I met a guy a couple months ago and I need your advice. He is almost 40 years old and when we first started talking he would say how alike we are, that he’s never met anyone like me before and how good looking, smart, etc. that I am (looks like I was being love bombed). We went on one date which seemed to have gone well and he hugged me at the end and expressed all the things we will do on future dates. He also contacted me after the date.
I started noticing he would go days without contacting me (this happened a few times). I would try to fill in the silences by reaching out myself to take some initiative. I tried not to think too much of it because it is the early stages. About a week after our first date, he told me he suddenly joined a band with guys he met online from an ad (from the same place you would find a used coffee table) and how he was practicing songs for this band. He got super drunk and started drunk texting me the night he joined this band all happy that they accepted him into their group on the first day they met and professed that he liked me. He was so hung over there was no date the next day either. As a side note, the band he joined has adult men (almost 40) with no jobs and collecting government assistance – odd crew to be around considering he has a job. The weekend after, he was with the band again and I was sick. He told me these practices are going to be EVERY weekend (which takes up a big chunk of the day and then they hang out after!) but then said that he does want a second date.
He was talking to me one day last week but then suddenly just dropped off the face of the earth again for 3 days without messaging me. This time (after multiple times) I did not reach out to break the silence because I’m finding these disappearing acts unusual and I don’t want to chase someone who isn’t into me and isn’t prioritizing building a connection. I was also sick and didn’t want to deal with nonsense. He contacted me randomly on Saturday, I told him I was still sick, and he has not reached out again since. I asked him where he’s been and he said he’s just been busy with work. I’m not sure if this is his communication style or if something else is going on. He used to text me during the day as well, but he doesn’t do that anymore.
If and when he reaches out again, how would you handle this? Would would you call him out/talk to him about it or just not respond? I do not want to waste my time with someone who is inconsistent and blows hot and cold. I'm used to guys being consistent in communication when they are genuinely interested and that is not what I'm seeing here.