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Original poster

Partner doesn't like best friend

35 replies

iamaleo18 · 27/03/2025 22:31

How do you handle your partner not liking your best friend? We have been together forever and my best friend was around before him.
She lives in another state and life is crazy so we haven't been in contact as much but when we do it's like we have never been apart. He says she is jealous of him but I know she doesn't like the way he is with me. He says I always stick up for her but its not even like that. It's not im sticking up for her, it's I don't agree with him. When we use to fight about her, it was usually because I wanted to have a night out but he didn't want to go or didn't want me to go. Now we are going to my brothers wedding and I want to spend time with my best friend but he is not happy about it. She doesn't even know that he doesn't like her anymore. I feel like this is childish.
If your partner doesn't like your best friend how do you handle it?

OP posts:
ThejoyofNC · 28/03/2025 08:02

iamaleo18 · 27/03/2025 22:46

Back when we first started dating he was jealous of our male friends and he also wanted to be with me all the time and would get angry if I juster wanted to hang out with the girls without him

When people in relationships like yours talk about problems they had at the beginning, they usually mean back before they submitted to all of his control.

Onelifeonly · 28/03/2025 08:06

It's not so much that he doesn't like your best friend, it's that he doesn't WANT you to have one.

gannett · 28/03/2025 08:14

iamaleo18 · 27/03/2025 22:46

Back when we first started dating he was jealous of our male friends and he also wanted to be with me all the time and would get angry if I juster wanted to hang out with the girls without him

I'd have dumped him instantly for that.

Listen to your best friend, she knows what's up.

Titasaducksarse · 28/03/2025 08:18

Met my partner and best friend within a few months of each other.
He didn't like her and although not a major drama it would come up every now and then over an 18 year span.

Guess he was right....some things have happened and I've smelt the coffee!

Sifflet · 28/03/2025 08:25

AgentJohnson · 28/03/2025 06:19

Of course he doesn’t like her, she represents the part of you he can’t easily control.

You are asking the wrong question to the wrong people, you should be asking yourself why you are prioritising someone who views you like a possession. In his eyes you should have no autonomy and he has final approval over your life. If you don’t agree with this supposition then you need to move on very quickly. You can not fix him and waiting around for the non messed up version of him to appear will damage you.

The balls in your court, only you can decide if you’re worth more than his insecurities and compulsion to control you. I hope you choose you.

This. I mean, my DH of 30 years doesn’t much like my best friend, but it’s just that they’re very different people , and the part of me that has most in common with her is the bit of me he feels most distant from. The difference is that he respects how important the friendship is to me, recognises she’s a good friend, and is more than encouraging of contact between us.

notacooldad · 28/03/2025 08:31

Met my partner and best friend within a few months of each other.
He didn't like her and although not a major drama it would come up every now and then over an 18 year span
Guess he was right....some things have happened and I've smelt the coffee!

This is not comparable to the Ops situation though.

Her boyfriend wants her all to himself right from the beginning, which is always a red flag.

I have a decent circle of friends and most of them have been around pre Dh ( 35 years) There's only one Dh doesnt like but hardly ever mentions it. The reason he doesn't like her is that the conversation is all about her and she never asks about me. However she is on the edge of my friendship group and I don't rely on her and i know what she is like. Dh has never told me not to see her though.

Buttonknot · 28/03/2025 08:31

It's ok if he doesn't like her. It's not ok at all if he tries to stop you seeing her.

Sodthesystem · 28/03/2025 08:57

Abusive men never like supportive people in your life.

They fear this person might see them for what they are. And they also don't like the thought that you have someone who can build you up. Because they want to tare you down.

Think logically op, what reason could a man who loved you have for hating your good friend? It's nonsense! He's trying to alienate you from her. Because that's what abusive men do.

We excuse it as then being 'childish' or, 'thry must have their reasons'. Stop doing that. He is a grown man trying to wreck his partner's most important friendship. Sack him off, he's a prick.

Sodthesystem · 28/03/2025 08:59

iamaleo18 · 27/03/2025 22:46

Back when we first started dating he was jealous of our male friends and he also wanted to be with me all the time and would get angry if I juster wanted to hang out with the girls without him

That was a red flag there.

Narcissist behaviour.

Always needing to be focused on.
Hating having to share your attention.
Pouting, sulking, guilt tripping you until you cut off your other connections.

The red flags are waving op.

singlewhitetrashheap · 28/03/2025 09:00

You dump him. That's how you handle it. He's a possessive freak.

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