Husband scolded during sex

[Nizagirl]

Hey everyone, sth has been bothering me for some time now and I have no idea wether it's normal or not.
My husband and I have been together for 8 yrs now, but sex has become rather challenging in the past 2 years. As we both got snowed under with work, we both became less interested in sex. When my husband couldn't perfrorm he got frustrated, angry and distant. But when I was doing sth he didn't like, or there was aproblem with my position or things like that he sometimes lashes out, his face turns sour, scolds at me and walks away.
It has been heartbreaking since most of the times I have no idea what I've done wrong. This has made sex really stressful for me and I've lost my confidence. I want to confront him but wonder maybe it's my fault for not being good.

No. Fuck off with this. He’s already treating you appallingly. You don’t need to act like a sex doll to make him happy.

If he treated me like that and spoke to me like that, it would be the last time would be having sex.

Who the actual fuck does he think he is?

This is some truly terrible advice. OP, please, do not try that. Respect and value yourself. You deserve to be treated so much better than you are - this is NOT a solution. It’s absolute bullsh1t.

That advice made me feel ill.

I was thinking that would be the final straw. She would know the disinterest is permanent.

Whatever the problem is, it’s not you. Frankly, he sounds like a horrible rodent. I would really think about getting your ducks in a row and leaving him…. And ideally take him for all he’s worth if you can. Call it compensation for emotional damages.

He is emotionally abusive. Also his comment about you meeting his needs is messed up - what is he doing to meet your needs? Expecting you to pander to his emotional state is just so self involved - he sounds a bit narcissistic and misogynistic. I would personally leave him or you’ll spend a lifetime trying to please someone who cannot be pleased until he cheats or leaves you and tells you that it’s your own fault for not being like the women in porn movies. As someone said on the thread there’s a little bit of DARVO cropping it’s head in there!

Ignore the person who said to promise to do whatever he likes, that is messed up, women are thinking feeling people who have needs and emotions too! He should be the one grovelling and you should be the one telling him it’s over!

I'd be telling him where the front door is, not that I'd bend over backwards to accommodate his desires.

No way should you tolerate this. Who the fuck does he think he is? Don’t you dare settle for being treated badly by anyone, especially not someone who is supposed to love and care for you.

So, reward him for being a jerk?

You can analyse his behaviour all you like but when it comes down to it, he just isn’t a nice person, makes no difference that he isn’t like it ‘all the time’, abusive men never are, it’s a cycle, and without the nice bits he wouldn’t be able to reel you back in to then treat you like a piece of shit.

As you’ve said, he is knocking your confidence, these aren’t the actions of a man that loves you. He is taking his insecurities out on you, he is a bully. The only real option is to divorce him in my opinion.

My guess is he watching too much porn and can’t perform within a real life setting. The moodiness is also symptomatic of porn addiction.
watching porn is a big contributor to erectile dysfunction.

Is this man watching Andrew Tate or something? “Meet his needs”? Is he trying to meet your needs? What a weapon

From everything you have written he sounds like a deeply selfish person who sees you as a means to an end (‘meeting his needs’) rather than a person with needs and feelings of your own. That is why he thinks it’s ok to relieve his feelings about minor irritations by taking it out on you and doesn’t care if it’s totally unreasonable, or if it makes you feel miserable.

I would think very carefully about whether this is a person you want to spend the rest of your life with, and could trust to support you in difficult times.

Does he manage to control his emotions at work in front of his boss? I bet he does. It's funny how these men manage to do that but seems to think they don't need to at home.

Good luck with it. It sounds like he will blame you no matter what happens.

“This senario happens with other things like house chores or food as well.”

OP you sound like a very accommodating and lovely person. Is he critical about chores and food? It sounds like he’s disrespectful to you and you’re overly worried about meeting his needs and he can’t even SEE your needs?

OP you mentioned about his being obsessive about some things. Is he generally quite a rigid thinker?

<some posters may be ahead of me now…>

@Nizagirl should try harder to meet his needs.????? is he for real? how hard is he trying to meet your needs re affection and signs of everlasting love?? all he is doing is terrorising you and giving you a severe complex! he is a horrible man and his inability to get it up is not your fault! he should be going to the doctor for that!

I think he has an erectile problem and is nervous that he might fail to perform each time. He therefore finds someone else to blame - you.

I would not tolerate the way he is dealing with this.