Ex found not guilty - assault case

[Evecob]

Hi all,

I reported my ex for an assault that took place in a car he was driving. He threw objects at me and revved the car at 60mph and shouted while our small children were in the back. I spoke to police privately as i was in an abusive relationship and made a statement, we split up shortly after and while split, he refused to get out of the car and i felt unsafe so recorded him. I got him on record admitting to throwing things at me. He got arrested and put on bail conditions, and pled not guilty. CPS decided to prosecute.

after months of waiting we had the trial and he was found not guilty.
Im really upset with the outcome, though i am out of the relationship and getting divorced, he has got away with it and the abuse he put me through for the whole relationship!!

He had a lot of money from a large inheritence just before we split, and he obviously paid for a good defence lawyer. She was very good on the stand, my testimony must have been seen as weaker for them to doubt concrete proof :(

I have been doing so well since he has been out of the house, but this has knocked me sideways and im struggling with this today. There was psychological, emotional and at times physical abuse, i have audio recordings of things i went through over the years (which were not used in the trial) still and dont know if i should put forward coercive control charge.. i worry for any future woman who might end up with him and hes gotten away with it.

We have 2 kids who he has not seen for 5 months, as i requested to see proof he was doing something about his behaviour. He didnt. He also refused a contact centre to see the children.

I have a feeling he will now push back on seeing the kids as he is now free, but in my eyes i was hugely failed by the system, his behaviour is still dangerous, and dont want the children to be subjected to any unsafe behaviour..

Has anyone got any advice, or has anyone been through something similar?

Thank you very much for reading

There could be an argument for putting this all behind you now and rebuilding you and your children’s lives. Your mental health will only suffer further. Sounds like you’ve had a really lucky escape from him so well done for getting out

Yes you are right. I tried to tell myself it doesnt matter the outcome.. im just disgusted that hes managed to get away with it, and disappointed in myself as i think his lawyer destroyed me and i didnt say anything about the past abuse, i let myself, my kids and all future women down :,(

Well you didn’t! You have excelled yourself by getting out before you end up like the women who stay for ever

Exactly this, be proud of yourself. You're allowed to feel outraged and disappointed at the result, but you've done so well. I'd insist on a contact centre. Most cases don't even make it to court, so the CPS clearly saw something there, akd surely that should be enough to get a court order for a contact centre. You and your kids are safe and you need to ensure that continues. You've done well, remember that.

You did not let anyone down, never think that. Abuse victims rarely get justice but this does not minimise the abuse you suffered.

I'm so sorry you and your children suffered, I would honestly suggest some really good therapy and try to thrive now you are free from it. Put in strong boundaries of he does want to eventually see the children.

You've got this!

Thank you so much for your replies

he obviously paid for a good defence lawyer. She was very good on the stand, my testimony must have been seen as weaker for them to doubt concrete proof :(

What do defence lawyers think about this? ‘My client won because he’s rich and I’ve had more years as a barrister’? Where is the sense of ‘I’m a defence lawyer to help prevent miscarriages of justice? To defend those who need defending’? I know they say ‘it’s to test the law is robust’ blah blah, but in a case like this, where is the humanity? It’s clearly not to uphold the law, it seems like it’s to go back to the office and have a glass of champagne with the boss while hoping he/she remembers this win when it’s promotion time.

I’m sorry OP ☹️. But the advice from others to move on is probably correct ☹️.

Be proud off yourself OP. Remember a not guilty verdict doesn’t mean they didn’t believe you, it’s that they couldn’t convict without being absolutely certain of guilt.

You stood up to a bully and you’ve made a start towards a better life. Onwards and upwards

You haven't let anyone down!!!! Especially not your children. You have shown them that abuse will not be tolerated.

You are a brave, strong woman.

You have been let down by the system. Thousands of women are because of the patriarchal society we live in.

You can be proud of yourself and what you have done for your kids.

I think you sound amazing x

If you’ve seen Prima Facie with Jodie Comer, the role of the defence barrister is at the heart of it.
The OP has done brilliantly well. Sadly, money can buy dazzling barristers who have a real presence in court.
But here’s the thing - he’s still guilty. The OP knows it and so does he.
She has done as much as she can. Let any future women who get involved with him deal with him as best as they can.
OP may not have got the result, but she still has morality on her side. The ex may want to see the children, he may try for a while and get bored.
I think OP it’s time to look to the future and rebuild.

