because they don't care....so they can be relaxed, playful, confident etc. because they are not invested/don't really care).

While there's a load of shit in the pick up artistry/red pill industries...there is also some truth.
It's worth reading pick up artist material etc. to get insight into mens experiences, and what works with many women. You can then get insight into your own behaviour/mindset and hopefully alter it.

This is obviously just a few lines on something you could write a PhD thesis on.

Good guys can often act the same if you get to know them better - they're just civilised and not being overly forward with you when they don't know you well enough. Once you get past the shyness and know each other they're more or less the same. There's nothing wrong with going for bad guys either I suppose, but you might suffer over time if they laugh you into bed and don't text you back after you release bonding hormones.

I have 2 friends like this i asked once why do it their reply was - well a bad lad is like kryptonight to us gays so i just let them get on with it.
For women i have no idea why i myself have been there in most of 20s but i have come to the other side and see what i didnt see.

You just haven’t met the right good guy yet. I was the same as you; thought nice guys were boring and always dated the assholes. I made the mistake of marrying one. Funnily enough it did not end well!

Then I met my boyfriend who is razor sharp, hilariously funny, deeply eccentric with a colourful past, but he’s also kind, honest, responsible, he keeps me on my toes but is also safe and reliable, in short my perfect partner. Don’t settle for boring, but stop dating the pricks!

You can't change what you fancy, but your problem is that you'll either end up with a drip that you don't want, because the decent ones will all be snapped up. Modern men are a bit more aware of having their pants pulled down (metaphorically) in later life and are content without the baggage.

Do you find those kind of men a challenge or just find their unpredictability exciting? If it’s the challenge then that might be easily resolved by finding something challenging that will solely benefit you and enhance your life. Maybe fitness related, mastering a skill, learning something or campaigning for something you feel strongly about. Anything that you will need to work at and strive for. Something that you can mark off achievement targets and take pride in. If you can find something that absorbs you and excites you, the players will seem a lot of hard work for little reward and a “nice guy” will feel like a much better option.

Not just male figures, female ones too. If your patten is trying to get someone's attention, why would it change?

It depends what you want. It’s fine to have fun with players just as long as you don’t get attached and think you can mould them into ‘good’ guys. They are not serious boyfriend material. You need to accept that. They are there to f*** and forget about, frankly. There’s a reason they’re called ‘fuck boys’. Enjoy!

I thought a lot of us ‘got over’ dating bad guys in our early 20s, just too much hassle?

Following because I could have written this post myself! I'm a single mum, a similar age as you and sounds like I have the same problem! I seem to toss aside any good options or men that would fit in my lifestyle and only gor for guys that clearly want something casual, even though I'm not a casual person!

They’re hassle if you think of them as boyfriend material and try to change them - that never works. But for no-strings-attached, hot sex, there’s nothing better than a fuck boy.

It’s hard to have hot sex without feelings getting involved?

It's because when "good and nice" men give you the world straight away, it doesn't feel "earned", right? Personally, I feel the same way about men who "put out marriage" straight away (as many men feel about women who "put out sex" right away). You don't like it because it means you are not special, they just want someone. There's no chemistry.

I chose a man who didn't think I was the best thing ever right away. It took time for us to build and grow together. Keep looking. You'll get there. 😉

Oh, it's very much possible to have hot, steamy sex without feelings. It's often the best kind. Uninhibited, wild, one night stands can be electrifying in the right circumstances,

It's crazy I seen this post
I Been In Love with my friend since the first time I met her she's a mother of 2 kids a boy and a girl I try my best to help her as much as I can and be there I let her know but she told me her and I would never happen it hurt like hell but theres nothing I can do about it but respect that she just doesn't c me that way

It had been about 2 weeks that I seen her & Just Yesterday we were hanging out she told me about this guy she had met and he got aggressive already they went for food he threw the food grabbed the drinks and poured it on her head and had the nerve to ask her for a ride and when she said no he threatened to break the windows to her new car she said she was really scared she thought she was gonna get hurt luckily in this case the guy left but things dont always turn out that way it could of ended very badly when she told me this it really broke me just to think about how a dumbass guys can not value what they have this is the 2nd guy that mistreats her it really sucks that she only c's me as a friend I know if she were to give me the chance she would not regret it but I don't ever c it happening anyways the point I'm trying to get to is if u keep going for gangster player little boys expect this kind of behavior from them u don't need that around ur kids just be careful I'm glad that guy decided to walk away and didn't hurt her when u go for a guy based on what they look like gangsters or players ur gonna catch feelings and expect to cheated on or expect for the guys to get abusive what u need to do is as soon as u c any type of aggression cut it I c lots of women make the mistake of not ending it and end up in a relationship feeling trapped of fear because they decided to not end the relationship the first time they seen anger and aggression towards them no woman deserve to go threw that specially when they have kids the kids don't need to c there mom get treated bad try giving the guys that treat u good a chance even if ur not sexually attracted to them u might be surprised u will never know