Talked about marriage this weekend. Help me unravel this…

[bitconfusedandnothopeful]

DP and I have been together 5 years. No DC, both 35. We don’t want DC. Cohabited for 3 years, very happy and contented relationship. Never discussed marriage but it is something I want.
went out Friday night, got drunk of course and I asked him if he’d thought about it. He was shocked that it was something I would like and said he’d marry me. I stupidly asked if that counted as being engaged and should I look at a ring and he said yes.
woke up sober Saturday and I asked him if he still wanted to marry me. He said of course he did, he would definitely marry me someday. I said I wasn’t in a rush, a couple of years would do me but I would like to get engaged. He said well we couldn’t tonight as we didn’t have a ring. I did say that really wasn’t what it was about. We sort of left it there, but I have the very big feeling that he regretted what he said when we were drunk and actually it isn’t something he wanted. Which if it is the case is a bit worrying - after this long if he doesn’t want that, I have little hope of him changing his mind from here and I want someone to love me enough that they DO want to marry me!
please be nice - I’m a bit flat today and all over the place!

You’ve let him know exactly how you feel.
I think the balls in his court now.
Focus on enjoying the relationship and hopefully he will propose soon.
if he doesn’t then maybe it calls for a sober chat about what his intent is. I would ask him his intent and if it doesn’t sign with yours you have a decision to make.

I wouldn't accept him saying that you're moving at different paces - it's been 5 years. He knows what he wants by now.

"Not yet" isn't positive. It's what someone says if they don't want to get married but don't want to upset their DP by saying so.

It's a no. He's not that interested in getting married.

He doesn't want to get married...at least, not to you. All this talk about 'one day' is him saying that 'one day' he might meet a woman he does want to marry...but living with you will do for now.

At the age of 35, after 5 years together, that's your answer. I don't mean to be harsh, but I spent 5 years with a man from the age of 25 who used to say much the same thing. Stupidly, I proposed to him one leap year and he agreed to marry 'to shut me up about it'...I knew on our wedding day I'd made a massive mistake. In the end I wasted 15 years with him. I married him when I should have split up with him.

I would never marry a man who didn't want it as much as I did, and certainly not one who used the words 'one day' after we'd been together 5 years.

This should be taught in schools. Neither sex has a clue what drives the other until it's way too late.

@GreenIsMyFavoriteColour I have come to realise this from the thread! I was giving the benefit of the doubt and being a bit literal.
Why don't people just say it how it is, there would be less soul searching and fewer disappointed partners.

I feel for you, OP. I was with my ex for 7 years, brought up marriage after 5, he kept saying "we'll talk about it in the summer " then it was "We'll talk about it at Christmas ". I wanted children but I wanted to be married first. He also wanted children but wouldn't commit to marriage. Did make me feel like I wasn't good enough.
After 7 years I realised it was going nowhere and called it off. He claimed to be heartbroken but still never mentioned commitment....I did love him, but I knew I was starting to resent him. Had a lovely couple of years single, met DH (who actually proposed the first night we met, not that I took him up on it!!) 2 years later we were married. 23 years later and 3 children I'm glad I had the courage of my convictions!
Good luck whatever you decide!

Are you sure that he doesn’t want children? Just wondering if he does and reluctant to marry someone who definitely doesn’t want children. It’s just a thought .

Wanted to add, mine didn't want children either...which was fine by me, I never did either. He was with a woman for 13 years after that, never married, only lived with her for the last 4 years of her life...she died last summer.

He was with his new girlfriend less than 2 months later...his new girlfriend has a 10 year old child...

Just break up. Remember this - he doesn’t want to get married TO YOU. So either he changes his mind when you leave or you meet someone who DOES want to marry you. Staying and being resentful is the wrong strategy and he probably won’t care. Sorry but you’re not just an option until he finds the one