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Original poster

Couple time? - a question from my DH

78 replies

Demented · 13/01/2005 22:30

My DH has asked me to ask about this on MN (as he has come to understand MNetters always know the answers ).

I'm not sure what he is getting at here or what he may be planning on changing about our lives but he wondered how many of you spend couple time with each other - set times for just the two of you to play board games, watch a film etc, etc?

I suggested we take up oregami or perhaps spin our own wool in the evenings but he wasn't impressed. I think he has visions of couples with young children up and down the land putting the kids to bed and spending quality time with each other instead of crashing in front of the telly, PC, tidying up, sorting laundry or doing ironing.

All answers appreciated, I think!

OP posts:
lulupop · 14/01/2005 13:11

bless him, demented, he really wants to spend time with you, not just in your capacity as mother of his children.

I cannot remember when my dh last wanted to do anything special with me. He won't even sit at a table to eat our evening meal, and never has - as soon as he's put ds to bed, it's supper on trays in front of the telly, even if there's nothing worth watching on.

He spends all evening and all weekend in front of the telly too.

And now I want a divorce. So, although it is tempting to flop at the end of the day, if you're lucky enough to have a dh who wants to make an effort together, then let him make the effort!

Love spacedonkey's, ahem, bonding over the scrabble board. Tne mind boggles!

Original poster
Demented · 14/01/2005 14:32

Thanks for all your comments, my DH cut my internet connection last night hence my sudden departure! Grrrr!!! He does have his faults although apart from that he is generally very good and you lot have made me appreciate him more, thanks! He is a bit hacked off this afternoon as we were going to spend an evening in together this evening and I have been invited to a girlie night he does understand why I am going out (it doesn't happen often although I can't help but think I should have said no) and we will spend a nice evening together tomorrow, may even blow the dust off the Monopoly board!

WWW, I am in Scotland, I remember you moved recently but didn't think it was Scotland.

Mears, have a great weekend, I've heard Mama Mia is fantastic!

lulupop thanks for your kind words, hope you are OK.

OP posts:
eeyore123 · 14/01/2005 14:39

none. we dont share any interests.

nailpolish · 14/01/2005 14:43

demented, we do the saturday night dinner thing. put dd's to bed after having their own tea (or dd1 at least) then we light a candle on the kitchen table and have tea together. this is sometimes 930 by the time we tidy up, etc and its usually in our jammies with a dominoes pizza and a bottle of wine, but you are not allowed to turn on the telly (or MN!) or leave the table til the wine is finished.

we have a good old natter

breeze · 14/01/2005 14:46

Ds goes to bed by 7 every night to watch a video, we normally go to bed 10 ish, so we have that time together.

We are lucky that my mum has ds at least 1 night a week (usually 2) and we probably go out once or twice a month for a meal or something.

We have totally different taste in music, group etc etc, but we both share the passion for football and happily watch 3 or 4 games on tv a week.

nailpolish · 14/01/2005 14:50

we dont like the same things on the telly - dh watches a lot of football and i like films. he often says 'ill go upstairs and watch the football on the portable' but i dont let him because i dont thoink its right. so we compromise. he buys me lots of trashy mags and i let him watch the football! at least we are sitting next to each other.

i wish i had someone who could babysit - even just once every 6 mths!

anorak · 14/01/2005 14:58

We do a lot of that being at home but in separate rooms stuff. But we consciously make the effort to do things together too.

We like going to the pub and/or out for dinner and do this at least once a week. We go for long walks around our village (often stopping at pubs for refreshment!) We like pub quizzes too. Once or twice a week we go to bed early and watch TV snuggled up. We maintain a steady chit chat throughout.

FineFigureFio · 14/01/2005 15:00

we are never alone together!

weightwatchingwaterwitch · 14/01/2005 15:20

Demented, sorry, I was confusing where you live with where batey lives, near me I think (but I haven't seen her for ages) I do apologise!

alicatsg · 14/01/2005 15:24

we take it in turns to cook a romantic meal for each other once a fortnight (as babysitters are thin on the ground round our way) and make that our night out. Except its in the kitchen.

DissLocated · 14/01/2005 15:24

We try to have 2 'telly off' nights per week, share a bottle of wine put some music on and have a chat. Scaltygirl has it spot on though!

Original poster
Demented · 14/01/2005 17:34

Dementeds' DH here! I've hi-jacked her machine whilst she's out shopping. If I can just stop her mumsnet-ing so much we might have even more time together!