@PeggyMitchellsCameo thank you for this reply. I’ve not seen that film, but I do remember the Jodie Foster one with the rape case. Things won’t change unfortunately.

But here’s the thing - he’s still guilty. The OP knows it and so does he.

Is this enough though? She can’t say ‘he’s guilty’ when in court trying to sort out him seeing the children.

That female lawyer OPs ex had today? I judge her. I hope she receives what she deserves.

Watch Rape On Trial on BBC IPLAYER.

There are two defence lawyers on there one male one female who justify why they defend rapists and character assassinate the victims. So cold and hard faced, they don’t give a fuck how much trauma they put the victim through it’s all about them winning.

I honestly wanted to punch both of their smug sneering faces.

Name changed for this post.

My son will be 29 in August.

I didn't live with my son's father - thank God, but he had a key to my house.

I left his father when I was 7 months PG - thank God he allowed me to go to a family event to which he wasn't invited. As I was PG (& couldn't drink & to allow my parents to enjoy a couple of beverages) I drove the 75(ish) miles from my parent's house to the party & back again. It was planned that I would stay with my parent's house & return to my home - about 60 miles away from my parent's home. As arranged, when we got home at about 23:30 I phoned him to tell him all was OK. He kicked off accusing me of sleeping with someone & demanding that I drove the 60(ish) miles to my home. I refused saying that I had already driven over 200 miles, it was late & I was tired. My parents, hearing my end of the conversation wanted to know what was happening.

I confessed all about the abuse & control that I'd been experiencing. Well most, I didn't tell them about the rapes, beatings etc, but they got the idea.

I was so lucky in that my parents took charge, we took all of our 3 cars to my house early the next morning, changed the locks on my house, got everything that I would need for me & the baby & split.

I spent 10 years fighting the bastard. When son was 3 months old I got a solicitor letter saying that wanted contact every 2 weekends-a breast-fed baby? wasn't going to happen! Then he fought me for 10 years for contact. With every contact session at the last minute he would want to re-arrange if (I'm talking 4 hour's notice).

The Courts ordered contact in a Contact Centre for 2 hours every other week, sometimes he just wouldn't turn up, sometimes he would turn up 1.5 hours late & kick off when I arrived to collect son at appointed time saying that he hadn't had his 2 hours. Once he attacked me in front of son (aged then about 2 years) & everyone in the Contact Centre grabbing me by the throat & telling me that he was going to kill me - Contact Centre staff had to drag him off me. They refused to continue the agreement as it was as he was highly aggressive to me & not for <voluntary> Contact Centre staff to manage his behaviour. So we went back to Court.

After that the Court said my parents should deliver & collect son. This worked Ok for about 2 visits (he still would not turn up or cancel at the last minute saying he was sick & missed many, many visits). Eventually I stopped contact after he followed my parents back to the car park & assaulted my father in front of my 6 year old son.

After that Social Worker took him to contact sessions. But his father only managed a couple of visits in 4 years - always an excuse not to be able to attend. Social Worker also observed that he didn't interact with son, only wanted to tell her about how badly I'd treated him.

Eventually a Judge put it to my son's father that if he could manage to attend regular contact sessions in a Contact Centre he could have more contact. Son's father said that wasn't acceptable to him to see son in a Contact Centre & only acceptable option for him was staying contact. So the Judge commented that it wouldn't be right for a child who didn't know him & since he'd demonstrated physical abuse against me & my father, ruled that he shouldn't have anymore contact & also ruled that he wasn't able to appeal this decision.

As a PS my son was asked by Court appointed social worker what he wanted - he said that he wanted to see his father. I had to explain to my son that his father had the opportunity to see him, but we needed to keep him safe & eventually, the Judge decided that he wouldn't be safe & that he wouldn't be seeing his father again.

