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Original poster

Ghosted after years

43 replies

Popie123 · 02/04/2025 07:54

Hi

I have been seeing someone on and off for around 4 years , we were not in a official relationship and it was quite obvious I wanted more from it than him but I stupidly kept seeing him and whenever I would try and break it off he would always come back

the whole of last year was very much on between us, we spoke every single day and saw each other regularly and went on dates etc

we had a minor disagreement in January but this was not abnormal for us and I thought nothing of it but he ended up blocking me absolutely everywhere which he has never done before and to this day I am still blocked

i have tried to reach out to him 3 times since then , twice in February and once a few days ago as I have another phone which he has not blocked

he will not even open my messages and has not responded to a single one. I have asked him if there is someone else, I have asked him to tell me the reason why he has totally cut me off and I am met with silence , again this not something he has ever done before , my birthday also went past during these 3 months and he didn't acknowledge it something also out of character for him

i am heartbroken and feel like he must have met someone else but don't know why he will not just put me out of my misery and tell me , I also don't know why he has left one line of communication open and not blocked that phone the first time I reached out on it seen as I am blocked everywhere else. Makes me wonder if he is enjoying this

has anyone experienced this?? I know ghosting is common when meeting ppl online etc but I met him through work I've known him almost 10 years and I can't believe he thinks that this is acceptable behaviour

OP posts:
Somanyoption · 02/04/2025 07:56

You have posted before about this

you have to let this go op

it wasn’t a proper relationship in any sense of the word and now it’s well and truly over

Somanyoption · 02/04/2025 07:57

Op if you are not careful, he will report you for harassment

Needtosoundoffandbreathe · 02/04/2025 07:57

You said it yourself in the first paragraph. You wanted more than he would give.

He's just not that into you and you were a stopgap. The reality is, though that sounds really harsh, you are worth so much more. You should be angry that he used you then had blocked and ghosted you instead of having the guts to tell you straight it was over. Or perhaps he did tell you, but wasn't direct enough. Have some self-respect and forget about him.

Largestlegocollectionever · 02/04/2025 07:58

It doesn’t really matter whether he’s now with someone else or not.
He's shown you his true colours and how much you really mean to him.
He's done with you, and discarded you.

You should seek out some therapy to help you heal from this and to make sure you don’t end up in the same situation again, so know the red flags to look out for.

This is something you can either learn from and grow stronger from, or allow it to hurt you 💐

Original poster
Popie123 · 02/04/2025 07:59

@Somanyoption I have never posted about this before? And I am sure there is way to check previous posts so please do so as I have never posted in the relationship section of mumsnet before and I have no idea what you are talking about

OP posts:
ChristmasFluff · 02/04/2025 07:59

Unfortunately he of course does know it's unacceptable behaviour, and so your closure actually lies in that knowledge - firstly he doesn't care enough about you to end things in a decent way, and secondly that this fact isn't about you, it's about him. He would treat anyone the same because he's a user.

It's a really hard lesson in having your own back, because when someone is blowing hot and cold, the self-loving thing to do is to bin them off there and then, not try to prove you are worthy of being 'chosen' by a fuckwit who is happy to mess you around.

The best thing to do now is to block him on your new phone. He wasn't good enough, and so it's time to aim higher.

arethereanyleftatall · 02/04/2025 08:00

Of course it’s not acceptable behaviour - ghosting is cruel and selfish.

But. As it’s you who has posted you can only control what you do.

Why would he message you for your birthday? He’s finished with you. Why would you want to go out with someone cruel and selfish? Accept that he’s gone, you’re never going to find out why, so make peace with that, and start working on yourself and learn that you’re better off single than with someone cruel and selfish.

headabouttoexplode2 · 02/04/2025 08:08

Some people just don’t have the decency to communicate what’s going on or why, but the why he’s done it doesn’t matter, the fact he has chosen not to contact you for 3 months does. It’s the easy way out for them and unfortunately you just have to accept that you’ll never get the closure you need fully, time to block him and move on.

Original poster
Popie123 · 02/04/2025 08:09

I know i need to move on from it as like everyone is saying he clearly has discarded me it is just very hard to move on with no Closure but i have no choice

OP posts:
Somanyoption · 02/04/2025 08:09

You saw each other “on and off”
You were never “official”
you have a second phone that you have used to try to get around him blocking you
leave this man alone

Original poster
Popie123 · 02/04/2025 08:12

@Somanyoption what is the point in commenting if you don't have anything nice to say or any advice to give? this man I should leave alone would turn up at my work place and my house on a regular basis if I didn't respond to his messages lol you have no idea what you are talking about from saying I've posted before when I have no to saying he will get me done for harassment. Ppl post here for advice or maybe cos they don't have anyone to talk to in real life not for judgement from people like you

OP posts:
applegrumbling · 02/04/2025 08:14

Ok well this sounds wildly unhealthy on both your parts and I don’t think you should keep trying to contact him.

arethereanyleftatall · 02/04/2025 08:20

Popie123 · 02/04/2025 08:09

I know i need to move on from it as like everyone is saying he clearly has discarded me it is just very hard to move on with no Closure but i have no choice

But you have closure?

your closure is that he’s cruel and selfish and doesn’t care about you.