OP posts:
piffle · 14/01/2005 19:42

scrabble causes marital rift here
I go for aesthetic pretty clever words and DH scores on stupid tiny 3 letter non words on triple word scores for massive score.
We do go out when MIL or my mum are around, we never schedule it in.
We like flopping in front of tv and we do discuss the days news quite animatedly!
I think if we never got out alone one of us would kill the other?

zebra · 14/01/2005 19:43

[blank lines being my answer....]

eidsvold · 15/01/2005 05:00

what's that - last time dh and I had that was last July I guess.... but we have two nights out lined up soon.

eidsvold · 15/01/2005 05:02

although having said that - once we finally 2yo in bed and 8 week old feed we have an hour or so before no2 needs feeding again - usually just collapse exhausted in front of the telly or I madly do things I haven't had the time to do all day... we used to sit and talk and play board games or sit out on the deck and chat... but alas that has gone by the way at the moment

tigermoth · 15/01/2005 07:39

anorak, it must be so nice to go on an amble around your village with your dh and pop into your local pub just when you want to. That's what dh and I really miss at the moment. It's not the big nights out we crave. I long to be about to say to dh, 'fancy going out for a quick drink' just as the mood takes me. As it is, we have to organise babysitters and it's just not the same. Lots of our friends round here are in their 40s and 50s and have teenage children. After years of needing babysitters, they have rediscovered the joys of 'just popping out' again

roisin · 15/01/2005 08:29

This is a fascinating thread - I'd missed it before. My dh works most evenings (usually 5 or 6 a week), and tbh I tend to crash in the evenings anyway once the kids are in bed and the (minimum) of chores are done.

We are lucky though in that we get to spend time with each other during the day. Usually he picks me up from work at 1pm and we have lunch together, or go to the gym together.

Like some of you on here though, we do deal with pressure differently. Recently we've been going through a lot of concern regarding ds1, and we don't seem to be coinciding with the times when we want to talk about it, which makes it doubly hard.

anorak · 15/01/2005 11:06

tigermoth, it really depends on where you live. In our village the pubs welcome children. While I very rarely take them inside, we make great use of the gardens, even in winter. It's fine if you wrap up warm and take game boys, toy cars, etc.

The kids often come with us on these strolls.

Original poster
Demented · 15/01/2005 12:17

Very at my DH for hijacking my name last night!

OP posts:
weightwatchingwaterwitch · 15/01/2005 12:22

Demented, he was met with a deafening silence!

tallulah · 15/01/2005 12:25

We rarely see eachother from week to week. He works nights & we sort of move in different orbits. We try to have at least one holiday away together without the kids, so that we can catch up. Last year we managed a couple of weekends away as well- nowhere exciting but at least on our own.

Original poster
Demented · 15/01/2005 12:27

Just read the other replies I agree with those of you who say you miss popping to your local for a quick drink etc. I was just saying to DH (not so D now he thinks it's OK to post as me on MN) I really miss when we were first married and had no TV we used to go down to the village pub (don't live in the village anymore) on a Wednesday night where they would be showing episodes of Men Behaving Badly on SKY and we would buy one drink (often just a coke) make it last all night and have a few games of pool. Bliss.

We are going out on Friday but already I am finding myself fretting about it where will we go, what will I eat, what will I wear etc, etc. I think it is the little things that I miss more than the big nights out too, even when we just had DS1 we could pop him in the buggy and go for a long walk, that's even impossible now, DS2 has to be bribed to go in the buggy and DS1 will talk the hind legs off a donkey the whole time.

I know I shouldn't be moaning when there are plenty of others worse off, there could be far worse problems needing ironed out other than how we spend our spare time!

OP posts:
Original poster
Demented · 15/01/2005 12:29

BTW DH doesn't even remember going to the local pub to watch Men Behaving Badly so he obviously doesn't look upon these times as fondly as I do!

WWW ! He does have his own MN name, although I don't think he has ever used it, no need to steal mine!!!

OP posts:
anorak · 17/01/2005 08:39

Hi Demented. Yesterday we left the house at about 1.30 - dh, dd2 (12) and ds (3).

We walked about 2 - 3 miles through the woods to an old pub with a big garden, had a couple of drinks while ds explored. Then we walked back and spent an hour or so in the village social club before walking the last half mile home and lighting the fire for the evening.

Great day, really de-stressing.