My family are a family of lawyers, teachers etc so my son understands about this kind of thing &, having done a law degree is specialising in Family Law. I am so proud of him

No I get the not guilty is a nightmare.
But I mean in terms of moving forward, and counselling/therapy would also help, the OP knows she is telling the truth.
He also knows that he’s got a ‘result’ but he still knows exactly who and what he is - a violent bully.
I have a feeling this man will be in court again one day, and I hope the book gets thrown at him. With a bookcase attached.
I have just watched a 4-part series on C4 about Nicole Brown Simpson, the murdered wife of OJ Simpson. Although he technically ‘got away with it’ he was still shunned. He had money and power, and originally a legal team who won that verdict, but over time through his own vile behaviour and pomposity he did go to jail.
The man involved in this case here, he may have money, but there will be people around him who know he’s been in court. They will be aware of some of the details. Not everyone will be breaking open champagne with him.

Yes thank you so much.

His dad was there supporting him...his dad is just as vile as he is.
He knows his son is abusive and did what he did but blames me. Both of them are misogynists and the idea of the kids being around either of them makes me feel ill.

It took me so long to get where i am now.... i worked hard, and doubled my income in 2 years after going back from mat leave, i reported his behaviour twice, i wish i prosecuted the first time, but i didnt thinking therapy might help but i know now he is a malignant narcissist and will stop at nothing to protect his reputation.
I feel lucky i still have the recordings i do and he didnt manage to delete them all...they prove who he is.

I will do my best to protect my children... he has already tried smearing my name to my family.. im scared what might happen now there is no protection for me and he could come back to the house or try pick the kids up from school at any time...

Also i have been in therapy for 3 years and will continue.. that has been helpful trying to heal from this awful man

OP you are incredibly courageous and a brilliant mother. The justice system is stacked against complainants like you, and "beyond reasonable doubt" is such a high bar.

Others will have much better knowledge of how best to protect yourself and your DC but just to say you're inspirational. It must be so so hard to go through this process and see the jury reach the wrong verdict but you've done your absolute best.

PS you are NOT responsible for his future behaviour to other women. Don't put that on yourself. HE is responsible. No one else.

Thank you for your kind words it means so much to me.

It was a magistrates court. 3 ppl in their 60s it looked like.

This is awful, so sorry for you

I’m so shocked that they didn’t take the recording into account, was it excluded ?

I believe you @Evecob and am so sorry you didn't get the verdict.

The thing is, you haven't let future woman down. The fact that you were brave enough to take it to court, means that it will show up on any future clares law applications. You should be immensely proud of yourself for seeing this, presumably terrifying, ordeal through.

I submitted pictures of a trashed livingroom from 1 of his rages, a cracked lightswitch which he punched once a few yrs ago, and 2 recordings, 1 of a previous assault where he hurt my neck and 1 from this incident where he admitted to throwing things at me in the car. They only allowed the use of the last one and apparently it did get played. The CPS could not reference any past abuse.

Thing is after my testimony they had a lunchbreak for an hour which allowed my ex time to think about how to respond longer which probably helped his testimony.. i was flustered and his lawyer was so good, i answered badly to questjons i know i should have tried to give context for. They said the recording was calculated and i didnt get to explain the only reason i recorded in the first place was because he wouldnt get out of the car and get in his own and i felt unsafe. (We were split at that time)

I didnt know this!! This is brilliant and one of my aim ls was to have something there for women in future. Thank you for saying this x

Yes, the thing is if there are past allegations, regardless of outcome, that they feel are concerning and relevant to the disclosure they can share them under clares law.

The police told me that the only time they can't disclose the allegations is when the perpetrator hasn't been made aware of them, ie if you've made a report but didn't take it further and he hasn't been made aware, then they can't share.
But in your case he was very much made aware.

@Evecob it will show on any enhanced DBS check as part of employment or volunteering and I would give very short shrift to anyone who tried to minimise these kind of charges having been brought against them. He will have to declare it in these situations and I cannot tell you how obvious it is when the person starts making ridiculous excuses and using the 'I was found innocent' trope. It could affect security clearance in the workplace too. Anyone googling his name is likely to find the court information. You got as far as court. That is difficult to do.

Please can you take specialist advice about your home and personal security in case he does retaliate, if you haven't already?