Couple time? - a question from my DH

[Demented]

My DH has asked me to ask about this on MN (as he has come to understand MNetters always know the answers ).

I'm not sure what he is getting at here or what he may be planning on changing about our lives but he wondered how many of you spend couple time with each other - set times for just the two of you to play board games, watch a film etc, etc?

I suggested we take up oregami or perhaps spin our own wool in the evenings but he wasn't impressed. I think he has visions of couples with young children up and down the land putting the kids to bed and spending quality time with each other instead of crashing in front of the telly, PC, tidying up, sorting laundry or doing ironing.

All answers appreciated, I think!

Dh and I do crash in front of the TV or spend time seperately in different rooms, but we also try to have time alone together.We don't get evenings out much, as we've no one to babysit, but we try to get our DS's to bed at a reasonable time, so that we can share a meal, a bottle of wine and have a chat.At these times we still seem to have plenty to talk to each other about, and can spend hours around our dining table just talking and planning for the future.

We also, occasionally take time off together during the day, when the boys are in school.I belong to a gym with a pool and spa, so we work out together,spend some time in the spa, then go for lunch.

We also love going to Hay-on-Wye and browsing around the book shops, but we have not done this for a while.

wish we had some nice, child friendly pubs with beer gardens around here. In the last place we lived there were a quite a few and I miss them. Unfortunately, the one decent pub near us (my dh's local and where our friends meet) is also not very child friendly. No beer garden to speak of and no children allowed inside.

What's more, the group of 'regulars' includes a few women my age, some with no children, some with teenage children. They complain about not seeing me enough. I have told them I'd like to meet up with them for a drink if they happen to be down there, and to give me a ring. Dh would look after the children for an hour or so. Do they ring - never! out of sight out of mind. So much for sisterhood!

We hardly ever go out and once dses are in bed I put another load of washing in, finish washing up, empty the tumble dryer, load it up again, empty the bin, tidy up, do the ironing etc.

He either goes on his playstation or flicks round the telly while all this is going on.

Then we go to bed and he snores all night.

So in answer to your question, demented, no, we don't have quality time together.

ooh demented we go out twice a months or so BUT also we love watching a series on dvd - spec att he weekend when theres sod all on.

we haev done series one and two of 24 adn are looking at murderOne to get for next one.

we only do this it he winter really, nice meal bottle of wine and tv
cheap and really freindly

we're the same as a lot of people here - we spend a lot of time in separate rooms, him on the PC, me watching reality TV, soaps or reading trashy magazines. We don't have a great deal in common. But like the Cod we do sit down together to watch things on dvd (currently working our way through Friends) and have a takeway (which accounts for our expanding waistlines!). Atm he's out Monday and Tuesday nights and i'm out Wednesday nights which neither seems to mind as we get the weekend nights together

I try to restrict my time on MN from about 7pm to 8-8.30 so that we can then have supper and watch TV/film. We do sometimes go to the cinema together as a new one has just opened up down the road. We have even been known to get free babysitting (family) and go to the pub for a drink!

p.s pre-ds dh used to pick me up from work on a Friday and we'd go for dinner but we don't have a baby sitter and are quite skint so we make up for it by going out for lunch in the day at w/ends sometimes with ds

We don't have set time together but seem to do something every few weeks. Even if it's going to fam ily or friends house for dinner. Last time we went out on our own was to the theatre on 28 Dec. We went out to his parents for dinner last night, Lottie came with but was in cot upstairs sleeping. We're off to NYC at the end of the month for 5 dyas without her and then in early Feb we're off to see the Producers on our own. I guess I need to know we have things to look forward to together.
We could do with doing the odd meal out and the cinema a bit more often but am quite happy with the way things are so n ot stressing about it.

we go out once a month together mainly pictures at the mo or niteout (baba is 15 weeks old BTW). the last time we went out was......(thinking)..... xmas niteout about 5 weeks ago (blimey! that flew by) but saturday just gone we had a house party..

we go out once a month together mainly pictures at the mo or niteout (baba is 15 weeks old BTW). the last time we went out was......(thinking)..... xmas niteout about 5 weeks ago (blimey! that flew by) but saturday just gone we had a house party..

we go out once a month together mainly pictures at the mo or niteout (baba is 15 weeks old BTW). the last time we went out was......(thinking)..... xmas niteout about 5 weeks ago (blimey! that flew by) but saturday just gone we had a house party..

we walk the dogs together every sat & sun, and try at least once a month to have a 'date' night, and go to the pics, if the moneys a bit tight thou we rent a movie and do some popcorn. We sometimes play monolopy as well on a sat afternnon (but he's stopped that cos I always win! lol) i've learnt chess as that's something he enjoys doing.

(on weekends we share the cooking as well, and tidying up)

We try not to spend too much time in separate rooms. If he's watching something really dull on TV I'll snuggle up with him and read. So many of our friends have drifted apart from their partners since having children and we're both very conscious/worried of this and try to make an effort. Our DDs (4) are usually both asleep by 7.30 so we usually have about three hours together most nights.