Somanyoption · 02/04/2025 08:24

Popie123 · 02/04/2025 08:12

@Somanyoption what is the point in commenting if you don't have anything nice to say or any advice to give? this man I should leave alone would turn up at my work place and my house on a regular basis if I didn't respond to his messages lol you have no idea what you are talking about from saying I've posted before when I have no to saying he will get me done for harassment. Ppl post here for advice or maybe cos they don't have anyone to talk to in real life not for judgement from people like you

Because “nice” isn’t going to get through to you if someone blocking you isnt

leave him alone
focus on yourself

Somanyoption · 02/04/2025 08:25

4 years and you weren’t even “official”

MayaPinion · 02/04/2025 08:25

Take the hint. He doesn’t want you in his life anymore. He did a shitty thing but it’s done and you need to stop trying to get in touch with him.

Foolsgold74 · 02/04/2025 08:28

She's not being cruel or judgmental, just frank and direct. She's also given you good advice. Just leave him alone.

TwistedWonder · 02/04/2025 08:34

He's behaved appallingly but he’s shown you loud and clear it’s over so you have to let it go and move on. Don't try and contact him again.

You won’t get the closure you want so really you have no choice but to accept that, cry your tears, dust yourself down and leave him in the past.

Shodan · 02/04/2025 08:34

Obviously it's not acceptable behaviour, but the reality is that you are unlikely to ever find out why he did it.

You gave it your best shot and got nowhere. Now it's time to salvage your dignity and pride and let it go. Block and delete his number so that you can't contact him again.

And then thank your lucky stars that he did this, because now you're free to find someone more worthy of your time.

alwaysdeleteyourcookies · 02/04/2025 08:35

He blocked you. Don't lower yourself by begging for attention by trying to get around that. All you're showing him is that he dodged one.

Four years on and off, where you wanted more? It's unequal and sounds a bit unhealthy. Decide you want better for yourself.

squashgummies · 02/04/2025 08:36

Oh OP, being ghosted is f*cking horrible and it’s so difficult to move on with no real closure. However you know deep down that trying to contact him isn’t the answer. I would recommend blocking him on both phones so that you’re not waiting for him to contact you. I think you are looking back at this ‘relationship’ with rose-tinted glasses at the moment and eventually you will see him for what he is - an immature coward who strung you along, even if you did allow it. But to get there you have to allow yourself to move on. Best of luck, you will get through this!

AngelinaFibres · 02/04/2025 08:37

arethereanyleftatall · 02/04/2025 08:20

But you have closure?

your closure is that he’s cruel and selfish and doesn’t care about you.

Show quote history

This. As the saying goes " if a snake bites you, you don't go around trying to find the snake and ask it why it bit you .You accept it has bitten you, deal with that, and move on". He doesn't want you. He wants you to go away At some point in your life you will have a relationship where you want to get out . At the point you will feel what he is feeling now and you will understand that talking about it/ explaining it / giving closure will not be things you will want to do. You will want that person to just go away. That is what you need to do now

squashgummies · 02/04/2025 08:37

Shodan · 02/04/2025 08:34

Obviously it's not acceptable behaviour, but the reality is that you are unlikely to ever find out why he did it.

You gave it your best shot and got nowhere. Now it's time to salvage your dignity and pride and let it go. Block and delete his number so that you can't contact him again.

And then thank your lucky stars that he did this, because now you're free to find someone more worthy of your time.

Agree with this!

Mwydryn · 02/04/2025 08:39

Popie123 · 02/04/2025 08:12

@Somanyoption what is the point in commenting if you don't have anything nice to say or any advice to give? this man I should leave alone would turn up at my work place and my house on a regular basis if I didn't respond to his messages lol you have no idea what you are talking about from saying I've posted before when I have no to saying he will get me done for harassment. Ppl post here for advice or maybe cos they don't have anyone to talk to in real life not for judgement from people like you

People aren't being mean when they're telling you to be mindful that you're not harassing this man. He hasn't been in touch with you since January, it's now April. He has told you in his actions that he doesn't want contact with you, and as frustrating as it is, you have to listen.
It's so hard for you OP, and this man sounds like a complete arsehole. The last thing you need is contact with a person like this.

MissDoubleU · 02/04/2025 08:53

Popie123 · 02/04/2025 08:12

@Somanyoption what is the point in commenting if you don't have anything nice to say or any advice to give? this man I should leave alone would turn up at my work place and my house on a regular basis if I didn't respond to his messages lol you have no idea what you are talking about from saying I've posted before when I have no to saying he will get me done for harassment. Ppl post here for advice or maybe cos they don't have anyone to talk to in real life not for judgement from people like you

Well, it sounds like he has chosen to completely break the cycle of toxic and unhealthy that you had built and come to expect.

Yes it will be hard but you need to be grateful that this wrong man, who refused to ever commit to you, is now gone and you are free to mourn that and move on to find someone who actively wants to be with you.

It doesn’t matter the reason, he’s gone now. Do not try and contact him again.

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