Dating an older man with a young child

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Hi everyone !
so I met someone 3 weeks ago he’s 58 and I am 51, we swapped numbers and started speaking on WhatsApp. His profile picture is of a young girl who I assumed was his granddaughter anyway it turned out to be his 5 year old daughter 😳
a week into the relationship he had his daughter for the weekend and asked for me to join them on a day out to a kids inflatable park, I said I wasn’t able to go but in the end I did. My own children are 31, 25 who do not live at home anymore and my youngest girls are 17, 13 and 12 so I have had quite a few years of having a taste of my own freedom back from dependant children.
the following week he says he has booked time off work to have his daughter through the school holidays and that his ex partner wanted to go away for a week so he will be having his daughter then too he also has her every fortnight Friday til the Sunday
i just didn’t feel like I wanted to go back down that route with young children again especially when he has asked me to go to his as he had his daughter there again I declined and he said his daughter needs to get used to me ! We have only been dating 4 weeks !
what would you do if it was your situation would you choose to end the relationship all advice would be gratefully accepted thankyou in advance !

Big fat nope!

1. I couldn’t go back to young children
2. He wants a babysitter. (Love Granny with a fanny).
3. He’s rushing to introduce you.
4. He isn’t putting his child’s needs first.

I have met a couple like this. They were married before, had an affair with a younger woman. Left the wife, affair petered out, met another younger woman, had a child, separated/divorced and now having a third wind of dating older women like their first wife!! As well as looking for a house to live in and a woman to help 'care' for their youngest.
Rinse and repeat.

Avoid at all costs!

You are a perfect candidate for him as a nanny with a funny. He is a user, not a nice man.

And is that fair on the child ?
Having a load of women come and go from their life .
Someone has to be the adult here , he obviously sees,no problem inviting women to interact with his child .

Carry on seeing him by all means but understand his daughter is his priority , she will take preference over you , and you keep away from meeting her for at least 6 months or more to see how the relationship with him goes .

Personally , I would end the relationship as it will be full of ongoing problems and you will never be his priority and rightly so .

Exactly!! I have been a single parent myself for a number of years and chose to take that time out from dating to focus on my own children and didn’t date anyone let alone introduce anyone to my children, my kid days are well and truly over I’m 50 years old and looking for someone to spend time with myself now !!

If he was serious about you he could have done things very differently.

No 80 year old doing childcare on the (let’s be honest) infrequent times he has his child.

Look into working days, not nights.

Buy gym equipment for home eg weights, running machine.

Said ‘I won’t introduce my child until we’ve been together for at least a year and only if my ex is okay with it’.

These are the things a responsible parent looking to date seriously would be doing, and he’d be doing them by himself, not because someone suggested them to him.

If he was serious about you he could have done things very differently.

Absolutely, he would be wining/dining/wanting to be alone with you, not taking you to soft play ...... ICK !!!

I have met some guys on line and they are the same age as me - mid 50s. I haven't had more than a couple of dates with any with children. It's not just a question that they may be busy every other weekend but they also expect me to be free when they are, I also feel they down play the commitment, the additional picking up from school and clubs. It also gives me the ick that they have had relationships with significantly younger women.

This had me howling.
Nanny with a fanny
Nurse with a purse.
More red flags than Moscow
😆 🤣 😂

It’s gross that he impregnated a woman in her 30s when he was 52. And now he’s regularly offloading responsibility for the child to an elderly lady with a walking stick, whilst looking out for a mug to help with childcare (and possibly care of the elderly lady in future). Keep away from this turd, obvs.

'Bangsitter!' Perfect.

Any updates OP, did you end things?

That’s good you’ve ended it. It was poor judgment on your part to agree to meet and spend time with his DC after only one week!

He’s just not for you

This is so important.

Sounds like he sees you stepping in as the default 'mum' when he has his daughter, possibly to alleviate some of the responsibility from him. Id walk away now before you get more involved.

Editing this to say I should have read further because you already did walk away!

You had your children and decided to remain single when they were young. Your youngest child is in their teens. You want to be involved with a man with a similar set up to you and not be going back to the baby and small kids situation.
You were right to tell him that this situation was not working for you.

I have a friend who is now in her early 50's and she has decided to remain single. She knows a lot of men around her age have brooken relationships and kid's. She does not want to be dealing with a man in this situation or dealing with his kids either. She lives alone and does not want a man expecting to move in either. She is planning on changing jobs next year. She will be getting an inheritance in time and plans to leave work before retirement age.

I have to say the comments on this post made me laugh the nurse with a purse, the fanny minder ect. I think that the majority of women with older children won't get involved with a man like him because they now have more time for themselves and their interests after years of minding kid's.
Then a younger woman wants someone around her own age who they can build a life with.

Hi to update you I did end up giving the relationship a miss also afterwards I was told he was still married to his first wife the one he had before the one he had a child with and hasn’t been divorced for 12 years either ! It went from worse to mind blowing ! 🙈 I need to thankyou all for your replies they all made complete sense after reading them all xx

He is 18 years older than her ! He split from his first wife of 12 years and within 3/4 weeks was with this young lady who he had worked with for 3 years ! 🙈🙈

OMG, you had a lucky escape OP, he’s not much of a catch!

I remember this thread! I was talking to some guy on a dating site who was 55 with a two-year-old and it was pretty obvious he wanted to meet someone so that he got more free time himself. Unbelievable!

I’d love to know how he got on with that!!!!

Oooh a no from me I’m 40 and wouldn’t date anyone with a primary age child, I doubt Many would at his age tbf.