We're lucky that we have quite a few people nearby to babysit and manage to get out a couple of times a month for a drink and meal. Out of all the friends/family I have he is still the person who I have the most fun with and I enjoy his company the most. I just hope it stays like that!

typical evening involves me on mumsnet or reading, him doing diy in the attic! We do try to do one 'family' thing together at the weekend - went to see the new treehouse at the Alnwick garden on Saturday which was fab. We don't go out much because I don't have many babysitters around and resent paying an extra £15 for my meal or drink for the babysitter, plus I have to work 2/3 evenings a week. But we do try to have friends round for dinner at least once a month, preferably more (gets harder as our friends have kids though!).
We had a lovely nihgt last night though - bizarrely, as it started with us doing his tax return together!!! (He finds it really stressful). That led into us going through our charity giving together and deciding to increase it, then discussing what to do with the extra, which was a surprisingly 'bonding' discussion. Then we went to bed and lay there chatting for ages about past holidays we'd had (can't remember how we got onto that now!) - it was lovely remembering all the things we'd done (mainly the disasters which looking back are the memorable bits!!). He emailed me from work this morning to say he'd felt all warm inside all morning after that chat. I do find we talk more if we are doing something - painting a room, filling in a tax return...anything really!

gosh ! we spend NO quality time together.

Spinning wool is a cool way to bond trust me If you can manage to remain cool after hes totally messed it up and tied it in knots then you know you are made for each other Seriously tho my dp likes to chill out in the evenings and do very little. He cant understand how Ill start doing something after putting dd to bed. I like to sew or knit or read whereas he tends to just watch tele. We do go for long walks together at weekends tho and in the summer go camping so have to spend time talking to each other then.

Couple what?

Well, I suppose we manage to watch a DVD together on Friday and Saturday nights. That's it.

The amount of couple time that it is possible to spend together does depend on your circumstances. For instance - dh works long hours so weekday evenings are out of the question.

At weekends with 2 children under 3 there are 'must do' jobs that have to be tackled, and most of those are completed after children's bed times.

I'm hoping that as the kids get older and more self sufficient (with an attention span that allows us to plonk them in front of Shrek 2 for instance) we might get more 'stuff' done whilst they are still up and awake, and have more 'we' time during our weekend evenings

me and dh after dd and ds in bed have couple time. just us two watching a film and opening a bottle of wine. We make time for it - so he doesn't feel left out from my attentions & it gives us time to be affectionate (i need lots of affection, cuddles, kisses bck rubs etc). However never made a concious effort to do this. But he's only lived with me full time for 2 months - things may change - we may drift into him doing his thing and me doing mine of an evening! He usually works 60 miles away from where me and dd (and now ds) live and i work. Therefore he normally during the week lives on a boat and comes home friday night until sun morning. Now he has work in local area to me until April.

we're just about to get rid of both kids this Saturday night - for only the second time since ds2 was born, and he's now 9 months old! Sad thing is we've got nothing planned so will probably go to bed (and sleep!!!) at 9pm... But at least it's time without the kids...!

My favourite couple time is when we can get rid of kids and go out on a Sunday morning to our local cafe, read the sunday papers, drink hot chocolate and order tons of snacky food. Fab!!! (used to do this a lot when I was pregnant, but it's harder to farm out 2 children...)

We watch telly every evening from about 7.30pm, and I miss dp when she decides to go to bed early, or at the moment has to go somewhere quiet and fill in job application forms - even crashing in front of the telly is nicer with dp than on my own.

dp works shifts, but on days he's doing days, and when he's not working we spend the evenings talking and joking it's really lovely to be honest... on the other hand if we didn't do this I'd have forgotten how to speak 'grown up' by now.

Just catching up on the latest posts. Thanks for all your replies, it's really interesting to see what you all do. Tomorrow night we are going out!!! Babysitter is booked, restaurant isn't, not sure what we are going to manage at the last minute but at least it will be out without kids.

I think DH is right we need to concentrate on our time together a bit more. Prior to now DH has been busy in the evenings studying for exams and doing DIY etc when I've done most (although not all) of the childcare in the evenings followed by ironing, crashing in front of TV/MN etc. DH gets on about MN but I have to remind him that I was left to get on with things myself and MN was a saviour in the evenings (and during the day at times ). At times when he was using his computer either studying or working into the evenings he was quite pleased when I would spend a couple of hours on MN because it was a way of sort of spending time together. Up until now I have been happy to spend time together as a family (all four of us) but I agree it is now time for some time for the two of us, obviously in addition to family time not instead of.

Nervously looking forward to tomorrow!

familyy time is just as important - but so it couple time. No need to be nervous, have a good time without children

Just don't know what we are going to talk about! The kids probably!

Yeah the kids - my dh is now realy into eastenders (my fault) we have great debates about it now! You'll have loads to talk about - like times when kids weren't around - which feels like never but only two years! It'll be fine