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Relationships

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Original poster

Partner doesn't like best friend

35 replies

iamaleo18 · 27/03/2025 22:31

How do you handle your partner not liking your best friend? We have been together forever and my best friend was around before him.
She lives in another state and life is crazy so we haven't been in contact as much but when we do it's like we have never been apart. He says she is jealous of him but I know she doesn't like the way he is with me. He says I always stick up for her but its not even like that. It's not im sticking up for her, it's I don't agree with him. When we use to fight about her, it was usually because I wanted to have a night out but he didn't want to go or didn't want me to go. Now we are going to my brothers wedding and I want to spend time with my best friend but he is not happy about it. She doesn't even know that he doesn't like her anymore. I feel like this is childish.
If your partner doesn't like your best friend how do you handle it?

OP posts:

thistimelastweek · 27/03/2025 22:39

Why doesn't your friend like the way he is with you?
Listen to her. She might not be wrong.

amber763 · 27/03/2025 22:45

I've been in the situation where am ex hated my best friend. A couple of times I tried talking to him about it and explaining I loved her every bit as much as I loved him but it didn't change anything. It's one of the reasons he's an ex.

Original poster

iamaleo18 · 27/03/2025 22:46

Back when we first started dating he was jealous of our male friends and he also wanted to be with me all the time and would get angry if I juster wanted to hang out with the girls without him

OP posts:

CheeseyOnionPie · 27/03/2025 22:50

Sounds like he’s trying to isolate you from her because she has clocked him for what he is. To be honest this sounds toxic of him at best and abusive at worst.

notacooldad · 27/03/2025 22:52

Your boyfriend is the problem y the sounds of it.
If I was you I'd be very wary of him.

TwistedWonder · 27/03/2025 22:59

iamaleo18 · 27/03/2025 22:46

Back when we first started dating he was jealous of our male friends and he also wanted to be with me all the time and would get angry if I juster wanted to hang out with the girls without him

Your best friend is a good judge of character by sounds of it.

She’s seeing loud and clear those red flags you’re ignoring

LovelyDaaling · 27/03/2025 23:07

Trust what your best friend is saying. DP has jealousy issues and he'll get worse over time.

Lavender14 · 27/03/2025 23:09

iamaleo18 · 27/03/2025 22:46

Back when we first started dating he was jealous of our male friends and he also wanted to be with me all the time and would get angry if I juster wanted to hang out with the girls without him

So controlling behaviour is something that's not uncommon for him op? It sounds like you maybe need to take a step back from this and rethink things there are definitely red flags here.

PleaseDontFingerMyPouffe · 27/03/2025 23:16

He says I always stick up for her but its not even like that. It's not im sticking up for her, it's I don't agree with him

This is another red flag. It as an attempt to drive a wedge between you and her, because it will eventually be easier to reduce / give up contact with her than to argue with his ridiculous assertions.

And there are red flags aplenty in your post.

I bet he's pretty good at the gas-lighting behaviour when he wants to be.

category12 · 27/03/2025 23:33

From that little snapshot, it sounds like your partner is controlling- doesn't like you going out, doesn't like you having male friends, doesn't like your female friend, doesn't like you having time away from him, he's even going to be difficult about you spending time with her at a wedding.

It's not normal, and it's not love, it's control.

pinkyredrose · 28/03/2025 00:22

Keep the friend, ditch the controlling wanker.

Do you live together?

mathanxiety · 28/03/2025 01:21

If your partner doesn't like your best friend you start considering the idea thst he is trying to separate you from your support network and then you ask yourself why.

In your case, @iamaleo18, your partner is clearly asking you to choose him or her. This is a power trip. He wants to see how far he can push you into ignoring your own best interests and doing his bidding. It's the first step toward abuse.

I'd be extremely wary of continuing this relationship. What he's doing is a huge red flag.

mathanxiety · 28/03/2025 01:22

iamaleo18 · 27/03/2025 22:46

Back when we first started dating he was jealous of our male friends and he also wanted to be with me all the time and would get angry if I juster wanted to hang out with the girls without him

He's a controlling abuser who wants to separate you from everyone who has your best interests at heart.

Dump this saddo.

Maitri108 · 28/03/2025 01:33

He's controlling and doesn't like you having someone important in your life apart from him. I can understand a personality clash but he doesn't want you going out with her.

This is a huge red flag.

TheGentleOpalMember · 28/03/2025 01:39

iamaleo18 · 27/03/2025 22:46

Back when we first started dating he was jealous of our male friends and he also wanted to be with me all the time and would get angry if I juster wanted to hang out with the girls without him

OP he's the problem. It sounds like he is jealous of EVERYONE in your life and wants to control you and isolate you, even when your friend lives in another state! Get rid of him, he is manipulative, controlling and isolating; that's dangerous.

Morningsleepin · 28/03/2025 02:22

And everytime you give in him you make it harder to resist him in the future. Also the day you decide that the life he is giving you is not the life you want, you'll have no social network to help you get away

user1492757084 · 28/03/2025 04:34

Tell your DH to sober up.
Your best friend isn't going anywhere.

Tell him you will be catching up with her at the wedding.
Make sure you spend a lot of nice time with DH but also feel no guilt in hanging out with your bestie.

Ask him outright if he feels jealousy towards her?

CountFucula · 28/03/2025 05:07

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

LoveSeptember · 28/03/2025 05:18

It's not your best friend, it's the fact you have a best friend. It wouldn't matter who she was or what she did. He is jealous and controlling.

Bananalanacake · 28/03/2025 05:20

He's a classic controlling nasty bastard. You say to him,, I don't care if you like her or not but I am spending as much time as I want with her.
If he doesn't like it you dump him for being controlling.

notatinydancer · 28/03/2025 05:35

He’s trying to isolate you. Tough if he doesn’t like her tell him you’ll see her anyway. She’s seen through him.

AgentJohnson · 28/03/2025 06:19

Of course he doesn’t like her, she represents the part of you he can’t easily control.

You are asking the wrong question to the wrong people, you should be asking yourself why you are prioritising someone who views you like a possession. In his eyes you should have no autonomy and he has final approval over your life. If you don’t agree with this supposition then you need to move on very quickly. You can not fix him and waiting around for the non messed up version of him to appear will damage you.

The balls in your court, only you can decide if you’re worth more than his insecurities and compulsion to control you. I hope you choose you.

notacooldad · 28/03/2025 06:27

Back when we first started dating he was jealous of our male friends and he also wanted to be with me all the time and would get angry if I juster wanted to hang out with the girls without him
This has made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

You don't seem to realise how chilling this is.
I had a boyfriend like that o ve when I was you g and didn't understand much about relationships. I thought it was because he cared so much about me. It wasn't, it never is. Once he was comfortable with me not wanting to go out ( because it wasn't woth the hassle and moods) he ramped up the control.
Seriously I'm not being dramatic but get out while you can. You have friends, they will support you.

Isthiswhatmenthink · 28/03/2025 06:52

He’s controlling and abusive. She can see right through him. That’s why he doesn’t like her.

unsync · 28/03/2025 07:07

Keep the friend. Dump the man. He's jealous and controlling. That's why he doesn't like your friend(s) or you going out. It is classic abuser behaviour.

Did he tell you how wonderful you were, how he couldn't live without you and want to spend every moment with you when you first got together? Once he's isolated you, he'll move onto how worthless and stupid you are, no-one loves you except him and how lucky you are that he does as no other man would have you. It will spiral into a never ending cycle of abuse.

This is what your friend can see and why he doesn't like her. She has the potential to derail his hard work and plans for you.

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