Social services after alleged DV

[Emrose88]

Hi,
I just wanted to get some advice. A couple of days ago me and my partner got into a row in which the police was called by a neighbour and had told them he had kicked in my head Infront of my children- this did not happen at all and other people in the house to witness this. However when the police came round they was question the adults in the house Infront of the children about the allegations. My youngest (4 year old) hears absolutely everything. My partner has been NFA'd but a DVPO has been set for a breather. Today social services came round and question my children and my 4 year old told her that I was kicked in the head but this is because she heard what the police was saying, my eldest daughter (8) told the social worker that did not happen and it was an argument but the social worker kept dismissing her and wouldn't let her talk as she just wanted to listen to my youngest. Can SW even be asking my 4 year old things like that. I would have thought that they would have been spoken to separately. Now I'm made to look like a liar as the SW didn't speak to me after and just left so I could say that's what the police were asking. Where do I go from here? Please just advice as I know the argument wasn't good for the police to have been called in the first place. They have also said that my child l witnessed this but there is no way they can see into my house with the angle its facing

So if he didn't kick you in the head, why did the neighbour say he had?

They originally said he had then they said it looked like he did. He came home and literally within 15 mins the police were here. The police could see no marks nothing. And he's over 6 foot big build so kicking my head wouldn't have been able to answer the door

They woke up when they came in the house

Social services do question children, they are there to understand and listen to their experiences.

If one child has said something happened, and one said it didn't, SS will of course err on the side of caution. Regardless of the words used, your child has been around and heard something horrible and frightening happening. They may have been in bed but they would have known something was wrong.

Children are absolutely fine

You are deluded if you believe that. Children who grow up in a violent home are not fine. They might act like it but they are not.

Why dud your neighbours think g
he kicked u in the head. It's very specific.

Sorry I'm not being clear. If your children were in bed during the argument, they were not witnesses to the argument. Why are the police asking them if he kicked you in the head when they didn't see anything?

Emrose, did you experience or witness abuse growing up?

What did his sister say to the police? Or did she leave when the row started?

No the police never asked them that but they asked me and his sister on the landing next to their bedroom, not closing any doors or anything so both children heard what they asked me and their aunty

No

Where is he now? Can the children see him?

She told them what had happend, it's was an argument that escalated, no physical violence

I imagine you have grown up around DV

Was your father violent or your step father?

That is how they became violent because they grew up with their own father abusing their mother.

SS try to prevent this cycle repeating itself by intervening

Understand your children do not need to see abuse with their own eyes, they can hear violence, aggression

Sadly your sort of post is seen on this board frequently
’oh he’s not normally like that’

’oh it was a one off’

’the kids were asleep’

’when will they let him come back to the house’

’the kids miss him’

Even kids who are removed from both sets of parents due to severe risk still would say they’d like to live at home

I've just re read your post. It's social services. Your four year old told social services that you were kicked in the head.

Surely you told social services that she was in bed and didn't see anything? Do social services not believe you?

He's living with a family member. Police said he can have contact through third party but after today I don't know what he's allowed to do so keeping it no contact until I know.

@Emrose88 it's really important that you understand children see and hear far more than you realise. Children don't sleep through big rows. They pretend to be asleep. They usually know when ones coming, if they're in a household where it happens regularly.

Whether the children have witnessed it with their own eyes or not isn't really relevant to social services. Either way they're still in a household where there's domestic abuse, and still considered at risk of emotional harm.

So basically when she spoke to my 2 kids my youngest literally just repeated what the police had asked myself and their aunty. I wasn't allowed to be in the room but I could hear it in the hallway. Sw wouldn't let my other child talk when she said that wasn't true and now she's very upset. She was a duty SW, she then told me to come in the room and said my appointed SW will be in touch.

Emrose what do you like about your partner? Why are you with him? What's your relationship like in general?

it’s doesn’t need to be physical to be domestic abuse.

The law sees children as victims in their own right.

Our relationship has always been good been together 10 years. Of course I love him and we are all so gutted but I have to do what's right for kids. I'm just so overwhelmed. I havnt come on here and lied there would be no point I'm that

The neighbour must have been really concerned for your safety if he called the police.

If I overhead a neighbour shouting at his wife and her shouting back at him, I wouldn't necessarily call the police, even if they said nasty things to each other.

What I'm trying to say it must have been a horrible fight, where the neighbour reasonably believed you were being hurt by your husband.

I think you're downplaying this.

And how can there even be a misunderstanding of someone being kicked in the head.

They're either kicked in the head or they're not.

I have known members of the public to make referrals where they've had concerns, but then said something in the referral that they know will get a response. Usually when the issue has been bubbling for a while.

They made 2 statements first one was kicked in the head and the second it looked like or could have happend. I wouldn't come on here and lie about what happened what would be the point.

Hopefully this will give you the kick up the arse to sort out the argumentative side of your relationship.
It really isn't good for the children to see this as normal behaviour.
And don't think because they didn't see the physical side of the argument that they don't know about it.